THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
10B Sex on the Hill
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2007
Little signs hint interest
Singles hide signals in body language
BY STEVEN KARLIN
editor@kansan.com
Have you ever seen someone painfully beautiful or a shockingly handsome, but not known how to approach them? Or have you ever been approached by someone only to have the conversation suffer because he or she was incredibly awkward? We've all encountered these situations, but what is the best way to deal with them?
"Never use pick-up lines," said Mike Meadows, Derby junior. "You can tell through a person's eye-contact and body language if they are interested. Just go be yourself."
If a person is sneaking glances at you every few minutes, the person probably won't mind if you come over to chat. An interested person will normally sit in a more open position, or lean toward his or her person of interest.
Meadows said the more someone looks away the less they want to be hit on. Crossing your arms or turning your body away is an indication of indifference.
For the less outgoing people who are nervous about approaching strangers, the same rules apply. Try watching for eye contact and body language even if you aren't planning an approach.
Friends are an asset and a good confidence booster too.
Mike Breeden, Quinter senior, was with friends who noticed the attraction between him and his now significant other. Breeden's friends forced him to act by showing the two together.
"We both kept noticing each other, but it took our friends to push us together." Breeden said.
If you are looking for a serious relationship, beware of people searching for a one night stand. If you are questioning the motives of your new acquaintance, you can look for some fairly straightforward signs.
"Guys who are looking for a one night thing will put themselves out there much faster than other guys," said Annie Wade, Overland Park freshman. "Someone looking for a relationship will be more respectful."
The most obvious one-night stand seeker is the married person without a ring. If it's summertime, there should be a tan line where the ring should be. The line is slightly fainter during the winter but still there.
It never hurts to ask, except maybe your pride if you receive a rejection. But it might be worse to not ask at all. Use your best judgment. Your friends and your instincts provide your best guidance.
Edited by Luke Morris
Living together changes things for better or for worse (or worst)
fchambers@kansan.com
roommate.
BY FRANCESCA CHAMBERS
No longer can you blow off steam by complaining to your parents or another friend — the last thing you need is people questioning your relationship — and the one person who you can normally count on to calm you down is the person who is causing the problem.
Living with a significant other is not the same as living with a friend or
This was a huge mistake. By the end of the first week of living together, my fiancee and I were almost convinced that we couldn't stand one more minute around each other, much less the rest of the year or our entire lives.
When I finally convinced my now fiance to move to Lawrence, I was too caught up in the last-minute one bedroom apartment switch and late move-in date to plan ahead.
Because of this, we finally created a few guidelines for each other that should have set before we moved in.
Sound familiar? Here's some common issues you and your significant other might want to discuss before you move in together or find your yourself sleeping on the couch.
CHECK-IN BEFORE HEADING OUT!
Its really inconvenient for someone to skip homework in order to make dinner just to find out that you are not going to be home (when you said that you would be) because you have to work or had planned on hanging out with friends.
Needless to say he was excited about being able to hang out with his friends whenever and he felt like it without being interrogated.
For my fiancee, breaking free from his mom and dad's nosiness about his whereabouts was one of the most enticing elements of moving in with me.
It's also extremely frustrating for your partner when you decide to make plans without checking to see if you as a couple already have plans that you didn't know about which usually means you forgot about them.
Unfortunately, just like your parents, your significant other needs to know where you are going to be and what time you are going to be home.
KANSAN FILE PHOTO
And if your significant other really did remind you several times not to make plans on a specific date and you forgot and made plans anyway, cancel your plans irritated friends are infinitely better than an infuriated significant other (for reasons I'm sure you can figure out on your own).
*Moving in together can be an exciting step forward for couples, but watch out for pitfalls*
Sometimes that added openness can make for tough situations within the relationship.
www.finelinebikes.com
HEY BIG SPENDER! STOP
SPENDING!
Shortly after we moved in together, my fiancee and I found the ideal place to have our wedding at. The problem was not the place itself, but the price tag attached to it.
I thought we could afford to have it there. Besides, I made enough money at my job this summer to pay for it on my own money - so financially speaking, it was not really his decision to make.
Some couples try to avoid this situation by agreeing before they move-in together that they are going to keep separate bank accounts and split expenses in half.
My fiancee said it was out of our price range, but relented when he saw how convinced I was that we could afford it. We ended up being able to afford it, but his point was that my money is not solely mine anymore.
Those couples get points for planning ahead, but that is an unrealistic solution - especially for couples in college.
My fiancee is not in college, so his finances are fairly consistent. But because of my busy schedule, the amount of money I make at my job differs week to week.
I hate to admit it, but there are some months where he is going to have to cover my half of the bills. The assumption is that when I finish my degree and I am making more money than him, it will all even out. But right now that is not the case, and therefore spending decisions should be made together.
But in my defense, he should have stuck with his gut feeling. Compromises have to be made in relationships, but if you feel strongly about an issue, especially one that could put you both in a difficult place financially, don't back down.
If I had been wrong, we would not have been able to pay our bills on time. And I'm sure everyone knows the difficulties bad credit
creates later in life, like when you are trying to buy a house.
DON'T FORGET ABOUT US!
When my fiancee is not at work, he is glued to the TV. His favorite activity is playing video games. When I am in class or at work he uses video games as a way to pass the time.
Usually, his video game obsession does not bother me - I'd rather him play video games when I am not home than many other activities I can think of. But it really upsets me when I am at home, and I want to spend time together and he suggests that I watch him play video games.
He used to think that he did not have to spend any quality time with me because we live together. "We see each other every day, isn't that enough for you?" Sorry, but sleeping next to someone every night is not what makes a relationship last.
I, as well as many other women can admit that no matter how much time our significant other spends with us, it's never going to be enough. But there is a middleground.
If you are going to get home earlier than your significant other and you will be at home for the rest of the evening, use the time before your significant other comes home to run errands, do homework, play video games, whatever.
But if your significant other has only a small amount of time to themselves every day due to a busy schedule, then you need to work out a schedule, and stick to it, of days that will be "us" time and other days that will be "you" time.
There are many other issues that my fiancee and I argue about on a regular basis, like cleaning, his parents, making dinner and cleaning, but everything else is trivial. So before you throw in the towel, or throw your significant other out, try a few of these tips. They could save your relationship too.
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