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THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 20, 2011
opinion
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Admit it, you only like using hashtags because it says "hash" and you giggle and think "weed."
Now that the campaign is over, I have no excuse to go and talk to random hot people on campus.
I'm sorry ladies, but if your pants say "julicy" or "sexy," I'm gonna "stare" and "look."
To the girl who sits next to me in that one class at that one time in that one hall on campus: Sup?
Had sex yesterday with my girlfriend. "Sportscenter" was on in the background. Mantastic?
Supporting K-State really makes you bad at sports. Guy in the Royals crowd with K-State top on dropped a foul ball that nobody else was contesting! It really isn't that hard to close your hands around a ball!
I keep getting bombarded with stuff about a focus group. What is a focus group? And is there really such a thing as "free" pizza?
Transferring is for lames, like my dad transferred.
On the first day of 4/20 my dealer gave to me/An ounce of Afghan weed. (Stay tuned for remainder of song!)
You would definitely be in trouble if you got boners without having a penis, that's for sure.
If you were DNA, I'd be your helicase so I could unzip your genes!
Woogedy, woogedy, woogedy!
Please stop saying "winning." That goes for everyone. It's not funny. You are not Charlie Sheen, and he is an idiot.
I love the new Sims commercial.
"BAM! Poison up in your body!"
I'm convinced that the more time I spend studying, the more years I take off my life...
"Rocket Power,"FTW!
Don't say dumb things and I won't be able to make fun of you. It's that simple.
Watching Tyler Hansbrough lose is almost as satisfying as watching Missouri lose.
I can't wait for 4/20 to be over so all the potheads will shut up about it.
Dear SUA: If you're gonna give coffee to the first 100 customers, maybe you should get there before they open or put on your sign "Second set of 100 customers."
No one's saying they have to be choir boys; just don't get arrested multiple times a year. It really isn't that hard.
Could our basketball team just go ONE year without one of its members getting arrested? Is that really too much to ask?
I fall in love with strangers on a weekly basis.
Dear roommate, please stop leaving your poop in the toilet. Especially when you know my parents are coming to visit.
Liberal arts offer students tools they may not know they need
CAMPUS
During the week of the Student Senate elections, I was approached by one of the candidates while walking down Jayhawk Boulevard. After introducing herself, this woman asked me if I had finished all of my general education requirements yet. After telling her that I had, she moved on and told me about some of her coalition's platforms. I remained confused about the first question through our whole conversation. When she left, I read the handbill she handed me earlier.
The first bullet point on the piece of paper mentioned a plan to reduce the number of general education courses required for students. I wondered why we would do that.
I'm willing to believe there are some good reasons to require less general education courses. I feel it would be inappropriate of me to argue against
a democratically elected senate when I didn't even bother to look at the issues the two sides were debating until the week of the election. This reminds me of a complaint I've heard numerous times from friends and classmates: "When am I going to use this in the real world?"
Ignore the fact that nearly a quarter of a person's lifespan doesn't take place in reality. The biggest problem with this complaint is the assumption that a person knows how his or her future is going to unfold. The purpose of a rhetorical question is to make your audience draw the same conclusions as you without telling them to do it. It loses part of its strength when you don't actually know the answer to the question yourself.
A professor once told a class I was in that people use 10 percent of what
they prepare for, but they never know which 10 percent it is going to be. Maybe I'm naive to believe the future will hold some surprises, but this strikes me as a much better mantra than, "When am I going to use this?"
It's foolish to avoid information just because you didn't choose to learn it yourself, and it leads me into a rhetorical question of my own. If you're only interested in learning job skills, why did you choose a university over a trade school? I thought the defining difference between the two was that you learned subjects outside your professional field at a university.
I also believe that students will probably use their general education at some point in their future. Math gives students a chance to exercise their problem-solving and pattern-recognition skills. Science offers students a
framework for questioning the world and instills a distaste for taking facts at face value.
Social studies is a record of what human beings are capable of accomplishing and as such defines the standards we will be held to for the rest of our lives. English is probably the most important of all, as it teaches both the concepts of presenting ideas with the audience in mind and of following arbitrary rules, both of which will definitely be needed at some point in life.
Argue that less general education courses should be required, but please don't tell me there's no value in practicing some of these important skills as a professional.
Ben Holladay is a senior in journalism from Mulvane.
