4A
Monday, September 19, 1994
OPINION
UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
COLUMNIST
In Haiti, the U.S. can conquer like the big boys
MIKE ROYKO
The United States is great at invasions, and Haiti would be another opportunity to prove it.
"As long as we don't have baseball," Slats Grobkul said, "we might as well invade Haiti and have some daytime TV that's worth watching. But Clinton should do it before O.J.'s trial begins and grabs the ratings."
The use of military force is a serious matter and should not be thought of as television entertainment.
"Maybe. But it's only fair for Clinton to win one. Bush had Desert Storm, which was a smash hit for a while. Reagan had Granada, which was kind of an nickel-dime tussle, but Clint Eastwood still made a pretty good movie about it. Even Gerald Ford had some dinky island, even though nobody remembers the name of it."
foe to kick around?
Are you saying this is becoming a presidential tradition, finding an easy
"Why not? It's a way of letting off steam, having a patriotic high, giving the troops some on-the-job training, and reminding all the little wise-guy, off-brand nations that we're not somebody you want to give lip to."
There are those who say that we have no national interest in Haiti, other than wanting to end the nuisance of its boat people. And all we would do is wind up being bogged down trying to install democracy in a dinky country that has no tradition of democratic rule.
"And they're right about that. It just shows that we're still good at fighting, but we're stupid at winning."
"It means the old-timers knew how
to win. The Roman Empire, Alexander and his Greeks, Genghis and all the other Khans, little Attila and his Hun buddies, and the Spanish guys who came here after Columbus. When they moved in, it was party time — loot and plunder, grab everything that ain't nailed down, and bring home some servants, baby sitters, upstairs maids, handymen and other domestic help you don't have to pay no Social Security for."
I can't believe you are talking about conquering and enslaving people and taking their lands.
"Why not? Look what happened after World War II. Italy surrenders, and we start booking reservations for vacations in Rome. Japan folds, and we give them a new constitution, tell
'em we'll protect them from their enemies so they don't have to squander their money on military stuff, and then we let them hustle us out of all the electronics stuff and cars, which we pretty much invented. And we whip Germany and spend billions protecting them from the Russkies and getting their factories going."
So you would have us invade Haiti for the purpose of exhibiting people?
"Hey, the only reason it is screwed up is they don't know what to do with it. If people can have happy lives in Wisconsin and Indiana, why can't they make it in Haiti, where it don't snow? It's got a good climate, beaches, a lot of low-cost help, so we could give franchises to Disney to build golf courses and theme parks, and the
Bally Company could put in casinos, and Trump could put up condos and time-share resorts. Of course, we don't say we're going to own Haiti forever. Maybe 100 years. Then we lease it back to them and give them the option to buy."
He's dead.
I can't believe in this day and age you would be advocating colonialism and the conquering of your fellow man.
"Why not? It's what made this country great before we went soft. Just ask Sitting Bull."
"He's bad."
"Yeah, but if he wasn't, he'd have a piece of a casino. All's well that ends well."
Mike Royko is a syndicated columnist with the Chicago Tribune.
VIEWPOINT
Those who respect ethnicity should boycott greeting card
The Recycled Paper Greetings card angering many Muslims also should anger all individuals who value their ethnicity and expect
others to respect it.
Although the company has every right to produce cards of such poor taste,no self-
such little regard for the religious beliefs and ethnicity of others. Even if an offensive product does not affect us directly, we should act on the principle
GREETING CARD
The company that makes the tasteless card referring to Muslims should be boycotted until it can show some respect.
respecting person should buy such a card.
that the next time we could be the subject of attack.
The public should peacefully protest and boycott any company that has
If individuals respect their own culture, they should not buy Recycled
DONELLA HEARNE FOR THE EDITORIAL BOARD.
Former mayor is running too soon after jail release
The message sent when a
The resurrection of Marion Barry, through his victory in the Washington Democratic mayoral primary, reveals an apparent flaw in the electoral system.
for a period of five years after release. And bearing in mind that rehabilitation is possible, this prohibition should not be permanent.
Its purpose would be to show disapproval of the
MARION BARRY
Convicted criminals should not be allowed to run for public office for a period of five years after release from prison.
But perhaps the best idea
which is fighting to overcome the staggering problems of crime and poverty. It seems proper to deny convicted criminals the right to hold public office
convicted and their crimes, rather than allowing them to return nearly unscathed to positions of public trust.
would be for the public to remember the past indiscretions of candidates and hold them accountable at the ballot box.
MICHAEL PAUL FOR THE EDITORIAL BOARD
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BOTH SENATOR KENNEDY AND MARION BARRY SAY THEY HOPE YOU WON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Who has the time for 'time management'?
Everyone has advice about time, most of which is useless. I have decided that people who waste time giving advice about how you ought to spend yours, have too much time of their own.
Suggestion #2 — Always take time out for yourself.
I never thought the words "time management" were an oxymoron, but after investigating how I might become more efficient, I have decided they are.
The thing about time is, you have to have it in order to manage it.
