THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN MONDAY, AUGUST 13, 2007
OPINION
GARDENING TIPS
11A
My awesome summer vacation
Summer ended and now we talk about where we've been and what we've done. But who wants to hear how I spent my summer held up in a calculus class? No one. So I've taken the liberty to add some minor embellishments.
May was kind of a hectic month for me. I had hardly finished finals and a three-week gig as an underwear model when I had to catch the redeye to LA to cut the cord for Julia Roberts's son. She wanted to name it after me.
"Jules," I said, "I can't let you do that."
"But you mean so much to me. It's 'he least I can do.'
"Think of all the unwanted attention he'll get."
"True," she said. A nurse tried to chase me from the room, but Julia
had her fired on the spot. Then she said, "Well, what can I do for you?"
"Get me two tickets to the premiere of your niece's movie. My wife's a huge Nancy Drew fan."
"Seoren," said Presidente Kirchner, "we must ban exports."
Julia pulled a cell phone from beneath her hospital gown and made a few calls. All the seats were spoken for, so there was some jockeying and I ended up taking Emma Roberts's spot while she watched the premiere on Access Hollywood later that night.
"Presidente," I began.
After so much action in May,
I just wanted to spend June
relaxing. My family and I
relaxing. My family and I spent the entire month helskiking in Patagonia. While we were down there I met with some high-ranking Argentine officials about their economically-foolish ban on exporting beef.
"Please," he interrupted, "call me Nestor."
"It just doesn't make sense," I said.
"I know," he said, "but if I back
down just because some big-name American came in here and told me I should, I'll lose face."
"Hey, I'm not Bono; when it comes to economics, I actually know what I'm talking about."
"Consider it done," he said.
July was supposed to be when I started touring in support of my new album, "I Spit Hot Commentaries" (featuring my hit single "Girl, I'm Gonna Hit It Like a Bag of Walnuts"). However,
as I was gargling lemon tea backstage before the first of my fifteen sold-out shows at Madison Square Garden, Britney Spears called.
"Waiter, the chicken took three measures of barley," she said.
"Brit," I said, "slow down. You're not making any sense."
"The lovable eyes know the moon is devious," she replied.
"Have you gone crazy again?" I asked.
"Who knows the meaning of three dogs sniffing each other in a circle?"
"Yep, you're crazy. Just don't do anything until I get there. Remember last time when you married Kevin Federline?"
So I drove Britney to rehab, then went back the next day and picked her up, then took her back again a couple days later, then picked her up again right after that. If I get three more hole punches on the center's frequent visitors card, I'll qualify for a free case of "exhaustion" for myself and three friends.
August has been just brutal. Between my record, my movie premiere ("I Now Pronounce You Nine Dollars Poorer," in theaters now), my book signing ("Bigger Than Jesus and Three Times as Handsome," $29.95 from Knopf), and my single-handed negotiation of a framework for peace in Darfur, I've hardly had time to get ready for another semester at KU. But I knew it was important, so I made the time. After all, if there's one thing I do well, it's keeping it real.
Minster is a Lawrence senior in economics.
FROM JAYPLAY
A word from Jaime Netzer on KU's lifestyle magazine
It's that time again. Backpacks are being hauled out of closets, local bars are brimming once again with thirst students, and Target will be insufferably busy for the next several weeks.
As you begin your fall semester at KU, whether it is your first year or your fifth, you may wonder to yourself how this semester will treat you. How much of Lawrence will you see? How many new bands will you discover? Will your parents call often? Will you be single or spoken for?
Jayplay, your friendly campus lifestyle and culture magazine, wonders these very same questions. Jayplay is about life—and how to have one. We are tickled to have the chance to share this semester with you all, to inform and entertain you, and maybe even to help you out once and a while.
Our five different departments—or sections—aim to cover the topics that both make up your life and make it interesting. We want you to be in good health, so we may write stories about the endless benefits of a well-crafted smoothie or the dangers of over-exercising. We will also write about your contact - that is, your relationships - with fellow students, professors, boyfriends and girlfriends. We want you have a good time when you go out, so we'll write about nightlife and cultural activities and the best eats in town. We want you to know your community well, so we'll also write about the people that work, play, and live in it. Finally, we want you notice certain random and unusual stories that we've unearthed to amuse and enlighten you.
If you looking for a minute-long diversion from your homework or your roommate, our short stories
will squeeze quite comfortably into that time. Tell yourself that chemistry can wait until you've absorbed the gems of wisdom dispensed by your peers in Wescoe Wit. Or tell your roommate you'll change the toilet paper roll after finishing Hawk Topics.
