e guarded and don't become
deemed to others will be attracted
doesn't become emotionally
Or if you grew up with
ily, you will naturally be drawn
nance abuse."
an individual's parents. Hendrix and Hunt now provide relationship workshops.
en? That's a good question, and
Meeting someone who can satisfy your needs is another source of this unconscious attraction. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus and Mars and Venus on a Date, says those needs
don't necessarily have only one soul because you can have compatibility on level with several different people." n Gray, author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus
really explain.
 referred to as the Imago
the theory was co-created by
a pastoral counselor, and his
ment, in 1984. Hendrix defines
by choosing a partner based on
wants that are similar to those of
I adolescence, we all mate, according to Dennis of social welfare. Thisies or attributes we are is this varies for every a room and in about or two people who While different types of its process, the main one action."Of course, you need to a guy, and he ends "Dalley says. This sexual nosesecond and is usually the main sense. Dalley also tips must have a sexual
can be very simple or be deeply rooted.
A mate can also meet your needs by providing healing. Gray says we tend to duplicate relationships or situations from the past. For example, if a woman grew up with an absentee father, she will tend to be attracted to married or unavailable men. This is when being able to identify these unconscious attractions is important. Being attracted to unavailable men is not going to help you get the healing you need, but recognizing that you seek someone who can be there for you and therefore provide healing or resolve your past issues is the main part.
"As a woman, you may see a man carrying a large load and become attracted to him because he has bigger muscles and is stronger. He will be able to help carry or move things, therefore meeting a need for you," Gray says.
Brandon Hinson says he can't really explain why he is so into his girlfriend of 13 months, Kelly Kerr, Leawood senior:"I just know that if you put her in a lineup of 100 girls, she'd still stand out because she is on her own level."
In Mars and Venus on a Date. Gray addresses men's goal to make women happy and women's goal to be happy. If a man receives a positive reaction from a woman, then he believes he can make her happy.
A woman will get excited about this same situation, because she anticipates that the man really can make her happy. Both instances show how, through unconscious attraction, men and women can fulfill each other's needs.
Gray also identifies growth and learning as a factor of unconscious attraction. We seek out someone who is not exactly like us. We want to learn new things, and those people who have different experiences can teach us about them. Opposites really do attract. Beth Rogers, Overland Park sophomore, and her boyfriend, Andre Fyler, Liberal junior, are a perfect example."He gets along with just about everyone he meets, and he's really outgoing, which I'm not," Rogers says. "I really feel like he balances me out."
Reactions in the mind and body
Physical reactions take place while these unconscious factors are at work.Attraction releases chemicals in the brain.This causes the presence of endorphins, which create a high."This reaction is why you can stay up all night talking to someone you've become attracted to, get up and go to class the next day and still feel great," Jesse Johnson says. This is why everyone seems to love beginning a new relationship, as the level of euphoria is one that you don't usually feel at any other time in a relationship.Melva Johnson says this is why many people will bounce from one relationship to another within short periods of time.
Some reactions are specific to men and women, though. For women, the sequence of reactions begins with intrigue or interest, which promotes positive feelings and curiosity, which then leads to conversation, Gray says. Next comes emotional
continued on page 12
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Illustrations by: Catherine Coquillette
05.08.2008 11 VOL.5ISS.31