That is, of course, except me. I can give you at least 700 words of advice about time.
What's this supposed to mean? The problem is, I don't have enough time
This is some of the advice I have gotten this week:
The people who suggest this must think they are very important. I wonder how they will feel next week when I tell them they weren't high enough on my priority list, and I have to ignore them until tomorrow or even the next day.
Suggestion #1— Prioritize the things you need to do. At the end of the day, don't worry about what you haven't finished. Just do it tomorrow
COLUMNIST
HEATHER KIRKWOOD
to physically accomplish everything I need to do in a 24-hour time frame. Am I supposed to somehow invent time for my own personal amusement? This person must have thought I wasn't very smart. If I could take time for myself, I assure you, I wouldn't have hesitated. If I could invent time, I would be the richest person in the universe.
Suggestion #3 — Drop some of the things you are doing. Only do what is important.
Gee! I wish I would have thought of this one! Only do what is Important!
What a novel idea!
Of course, the only flaw in this brainy plan is that everyone thinks what you are doing for them is the
most important thing you have to do.
Somehow everything else is just
gravy on the biscuit of life.
Sure, I do lots of things that don't seem very important to me, but they seem very important to the professors who assign them. Maybe I'll try this excuse next time at the phone company.
"I didn't think your bill was important enough to take the necessary time in my life to pay it." They would promptly inform me that I am not an important enough customer to take the time to provide me with a working phone.
If I sound grouchy, I am. I haven't had time to sleep much lately. Sleep does wonders for my disposition.
Ooops! Groceries, I guess that's another thing I have to take time to do.
Time is like money. If you have money, all of a sudden you have to learn to manage it so you can make more. What you really needed to know was how to make more of it when you were up to your knees in Ramen noodles with three dimes to your name to pay for next week's groceries.
Heather Kirkwood is a Wichita Junior in magazine Journalism.
'Family values' waffles Clinton to the 'Right'
Cats and dogs living together. That's what I believe President Clinton is really concerned about.
Let me explain. In a recent speech to the National Baptist Convention in New Orleans, the infamous waffle waffled again. I usually don't subscribe to Clinton bashing (any more than I do to using pretentious symbols to describe people — for shame, Gary Trudeau!), but I must confront his speech on "family values."
Before you assume that I will be calling Clinton racist and homophobic, I'm not — at least not flat out. I like the guy; I even voted for him. And he was probably compelled to throw out this rhetoric to compete against Dan Quayle in the next election. And we fondly remember the Murphy Brown episode a few years back that was so embarrassing. If I wanted to call Clinton racist, I'd write a block of text like the one in the Journal-World ("Speaking in a black church...[he] said the nation would be better off if everyone lived... in '50s sitcoms" — yeah, all those black '50s sitcoms!")
Back to the cats and dogs thing. It seems that this attack on nontraditional families (and I do believe a single mother and a child, or two men and a child, CAN be a family) is just his way of reaching out to the Right to say, "Yeah, I care about gays in the military and the gag rule for federally funded family planning clinics, but gosh, I care about conservative issues, too. We just got off to a rocky start. God bless America!"
The Waffle must realize that when he uses the loaded term "family values" and starts making references to the Glorious '50s, he is tarnishing the progressive image of his campaign. "It's just not right," he says, as if he were the Great Moralist of the Church of The Poisoned Mind (now forming in Waco).
We've all heard it before: fire and brimstone will shower the earth if we don't mend our evil ways. Well, I left church the day I heard it and never went back. Though Clinton may not have intended to ruffle the feathers of anyone's boa, he did — MINE!
What if we were to all get married before we have sex, have the right amount of kids in the right amount of time and live in suburban bliss just like the Brady's? Well, to quote Ethan Hawke's response to the same question in the film "Reality Bites": "Because Mr. Brady died of AIDS."
HUBIE
David Johnson is a Coffeyville senior in magazine Journalism.
ALL RIGHT FELAS—
WE GOT TO GET OUT OF
HEE... HEXK OUT OF
HERE, AND THE ONLY
WAY OUT IS DOWN.
THE AIRHEADQUARTERS HERE'S WHERE WE HAVE NOT JUST CREATED A TELEVISION CHANNEL, BUT A CULTURAL
WE TOOK ALL OF THE WORST AMPERATURE NIGHT COMEDIANS IN THE WORLD AND TURNED THEM INTO VIDEO JOCKES!
WE TELL KIDS THAT
THE ONLY COOL PEOPLE
A-LINE ARE AXL ROSE,
MADOWNA, AND KURT
COBAIN!
ABOUT IT!
WE SEND MESSAGES ON HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT SO YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANGE TO THINK
By Greg Hardin
AND IF YOU JUST HAPPEN TO THINK THAT ANY OF THE SEXUAL, SOCIAL, OR POLITICAL BEHAVIORS WE ENDORSE ARE WRONG — WELL,
WE'LL MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY
ABOUT THAT WITH A Few MILLION FREE YOUR MIND COMMERCIALS