wescoe wit
Guy I! Hey, man. You know, pink shorts are out of style.
Guy 2: What? No, these are red.
Guy 1: Well, they look pink to me.
Guy 2: Hey, you can't make fun of these shorts, the ladies love them. I can't keep them off of me. You wanna borrow them? Give them a try?
Guy I: No, no. Guys trading clothes is kinda weird.
Guy I: I should be a Tibetan monk god. I could put that on my business cards.
Guy 2: Yeah, you could be all like,
"Do what I say or I'll shrink your penis."
Guy 1: I'm thinking of growing a mullet.
**Guy 2:** Oh, if you do it, you have to do it right. Grow a power mullet—Billy Ray Cyrus style.
**Girl:** Make it an Achy Breaky mullet.
Girl (on phone): ...So I told her I didn't want to go roller-skating with her anymore, either.
Guy 1: He said the reason he started smoking was because he was out of Red Bulls.
Guy 2: No, I'm pretty sure he has two left in the fridge.
Guy 3: Be careful!
Guy I: Really?
Guy 2*Yeah*, I was gonna buy him some Bawls instead, but Red Bulls were cheaper.
Guy I: (Snickers) I don't see how you can say that without laughing.
Girl 1: Have you ever just been sitting in an awkward position and your vagina falls asleep?
Girl 2: Yeah, I know! So weird.
Girl 1: Weird,且 pleasurable. It feels kind of like an orgasm.
Girl: Argh, my stapler broke. I feel like my life is over.
Girl 1: My little brother's prom was this weekend. I told him not to lose his virginity, and he said he couldn't promise anything.
**Guy:** I got a 45 percent.
**Girl:** I got a 49.
**Guy:** Baller.
Girl: If you teach me how to flirt, I'll tell you about jizz.
Girl 1: Some old lady alum are stopping by my sorority later today, and the planner person said they'd want to ask me questions. I asked what type, and her example was,"Like whether or not girls still wear hats to church."
Girl 2: Did you tell her most girls are too busy shacking to go to church?
**Guy 1:** I have mono again.
**Guy 2:** Who'd you get it from this time?
**Guy 1:** I have no [pause] idea.
Girl 1: How are you?
Girl 2: I'm great, but...
Girl 1: Fantastic!
Guy 1: Did you see Paula on American Idol last night? Crazy.
Girl I: I totally called it! Right when Ryan introduced the judges, I was like, "Paula looks even more high than usual tonight."
Guy I: Nice.
- Elise Stawarz
THU 8 RA BA RIOT
THE LITTLE ONES • FOURTH OF JULY • BOO & BOO TOO
FRI 9 BRODY BUSTER BAND
VOLUNTEERS - A BENEFIT FOR THE SOC, SERV. LEAGUE
SAT 10 WHITE FLIGHT LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME! A MULTI-MEDIA EVENT
EARLY JAZZ MATINEE FRIDAY MAY 16 W/ THE CASUAL TIE 4-8 PM $2
SAT 17
SPRING INTO SUMMER FESTIVAL
APPROACH 12AM + THE HEARERS 11PM
THE APPLESEED CAST A SPIRM
CHECK OUR WEBSITE FOR UPDATES ON TIMES.
MORE BANDS & DIS AT THE REPLAY!
WED 14 MARGOT & THE NUCLEAR SO & SO'S
WILCO / M.I.A. AFTERPARTY FREE WJ TICKET STUBI
CAMERON MCGILL - THE ROSEWOOD THIEVES
MON12 DEAD MEADOW THE OLD BLACK *THE SMOKE & MIRRORS BAND*
SUN 11 THE CASUAL LUST
AUBREY • THE NOISE FM
THU 15 ANOTHER HOLIDAY
CECADR + HOMER WIGGUM
THU 8 THE FRONT
1950 D.A.
FRI 9 IRON GUTS KELLY
CIRCLE OF TRUST = UNKNOWN STUNTMAN + DJ PROOF
SAT 10 THE BIG IRON
THE GONERS·IDEAL CLEANERS
SUN 11 * EARLY ALL AGES PATIO SHOP 5:30PM
TO BENEFIT THE WETLANDS - I.R.A. & THE JUNIORS
11:30AM TICKETS + MISS ALISON OLASSA
* JAVELINA INGERS
DEAD COMMUTER
04 05.08.2008 VOL: 5 ISS: 31
MON12 ANIMALE KTP
TUE 13 THE BLACK HOLLIES
THE SPOOK LIGHTS
interesting fact: Male and female rats can have sex 20 times a day. —www.stunning-stuff.com
contact the writer:
estawarz@kansan.com