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Friday, September 23,1994
OPINION
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Foreign policy shouldn't be tool for popularity
CARSON ELROD
Haiti mission is Clinton's latest attempt to put in an early bid for re-election.
Hunter S. Thompson wrote that Bill Clinton "would have played the harp on '60 Minutes' if he thought that it would get him elected." It is for this reason that the recent 11th-hour peace settlements in Haiti represent nothing more than a bid to boost the popularity of a president bent on re-election.
Mr. Clinton probably woke up one morning, read the newspaper and then came to realize that he was about as popular as rurs of "Starman-The Series."
He then called for his advisor, George Snufalupogus, who immediately stormed into the Oval Office with a milk shake and a bucket of chicken for the president.
"Hey there George, I've been thinking..."
"Sir, we really wish that you would refrain from doing that."
"Quiet son, the big cheese is talking."
"Yes sir."
"How should I go about getting re-elected?"
"Oh, yeah."
"How about instituting as many socialist government bureaucracies as you can and then taxing the hell out of people until everyone is a government employee and a vote against us is a vote against their employer?"
After considering his situation, President Clinton came to the conclusion that he needed a sure-fire way to nudge those ratings up at least above
the negative level. (It is true. For a while there we actually had people who did not exist yet that hated Bill Clinton.)
The answer that he came up with was a military jaint to a small, oppressed country. Sure, a quick little military action to reestablish America as the protector of incumbency (Oops, I mean "democracy") would have the American people rallying behind their new tough-guy president.
So of all the places in the world, he picked Haiti. Yeah, Haiti is right up there with Genghis Kahn and the three evil guys in black from Superman II in threats to the world and its people.
Granted, Haiti has a pretty abusive
government. However, in Washington these decisions don't seem to be made on a very moral level. They are made on the basis of how much it will get people saying "Oh, praise be to Bill, the librator of democracy."
If you have any doubts about the president's intentions, look to his speech that interrupted your Thursday night television. Take any one of the president's rationale for military action and think of Cuba.
If we want to protect democracy and free people from oppression in our hemisphere, why are we not there? Because Cuba would be a long and drawn out process. Haiti, on the other hand, would not be. Clinton said, "Hey you mean old dictators, get out" to which they responded "Sure,
no problem. We'll be out in a few months." (Snicker snicker) "Great," thought Clinton. The goal is to get in and out really fast and publicize the heck out of how darn helpful we are.
The United States should make its foreign policy decisions with true moral standards and the commitment to back those standards
Foreign policy shouldn't be used simply to boost popularity when it is low at home. My advice to Bill Clinton is to follow through with liberating Haiti and not just threatening to do so. Only in this way is he going to prove that he isn't just another southern man out for a vote.
VIEWPOINT
Carson Elrod is a Topeka junior in history and theater.
Senate should mandate volunteer hours for funds
Student organizations who benefit from Student Senate financing should be mandated by Senate through a bill and not a resolution to perform one hour of community service for every $100
they receive from Senate.
The large number of volunteers this would make available would not only help hundreds of
community service is that it create a greater good for those who are in need. These organizations are large and have the ability to contribute to the community in return for the money that all students, by way of the Senate, give
COMMUNITY SERVICE
Student Senate should pass a bill to require student organizations that get Senate funds
to do community service in return for the money they get.
people, but it would also go a long way in helping fulfill Senate's mission of improving not only the University community but the local one as well.
However, there seems to be uneasiness among some student organizations about a requirement of community service in order to receive their funds from Senate. Large organizations, such as the Hispanic American Leadership Organization and Student Union Activities, say that the status quo, which does not require student organizations to do community service, should be retained. They say that by forcing members of groups to do community service, the bill would take the spirit out of what should be an enjoyable experience.
them. If student organizations believe that they are incapable of performing the service or it is an unreasonable burden on them.
Their excuse is poor and should be discarded with little concern. The key to
then perhaps they should find financing alternatives.
Many organizations already perform community service, and this bill would create few inconveniences for the overwhelming number of the them. However, a community service bill would set a minimum number of community service hours that have to be performed in order for a group to receive money.
It is not unreasonable for Senate to set certain qualifiers that student organizations must meet before they receive money. In fact, the job of the Senate is to allocate funds in the best possible way to meet its mission. A community service bill achieves this and, at the same time, provides help to those individuals in our community that need the most help.
LANCE HAMBY AND STEPHEN MARTINO FOR THE EDITORIAL BOARD.
KANSAN STAFF
STEPHEN MARTINO Editor
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Photo ... Daron Bennett
Mellissa Lacey
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Design ... Noah Mueller
Assistant to the editor .. Robble Johnson
Editors
Business Staff
Campus mgr    Todd Winters
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        Regan Ovary
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Called mgr    Heather Nishaus
Letters should be typed, double-spaced and fewer than 200 words. They must include the University's signature, name, address and telephone number. Writers affiliated with the University "Female" are required.