Medical marijuana helps patients and the state
Within the last two legislative sessions, I introduced two comprehensive medical marijuana bills to the Kansas House of Representatives to assist Kansans with debilitating medical conditions and severe pain like cancer, AIDS, Crohn's disease, multiple sclerosis and hepatitis C.
The latest "Cannabis Compassionate Care Act" bill would legalize the use of medical marijuana for certain debilitating medication conditions, provide registration of patients and strong regulation of a compassion centers, allow a defendant to assert the medical purpose for using marijuana as a defense and decrease the number of criminal prosecutions relating to marijuana. Finally, it would provide a very conservative $1 million increase in net tax revenues to our state coffers to help
reduce our severe budget deficits.
As of this date, I continue to receive a tremendous amount of emails, calls and support from all over the state. Fifty-eight percent of adults in Kansas support the legalization of medical marijuana, according to a poll conducted last year by SurveyUSA.
Communication from constituents is one of the most decisive factors for your legislator when considering an issue. I encourage you to Take Action this Wednesday, April 20, by visiting www.kannabisproject.com,www.kannabisproject.com and by contacting your legislator to voice your support.
Gail Finney is a state representative for the 84th District of Wichita.
The argument to legalize marijuana is:
□A fine one, because it should be legal!
□Lame, cliché, never going to happen.
Medical marijuana should be considered.
Doritos Blazin' Buffalo & Ranch, meow. Vote now at KANSAN.COM/POLLS
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Waiters need to be on the lookout for tequila-drinking infants
There are plenty of reasons to love chain restaurants. The quirky assortment of memorabilia on the walls gives you something new and interesting to look at whenever you want to avoid talking to your family. The colorful picture menus help give you an idea of what your mozzarella sticks will look like before they arrive. And the friendly, down-home atmosphere created by the passionate teenaged staff always keeps you coming back for more.
But an unfortunate trend that has swept through America in recent weeks threatens to destroy the very fabric of chain restaurant culture. It is an ever-growing menace to the sterling reputation of chain restaurants everywhere. And if it continues, people might be forced to eat local, or worse — eat at home.
I'm talking, of course, about drunk babies.
First, a 15-month-old in Michigan was served tequila instead of apple juice at Applebee's. Then, a toddler at a Florida Olive Garden was given a kid's cup full of sangria. Most recently, a four-year-old who ordered a milkshake at a Chili's in Chicago was given a Mudslide instead.
I don't mean that babies are sitting at home, getting wasted on Wild Turkey, then deciding to get together and lay siege to their local
BY ALEX NICHOLS anichols@kansan.com
Bennigan's for kicks. I mean that three chain restaurants in the last week alone have somehow accidentally served alcohol to very tiny children without even seeing an ID.
Now, you may be thinking, "Wait, how could drunk babies be a bad thing? That sounds adorable!" If you actually are thinking that, you're a terrible person, but you also sort
of make a good point. The concept of a drunk baby is pretty hilarious. Imagine something as cute as a baby, which is already dumb and nonsensical, becoming even more dumb and nonsensical by drinking a margarita out of, say, a formula bottle.
Funny, right? Unfortunately, it's not nearly as humorous in practice as it is in theory. As it turns out, real drunk babies require immediate medical attention. (Maybe it would work better as a cartoon?) The parents of the accidental lil' drunkard in Michigan have already sued Applebee's for "emotional distress and medical expenses," according to the Associated Press. In all three cases, the mixed drink mix-ups resulted in headaches for the parents and hangovers for the kids.
Many restaurants have already maneuvered to change where and how they make and serve drinks, but I think greater efforts should be made to educate workers (who are surely eager to learn how to better serve the customer) on alcohol policy.
When I interviewed for a job at Applebee's back in high school, I was asked literally hundreds of questions, including tricky ones like, "Do you approve of employee theft?" This was a great way of weeding out people who did approve of employee theft. The same should be done with alcohol. Restaurants should ask applicants whether they consider it appropriate to serve alcohol in sippy cups, and they should be tested on their ability to differentiate between grown adults and alcohol-seeking babies wearing fake mustaches. (Fake mustache technology is incredible these days.)
Whatever they do, it needs to be done well. I couldn't bear to see these restaurants go out of business. If they did, I'd have to spend a bunch of money buying random crap to tack on the walls of my unused dining room. It's a comfort thing.
Nichols is a senior from Stilwell in creative writing.
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