THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
TUESDAY, APRIL 26, 2011
PAGE 5A
opinion
Free for all
My mom told me that I remind her of herself on drugs... thanks mom! The radio just informed me that Kansas law states if your windshield wipers are on, your headlights have to be, too.
apps.facebook.com/dailykansan Listening to "Mmmbop" on the bus and you all have no idea.
If you don't like how loud my music is, just keep your ears to yourself.
I bit a man once, in self defense!
Now that lent is over i can no longer use the excuse "I gave up sex" to hide the fact i don't have a social life.
If I keep looking at you with annoyance while you have your earbuds in and don't know you, it means your music is TOO DAMN LOUD.
The Sims > math homework.
I just found out I vomited in my laundry over the weekend when I saw the back of my jacket that I wore to class.
You can get apples slices and milk with Happy Meals these day. There is nothing happy about that.
Anschutz, get it together. Your false alarms are distracting me from my distractions
Dream: Danny DeVito is running a human meat factory, to efficiently slaughter people and sell the meat to big shot business men. Also produces a secret ingredient to Coca-Cola. I think Zach from Saved by the Bell played his assistant.
Apparently you do see something wrong with it. That's like starting a sentence with "no offence, BUT."
I just argued with my boyfriend about how many letters are in my first name...and lost. I think I need to get some sleep.
Only volunteering in the ER do you go from playing with a one year old baby to almost getting bloody vomit chunks all over you.
I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagle wings, and he's singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk.
Funny enough, Kanye said it best. "you can pay for school, but you can't buy class"
Listen ex-girlfriend- you used to be cute as a button, but I will be damned if you're not a whore now, and I just can't take it. Please move to MU. Or K-State
Really. I don't care what happens. Just don't dance naked on a table. Bad stuff happens when you dance naked on a table.
It upsets me how every radio station brags about nonstop uninterrupted music, but then they all go on commercial breaks at EXACTLY the same time.
Listening to "Mmmbop" on the bus and you all have no idea.
1 #new #get #hashtags #is #it
just #random #words?
I just found out I vomited in my laundry over the weekend when I saw the back of my jacket that I wore to class.
The value of self-love hasn't been lost on my family's pet lovebird. You may say that he re-invented the concept. When his mate died five years ago, he lost his singing partner and the only soul in the house that understood him. (Although my non-English-speaking cleaning lady often talks to the little guy and he chirps back like they have some sort of bird-to-human communication system that my family members and I never figured out.)
HUMOR
Do your own thing, screw the man and let free love reign
He became restless and bored. Now the bird spends his days frantically eating and then purging with his talons onto a wooden rod in his cage. When he is done purging, he immediately starts masturbating on the wooden rod. He does this at any waking hour and often for hours at a time. For the sake of the entire avian population and the dignity of this
BY LIZ STEPHENS
lstephens@kansan.com
smile on his face.
human audience, I am not making this up.
After his mate's death, the bird also developed an aggression comparable to a charging tractor. No longer are we allowed to hold him or pet him or even put a finger into his cage. If the aforementioned action takes place, he bites into my flesh as if it were a piece of soft cheese. Many a time when our blood has stained his feathers do I think I can see the slightest, birdiest
Rule number one: Eat what
I realized that the bird has actually taken his life to the maximum pleasure level that is possible for a creature. Following his rules of thumb—er, claw—we too can have fabulous lives even in isolated depression.
Rule number one: eat what you want, when you want to, and damn the bigger guy who says that you're not allowed. Your stomach is your own and if you want to feel it jut out your ribcage in a pseudo-second trimeter lump, you go girl.
Rule two: If you feel like touching yourself, don't let anyone stop you. There are legality issues here applicable to humans and not to birds, but wearing loose clothing with the pockets cut out or sitting in a corner with a book on your lap should negate those rules.
Rule three: People may try to touch you, shake your hand, give you a high-five, a tap on the shoulder. DO NOT LET THEM, YOU DO THE TOUCHING NOW (see rule two). You have two options: bite them or scream at them with the intensity to make their eyes fill up with blood.
Above and beyond anything, the bird would tell you to do your thing, screw the man, let free love reign. Even if all the love we get is self-love, that's the most important thing of all. We mustn't abandon ourselves; we are our own best support. Even if that means straddling a wooden rod in view of an entire family and their cleaning lady.
Stephens is a junior from Dodge City studying English.
CARTOON
Nicholas Sambaluk
SOCIAL MEDIA ETIQUETTE
Top five Facebook dating don'ts
Dating has always been difficult. But now that the world of social media is taking over our basic routes of communication, there is all sorts of gray areas. Here are a few tips of what not to do that might come in handy when you are trying to catch the eye of that certain someone.
1) Don't ask someone out on a date through Facebook.
I've been convinced for quite sometime that technology is making us lazier and more cowardly, so this has been a pet peeve of mine for a while. When I first started dating in high school, the magic always started with a good old-fashioned phone call followed by an awkward first date. The way it should be. Thanks to Facebook and texting, this doesn't really happen anymore. Call me old school, but it doesn't take much confidence, will power or integrity to ask someone on a date through Facebook. It's just a turnoff.
2) Don't read into your future potential lover's profile too much.
Yes, you can draw conclusions from the over-obvious (like if this person's profile picture is of them in a ski-mask, or if no one has written on their wall since Bush was in office). But don't write this person off because he has flirty wall posts with other girls or photos from a couple drunken nights. Facebook can make us all look like real A-holes. Give them the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the basics.