Guest columns should be typed, double-spaced and fewer than 700 words. The writer will be photographed.
The Kansan reserves the right to reject or edit letters, guest columns and cartoons. They can be mailed or brought to the Kansan newsroom, 111 Stauffer-Flint Hall.
A ROAD THAT DOESN'T HAVE A RIGHT-OF-WAY
Matt Hood / KANSAN
LETTER TO
THE EDITOR
Precautions can help sleepwalkers
We would like to commend the University Daily Kansan for your accurate, objective and sensitive coverage of the fatal accident of our son Scott McWhorter on April 24,1994. You did an excellent job of thorough, factual reporting, yet you never sensationalized your treatment of the story. We also thank you for your excellent article on sleepwalking, which helped to promote understanding of this often misunderstood sleep disorder.
As students begin the new school year, we would like to remind them again that, although rare, sleepwalking can be extremely dangerous or even fatal. Students or others who learn that someone they know is a sleepwalker should inform the sleepwalker, the sleepwalker's family and everyone concerned with their daily living about their disorder so that their environment can be protected. A sleepwalker's room should be made as safe as possible. Sleepwalkers should not sleep on an upper floor, on an upper bunk or against a window. We would like to encourage anyone who knows a sleepwalker to be especially aware of the sleepwalker's need for a safe sleeping environment.
Mr. and Mrs.
Robert C. McWhorter
Act like a millionaire; wear your faded jeans with holes
There are many ways to measure the economic prosperity of a society; gross national product, manufacturing, growth, exports and so on.
But an entirely new measure has been developed by Dr. I.M. Kookie, the renowned expert on lots of stuff.
"I was idly flipping through a catalog for a clothing company," he said. "It was called J. Crew, which my wife told me was a fashionable kind of outfit.
"I came to the page where they showed blue jeans, the traditional denn pants. First, there was a spanking new pair of blue jeans, wrinkle-free and neatly pressed. They cost $34.
"Then there was a pair that was faded and old looking and had a hole in the knee, kind of a frayed slash. And these cost $44.
COLUMNIST
"Then I flipped to another page, where they sold flannel and denim shirts. And the most expensive ones were faded and had frayed collars.
"I am not the kind of person who is on the cutting edge of fashion, so I found it surprising that a pair of old, beat-up pants with a hole in the knee would cost more than a pair of fine new ones.
"Or that the kind of shirt that an honest working man used to wear would cost so much because it looks frayed and worn out.
MIKE ROYKO
"So I did some research on this, and I discovered that it started with very young people of the upper-middle class, which is not surprising, since they are known to be dimwitted and for taking great pride in their sad mental condition.
"It seems that some of their screeching cultural icons who are on MTV wore clothes with holes that made them look like bums and poor urchins, and this became very popular among young people. It is fortunate for the rest of society that none of the stars of MTV wear diapers with doo-doo or we would have a real sanitation crisis on our hands.
"My research also showed that in most prosperous suburban communities, the wearing of neat, new-looking clothes is considered, to use a French phrase, dee-classy. That means it does not have class.
"The goal is to look like a hard-working person or a homeless person, but without having to actually do any hard work or sleep on a grate.
"So now we have the sons and daughters of doctors, lawyers and business tycoons who look like they have just finished a hard day of putting up steel girders, when the truth is that they have just carefully dressed for an evening at the Hard Rock Cafe.
"I have documented evidence of a genuine old bag lady taking pity on a rumpled wretch she saw on the street and offering to share her meager possessions, only to discover that he was a graduate student in the school of business at Northwestern University. Sly lad that he was, he accepted her offer of help, took a set of her long underwear, and was the fashion hit at his fraternity's next shindig.
"All through the prosperous communities of America, old clothing is in great demand. Many young people rush from resale shop to resale shop,
hoping to find he ideal knee-hole or broken zipper fly.
"But at the same time, in genuine working-class communities, the demand remains for new garments.
"So we have a strange coming together. The young and prosperous of our society want to look poor and hard-working, while the working class wants to look prosperous. This explains why so many people of modest means try to dress like professional golfers.
"And so I have developed my Theory of Reverse Prosperity. It holds that a society is in great shape when its most prosperous young people can afford to spend extra money to look like they are downtraden and pretend that they have calluses on their hands instead of their back sides.
"In many parts of the world, a new shirt or pair of stockings is a luxury item out of reach to most.
"Here well-fed people compete to see who can look the most hungry.
"This is proof-positive that we are a great society. Or maybe feeble-minded."
HUBIE
Mike Royko is a syndicated columnist for the Chicago Tribune.
By Greg Hardin