In the highest of spirits we will bring you all of this, plus a weekly events calendar to keep you in the know about where to see and be seen, a long feature story, and a riveting personal essay in every issue written by one of our dedicated staffers.
Look for us on Thursdays, as you're preparing for each and every glorious weekend of this semester. We'll be right there with you.
Netzer is a Lawrence senior in journalism. She is the editor of Jayplay.
FROM THE EDITOR
The Kansan's editor welcomes a new school year
Hello, and welcome (or welcome back) to the University of Kansas and The University Daily Kansan.
FREE FOR ALL 864-0500
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My high school paper, though I enjoyed it, didn't interact with students the way the Kansan did. I was impressed by how easy it was for students to call Free for All and have their opinions read by 25,000 of their peers. I
largest edition of The University Daily Kansan in recent memory. These 100-plus pages of content came together after months of hard work by the advertising sales staff and countless hours of dedication from the
editorial staff. Within these three sections, you'll find news, sports and entertainment as well as an inside look at what makes up Lawrence and the University.
When I came to the University of Kansas, I was blown away by the versatility of The Kansan.
remember when David Padgett and Johnny Beck couldn't catch a break in the Sports Free for All. I couldn't believe that not only did the newspaper write about sex and parties, but it published entire sections devoted to sex and parties. And perhaps most incredible to me, the
our years later, that's still the brilliance of the Kansan: everything we do is with you, the students, in mind. So check out this ginormous edition, follow up with Kansan. com and make sure your student voice is heard. We want you to pick us up every day, to want to be a part of what we do and ultimately, to become a part of what we do.
whole thing was done by students. As a journalism student, I wanted to be a part of it. As a KU student, I knew that I could be a part of it.
Again, welcome. And hey, just because he's gone doesn't mean David Padgett deserves a break.
Four years later, that's still the
Schmidt is a Liberal, Kan., senior in journalism. He is Kansan editor.
An ode to parental units
My parents are concerned for my well-being. It's the fact of life that is both endearing and endlessly annoying.
The concern reached its peak in January, when I headed back to England for a solid six months after a holiday break of good food and relaxation. During my spring break trip—a four-week jaunt across Europe—I e-mailed my mother every day to let her know that I was still alive. I sent her my fall class schedule, which I'd finally completed at an internet café in Barcelona. She listened as I vented my frustration, but was also interested in reading about my various adventures.
I was set up. My mother has it in her head that between my job and my classes, I won't find the time to eat. We've stocked up on groceries and multi-vitamins so that I don't end up with scurvy. The apartment that I probably won't spend much time in will be decorated and
When I finally came home.
When I finally came home, what had been uneasiness regarding my far-flung location morphed into concern for my mental state. I was taking twelve summer hours, including an economics class at JCCC that required me to shovel down dinner and run out the door at 5:30pm, shortly after my parents got home. My parents at one time probably forgot that they had a daughter.
Just as the classes ended and it appeared that I could relax for awhile, the return to KU was imminent. I barely had time to enjoy the end of production functions and marginal product when the time came to shop for school supplies.
Here too my parents made sure that
outfitted for comfort. Once school begins, I'll still e-mail my mother every day, even if she is a paltry 45 minutes away.
As hovering as my parents seem (and even they know when to keep a respectful distance). I secretly like their involvement. It's a paradox. As frustrating as it is for them to want to know everything, deep down I'm comforted by their desire to know everything.
When I freak out about one thing or another, my dad tells me that he learned long ago that anything that I say I will do, I'll do. When I told my parents that I was adding on the international studies co-major (which technically would be my third concentration), they told me
to go for it,but not to drive myself crazy.
I've heard friends complain that their parents push them to do things or to study subjects that don't interest them. Their parents push them further than they're prepared
to go. In my case, my parents often keep me from going too far. When I count off the classes and activities that I want to participate in, their advice is to know when to quit.
Their interest in me—whether it be my safety in another country or my sleep needs—is comforting, but I admit that I abuse it. I want them to leave me alone when it's expedient, and I want them to be there for me when it's expedient. I sun-
pose that the challenge for both of us is to find an equilibrium. Smothering though they may be, I know that it certainly wasn't just me who moved food, furniture, electronics, posters and kitchenware into my apartment a few days ago. I'm also not the one to have bought enough groceries to outlast a nuclear war. I know that I certainly underappreciate them, but then again, they're the first to tell me that they felt the same way about their parents when they were my age.
Hayes is a Lenexa junior in journalism, political science and international studies. She is Kansan opinion editor.
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Eriok R. Schmidt, Eric Jorgensen, Darla Silipke, Kelsey Hayes, Bryan Dykman, Angelique McNaughton, Benjamin R. Smith and Brandon T. Minister