WEDNESDAY, JULY 2, 2008 Opinion WWW.KANSAN.COM THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
15
OPINION
ADVICE
Jayhawk dirty talk
Why is it that no matter how smitten enamored or sexually infatuated a lady might be with a gentleman, when her friends are present, little to no signs are shown and all of aforementioned friend's needs and desires come first, to the point of avoiding all alone or private moments in favor of said friend. Whereas guys go to great lengths in order to leave their friend alone under such circumstances and allow the natural process.
Basically, why do women allow each other to. dare I say...pussyblock? each other so regularly without dispute?
- Kitty Blocked
It would be a moot point to give you advice about what happened in the past (especially since I don't know the specifics of the situation), so I will try to give you advice for the future. I will also assume that since you didn't say that this lady was your girlfriend, she was someone you just met.
Understand that when you try to get a girl to come home with you there is much to consider.
Do you come across as sensitive and respectful, or does it seem like you just want to get laid?
You have to understand that boys and girls are socialized differently. Men are taught that going out for random play just makes you one of the guys while women are taught that if they do the same they are sluts. For you, this may just seem like a one night stand, but she might be looking for something more. Lawrence Sex Therapist Dennis Detweiler says that men and women often view this situation differently.
“There's a myth that guys are just wanting to get laid and get off and for women it's a much more emotional experience, and it is. There is some truth to that, generally speaking," Detweiler said. "Men connect through sex and women need to feel connected to have sex. That's just true. Women need to feel bonded... They're checking with their friends, 'am I making a mistake, is this a bad idea, cause for me I know it's not just about sex and getting laid. Am I going to regret it in the morning?"
Detweiler's words are supported by a recent Duram University study. Out of seventen hundred people surveyed just under half of women who have one night stands regret it afterward.
How developed is your relationship with this person?
If you just met, her friends will be more important to her than you. Their approval is something you are going to need if you are going to get anywhere with her. These are the people she looks to when she doesn't have the answers. Their needs are going to out rank yours just about every time. Examine yourself and figure out if you are doing anything that might lead to an undesirable response.
I know I said I wouldn't bring the girlfriend situation up, but this is important. If the girl in question is your girlfriend, you may want to reevaluate your relationship with her. Are you two closer than her and her friends? If you think so, and this pussy blockery keeps happening, you need to talk to her and find out how she feels about the relationship. Try to compromise.
Are you over generalizing?
When dealing with any situation it is never a good idea to over generalize, especially when dealing with affairs of an amorous nature. Sweepy generalizations such as, "...why do women allow eachother to..dare I say..pussy-block? each other so regularly without dispute??" and, "guys go to great lengths in order to leave their friend alone under such circumstances and allow the natural process," are not going to get you the answers you're looking for. Not all women pussyblock and not all men act as carnal targeting systems for their friend's dicks. There are wing men and women, just like there are pussy/cock blockers. Neither sex is narrowly confined in the way it operates. You are going to find that there will be women who are totally down for going home with you and there are others who aren't.
Just be a nice guy and things will work out.
Peter is a Shawnee sophomore in journalism.
Send your questions to dirtytalk@kansan.com
Max Rinkel
> LETTER TO THE EDITOR
White Owl coverage overshadows more serious issues
A newspapers responsibility is to report the news that will directly or indirectly effect the lives of it's readers. But the The Kansan's Q & A with Julia Lee, the fiancée of White Owl, does not meet that responsibility and instead is a debasement of the institution of American journalism. The level of public discourse in this country is at an embarrassingly low level, and it is this kind of faux journalism and trivial entertainment that has brought it down to the current level. This article appeared in the The Kansan in a week that saw the continuation of violence in Iraq, the corruption of the elections in Zimbabwe, campaign finance issues in this country and the death of a legendary comedian, but instead of running in-depth articles on those stories. The Kansan chose to run the article on the "campus celebrity" on page 3, long before any of the aforementioned stories. This lack of judgment is magnified by the fact that young students and their families who are visiting the University for orientation will certainly pick up the The Kansan, and the prominent article on White Owl will give the impression of mockery and satire in an otherwise serious publication. People may start to confuse The Kansan for The Onion.
— Danny Belkin Minneapolis senior
I wonder how many players will go onto professional debate next semester? Oh wait, people don't give a shit about our champion debaters cause it's not basketball!!
Master debators, huh? Yeah... about that...no one cares...go play with yourselves.
Damn it, all I want is a freakin' cuddle/screw buddy for the summer!!
Who doesn't?
I just need some summer lovin'.
Lost my sunglasses and morals at stampede this weekend. Totally worth it!!
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