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JAYPLAY 09.20.2007
RAINE REVIEWS NEWS YOU CAN USE HAWK TOPICS
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THE BURJ TOWER IN DUBAI,WHICH IS STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION,BECOMES THE TALLEST FREE-STANDING BUILDING IN THE WORLD. Don't worry,fellow Americans,the proposed Freedom Tower in NYC should restore the U.S.'s rightful ownership of the largest phallic symbol on the planet.
2 THE LOUISIANA STATE AGRICULTURE COMMISSIONER SAYS THAT AFRICANIZED "KILLER" BEES HAVE ESTABLISHED SEVERAL COLONIES IN NEW ORLEANS.
Maybe it's just me, and I know they're a bad team, but that seems like a pretty racist way to refer to the New Orleans Hornets.
4 THE NFL'S NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS AND HEAD COACH BILL BELICHICK ARE FINED $750,000 AFTER REVELATIONS SURFACE THAT THE PATRIOTS
ILLEGALLY SPIED ON OPPOSING TEAMS.
President Bush offered an angry rebukal of the charges before his staff could inform him that it was the football team that was being punished for illegal lying, not his administration of self-proclaimed "patriots."
3 THE RUSSIAN REGION OF ULYANOVSK CELEBRATES ITS THIRD ANNUAL "CONCEP TION DAY," IN WHICH COUPLES ARE GIVEN THE DAY OFF OF WORK TO STAY AT HOME AND TRY TO CONCEIVE A BABY.
Like Valentine's Day in America, single Russians left out of the fun are urged not to commit suicide, which unfortunately makes Concepton Day a lot like every other day.
FORMER FOOTBALL STAR AND ACQUITED MURDER SUSPECT J. SIMPSON IS ARRESTED IN CONNECTION WITH THE ARMED ROBBERY OF SPORTS MEMORABILIA ONLY OWNED BY SIMPSON AND OTHER SPORTS STARS.
I have a feeling this comeback will go over about as well as Brittney Spears's.
Chris Raine
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