KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / WEDNESDAY, APRIL 27, 2011 / NEWS/
7A
LAUREN'S
Lauren is a female who wears masculine attire and takes the dominant role in relationships
"Sometimes, I have to look more "feminine" than I want to for the sake of trying to get a job. I think a men's shirt, vest, and tie is more me, but I don't think I do too bad in the "femme" department. :-)"
THIS PHOTO AND CAPTION WERE CONTRIBUTED
FROM LAUREN'S FACEBOOK PAGE
Lauren Bornstein, 23, grew up in a loving home environment in Lawrence with her parents, a sister and a twin brother. Her parents never pushed gender roles on any of their children. Lauren always felt safe, and she felt that she could talk to them about anything. Despite this close connection, her parents didn't learn that Lauren was bisexual until her sister decided to tell them when Lauren was 17.
"My parents kind of had it figured out, and they'd always say it would be OK if I told them," Lauren said. "Parents don't understand. You don't ask somebody; you don't push somebody and say, 'are you gay? Nobody wants to be labeled."
Although her parents found out before she was ready to tell them, they accepted her and gave her unconditional support. When Lauren told her friends, they weren't so understanding. Lauren suddenly found herself abandoned by many she considered close friends.
"They thought I was flirting with them, which is like every gay person's fear, that people will treat them differently once you come out," Lauren said.
Lauren remained bisexual for a few years, but eventually realized she was a lesbian.
A Free State High School graduate, Lauren started attending the University of Kansas in the fall of 2005. Her freshman year of college was filled with traumatic events, including a relationship and coming to terms with both her femininity and her ultimate preference for a more traditional masculine gender role in relationships with other women.
attractive.
Lauren had a flair for feeling comfortable in a sweater vest and tie. She would see other women wearing ties and thought it was
"I thought to myself, 'I could rock that!'" Lauren said.
She wanted to be comfortable in what she wore. It wasn't until Lauren was introduced to the terms "butch" and "femme" that she began to feel the pressures of being a female with masculine tendencies.
Although she loved wearing men's clothing, she was terrified of being called "butch." She tried to fight it.
more and more compliments for how she looked.
As Lauren started to develop her personal style and realize what she looked best in, she began to receive
"You want to look a way that you don't," Lauren said. "I feel best in androgynous form."
"A guy friend that I had at the time thought I was attractive no matter what." Lauren said. "It didn't matter that he wasn't a woman. He thought I looked good in my girl clothes, and he loved me for that."
"I like treating a girl in a stereotypical way that we would identify as masculine," Lauren said. "I like to have a girl on my arm; I like to show her a good time."
Women were also starting to pay attention to Lauren. By the time she reached her junior year, she was dating more and noticed the positive attention she was getting.
Accepting herself also meant she
had a heightened sense of awareness. It was in summer 2010, after graduating with a double major in sociology and gender studies, that Lauren went to the bar in a small town in Missouri. That event made her scared to dress in a masculine fashion for the first time since her freshman year in college.
"I couldn't go out for a week after that," Lauren said. "I felt so sick to my stomach that someone would see me on the street and think I looked too gay or manly."
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It's been nearly nine months since the incident, but there isn't a day that goes by that Lauren doesn't think about the clothes she's wearing. She wants to avoid drama.
"I am amazed at anybody who is completely comfortable in what they can wear," Lauren said. "I know in my heart and mind, I don't want people making fun of me. I just want the respect and acceptance that we all deserve, and I don't want the fear."
Lauren writes a blog to help her cope with her gender-related issues. She started just anothergayinthelife.com in June 2010. She writes not only about her own experiences, but also discusses issues in sexuality and gender. One major issue she refers to, specifically because it pertains to herself, is the idea of labels.
"I'm genderqueer," Lauren said. "If people need something I give them that label. I prefer no label because nobody should be labeled. Genderqueer is easier to understand. It's not man; it's not woman. It tells you that this is ambiguous. It's a mixture of being both and of being neither. This is gender and it's a little weird."
- Edited by Ashley Montgomery
Contributed photo Lauren (below, right) poses with her friend Emily (below, left) during the 2007 Pride Prom. This was the first time Lauren dressed in drag in public.
GAYpril final celebration
Gaypril, a month-long celebration that the LGBT community hosts every April, is coming to a close. Several guests have visited campus this past month, but there are still a few events left this week.
Brown Bag Drag Friday,12 p.m. Kansas Union Free
Pride Parade
Saturday, 11 a.m.
South Park
Free
Pride Prom
Saturday, 10 p.m.
Wilde's Chateau
$7 for 18 and up
$5 for 21 and up
$7 for 18 and up
$5 for 21 and up