These types of statuses usually just make you look obsessive, overemotional and stalkerish. I admit, I have been guilty of posting angry Taylor Swift lyrics when a guy I was
3) Don't post passive-aggressive Facebook statuses and expect them to do you any good.
Example "Susie was enchanted to meet you." Or "Bobby really likes you but don't know what to do."
BY MANDY MATNEY
mmatney@kansan.com
talking to decided to fall of the face of the earth. Or when a guy I liked wouldn't ask me out. Back then, (as in like a year and a half ago) I was unaware that human beings are attracted to confidence. Rather than creepily posting awkward feelings to the entire Facebook world, it's better to just confront the person of interest with whatever your problem is.
4) Don't friend request her/ poke too soon.
There is nothing creepier than meet a guy in a bar and three hours later you have a Facebook friend request, poke and a "It was so great meeting you" inbox message awaiting you. Especially when all you told the guy was your first name and major. This leads one to wonder "How the hell did he find me?" which is never a good beginning inquiry. Just wait a day or so. And I would recommend never poking unless you are an obnoxious person who wants a middle school relationship.
This is difficult for many us because Facebook makes us all a little creepy, to be honest. But when you first are starting to talk to someone, don't "like" their high school prom pictures or comment "haha, that's so funny" on every single wall recent post. That said, don't Facebook chat them every minute the both of you are online. Play hard to get. It works, I swear.
5) Don't overcreep.
Matney is a junior in journalism from Shawnee. She is associate opinion editor.
POLITICAL COMMENTARY
Unfair restrictions on feeding the homeless
BOBBY BURCH editor@kansan.com
Ever thought about giving some food to a homeless person? Well, the Federal government wants to you reconsider. Last week, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a Florida ordinance that restricts feeding the homeless at city parks.
While the 11th Circuit insists that donating food to the impoverished in public space is an expressive right, it found the law as a reasonable regulation to maintain order in city parks. The ordinance requires a permit for groups feeding more than 25 people at parks in downtown Orlando, with a maximum of two permits per group, per year.
Orlando Food Not Bombs doesn't think so. The activism group, which has fought against the anti-homeless legislation since 2006, believes that food is a right—not a privilege.
"Our group shares food because people need it," the group's website states.
Reasonable?
As if being homeless weren't difficult enough, this law obstructs rare opportunities for the destitute to enjoy a hot, notorious meal. In addition, the ordinance is a kick in the crotch to any advocate of feeding those who can't feed themselves.
How can government justify the deterrence of a group's right to help the less fortunate on land built and maintained by tax-paver dollars?
The history of government involvement concerning expression in public space addresses considerations of time, place and manner but also reasonable, content-neutral regulation. Time and again the Supreme Court has confirmed the rights of groups to peacefully express themselves in public areas including streets, sidewalks, outside legislative buildings and city parks.
In a 1977 Federal case a Nazi group faced permit and city regulations that made their planned demonstrations illegal. The village of Skokie, a predominately Jewish suburb of Chicago, enacted several municipal laws before the Nazi's march—one of which required assemblies of 50 or more people to pay insurance liabilities of $350,000. The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a U.S. District Judge's ruling that the ordinances violated the first amendment because of unreasonable and non-content neutral restrictions.
So, are the restrictions against groups such as Orlando Food Not Bombes reasonable and content-neutral?
At the core of the rulings in both the 1977 case and this contemporary example is an attempt to balance the interests of the state with the value of expression in public space. According to the 11th circuit, Orlando has a substantial concern in managing
parks and preventing overuse by any single group—especially an organization that threatens the viability of the state's most prominent industry: tourism. As we see nearly every day in American society, the concerns of profitability often trump that of humanity.
After all, seeing that starving family on the way to Disney World might put a damper on the afternoon's fun. Thanks goodness the state's looking out for me, the helpless tourist. I don't know what I would have done if I actually saw people eating their first meal of the week in public space. I probably would've hid in my hotel room and ordered room service.
A look at the data suggests that Orlando's increased rate of homelessness may have influenced the antihomeless ordinance. Orange County, home to Orlando, experienced one home foreclosure for every 110 housing units in 2010—the third highest in the state of Florida according to a report by the Florida Department of Children and Families. The organization also reported a 17 percent estimated increase of homelessness over the last year.
Under the new ordinance groups would be limited to feeding parties with 25 plus people in attendance to twice a year. Why twice a year and not at all? Could you imagine if an organization planned a four-day feeding frenzy at the new-year? Or what about that six-person family who likes to have birthday parties for their children and friends at their favorite local park? I'd like to see the police slap the cake out of little Tommy's hands when his birthday celebration interrupts the order of Orlando city-life.
According to the National Coalition for the Homeless, there are between 130,000 and 200,000 veterans living on the street at any given night in 2009—representing about one fourth of all homeless people. That translates to roughly 375 homeless veterans in Orange County according to the Florida Department of Children and Families estimate
When you consider the percentage of veterans among the homeless population that will be affected by this law I'm sure members of the Westboro Baptist church are jumping for joy.
Although the state is simply attempting to prevent heavy overcrowding of city parks, the ordinance violates the rights to assembly and expression in public space guaranteed by the constitution. Balancing the interests of first amendment freedoms and state control is difficult, but when the law affects those whose voice cannot be heard it's certainly quite a bit easier.
Burch is a senior in journalism from Wichita.
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