4
University Daily Kansan/Monday, October 14, 1991
OPINION
Campaign '92
Neither party is fair with campaign funds
President Bush's re-election campaign is about to begin a massive fundraising drive in an effort to make a preemptive strike at federal matching funds. The matching funds are generated by the $1 checkoff boxes on federal tax returns. A Treasury Department ruling has put access to the matching campaign funds on a first-come, first-served basis. If the Bush drive is successful, the fund will essentially be depleted before any of the Democratic candidates get to use it.
It is not surprising that the Democratic National Committee and the public interest group Common Cause are already crying foul. Their complaint is easy to understand. The field of Democrats running for president in 1992
is going to need all of the help it can get. The Democrats are not occupying any moral high ground, however. If they were currently in the White House, the Republicans would be assailing the pending Democratic rip-off.
In addition, the solution proposed by congressional Democrats only compounds the problem. They want the ruling rewritten so that future tax-checkoff money can be distributed before it begins to replenish the matching funds next April 15. This shouldn't surprise anyone. Congress has continually proven willing to spend money it doesn't have yet.
There is undoubtedly room for campaign reform in the United States, yet it ought to be accomplished without sending good money after bad. Public financing of political campaigns is questionable as a general concept and a travesty in its current form. As it now stands, federal matching funds are only reinforcing the imbalance between incumbents and challengers. Let Common Cause find a way for presidential candidates to share their message without spending taxpayers' money to doit.
Mandate English?
With the number of domestic problems facing the United States, there are more appropriate places to spend our money. How about a tax-checkoff box for education?
John Noltensmeyer for the editorial board
Pasar la ley de ingles es anticonstitucional
The U.S. Constitution does not provide the American public with an article stating that English is the official language of the country. Instead, the Constitution allows us to use language freely in speech. However, the freedom of speech guaranteed us more than 200 years ago may now be taken away.
U. S. English, a Washington, D.C., political interest group, believes that it is "a violation of English speakers' civil rights to hear foreign languages in the street and to be made to feel like a stranger in one's own country."
Recently, U.S. English has had enough political power to persuade legislatures in 18 states to pass Englishonly laws requiring English to be the official language of the state.
The consequences of the official language laws are damaging. The services that non-English speakers use will be the first attacked by U.S. English. Terminated could be: 911 emergency services to those who do not speak English and translators in public hospitals, leaving those who cannot communicate with the doctor to die; bilingual voting materials, leaving a large segment of the U.S population unrepresented; and bilingual television programs and bilingual advertising, leaving the United States
with an economic loss.
A bill mandating English as the official language of any state, county or town is absurd. The passage of such a bill is an indirect form of discrimination that would produce great resentment. English, through necessity, is already the predominant language of the United States. Is America so insecure that it needs to enact laws to reaffirm the obvious?
Jose Vasquez for the editorial board
Getting a job is easy: Give up your true self
Shhh! Did you hear that? A whimpering sound is quite audible and is steadily getting louder. Now it is a full fledged sob — where could it be coming from? Well, if you’re anything like me, it is your bankaccount suffering from malnutrition, and its cries increase with each empty pang. To quiet this hungry beast (and before Sally Struthers begins to campaign for its cause on late-night TV), I have begun to hunt for its food. Stupid metaphors aside, what I am saying is that I have started to look for a job. Getting the green in your bank machine takes more than just a pretty face (or at least that’s the theory). Finding a job takes skill, persistence, diligence and most of all, a lot of trickery and deceit.
First and foremost, you must remember that no employers want to hire the true you; they want to hire their ideal. Think about it: Would you hire yourself if you knew that you refused to be toilet trained until you were 8 years old, that you never miss an episode of "The New Love Connection" or that you bite your toenails? or course not — the guy who gets the jobs is the one who sits at his interview with a professional knee in a ultra-sophisticated and very uncomfortable fashion acting cool, calm and downright giddy over the notion of "teamwork" — completely fake, yet successful tactics.
If you are on your way to the plasma center for next month's rent or if your refrigerator shelves are full of condiments with no substantial food to accompany them, please take heed to ensure incredibly helpful job-getting tips.
INCREDIBLY HELPFUL JOBGETTING TIP #1 | Your resume should truly sing you graces. The most effective way to achieve this is to take on the attitude of your proud, boasting grandmother. For example: You were never a "baby sitter," but a "dad's helper." You also staged "Todder Management." Did you work at McDonald's? Then got down something like "In charge of editions distribution and consumer satisfaction at major U.S. corporation."
HIJKT #2-Don't say "I'm a people person" during your interview. Who
Matt Walsh
Staff
Columnist
isn't a people person? Only the way you could not be one is if you're responsible for a body count. Come to think of it, Charlie Manson could even claim to be a people person, providing of course he left out exactly what he did with the people.
HJLGT #3-No matter how little you
wear it, got Dana Quan.
where it got Dana Quan.
IHJGT #4-Kiss up to the secretaries they are the ones who really run the place.
HJIGT 65- Don't sleep with a future employer to get a job. As soon as you finish your cigarette, go home and sleep.
HJIGT #6 - Dress for success. Many of us must find the balance between making a good impression and utilizing what we have. This balance is sometimes met with creative, impromptu mending. Women are the best at the art of creative mending. One girl I know found a large hole in the leg of her blue tights as she was walking out the door. Not wanting to remove the tights, she promptly grabbed a Crayola marker and inked in the visible skin. I wonder why she didn't just color her entire lower body to eliminate further stress. I had a job interview recently on a particularly hot day. I had on a tie and jacket, and my car, the Toyota No-Frill, has no air conditioner. Because Lakes Michigan and Superior flowing through your armpits does not exactly secure the job of your dreams, I thought I'd leave my bodily secretions to the power of the mind. I didn't get the job. It may have had something to do with me sweat. I will not sweat!"
I hope your bank account is on its way to quiet pacification, while you settle into your new job as a direct result of my helpful tips.
Matt Walsh is an Emporia sophomore majoring in journalism and theater.
Need money to rebuild Hoch? Just sell Ottawa
When ture destroyed Rock Auditorium on June 15, KU was left without a multipurpose facility to hold special events such as Rock Chalk Revue, Vespers and colossal chemistry classes.
Kansas Gov. Joan Finney has said the University of Kansas should conduct a fund-raising drive to rebuild Hoch Auditorium. But that's the Medulla Owen's Simpliastic portion of Joan's brain talk, because the state needs roughly 15-20 quadrillion dollars before Hoch can be rebuilt. Even the KU alumni from Johnson County don't have THAT kind of money.
I have a solution on how to raise the needed money. Kansas should sell one of their basically useless towns. I would like to nominate Ottawa as the town to be put up on the block.
It's *sugar*'s feelings that the people in Ottawa wouldn't appreciate her favorite hobby — which is, how should I put this — messing up the carpet. "Away with Ottawa," says my mercieless pup.
Rich Bennett Staff columnist
Now hear me out on this. Kansas could sell Ottawa to, say, the Japanese, who would then haul the entire city away on some sort of gigantic Mitsubishi flat-bed truck. I'm not sure Ottawa could bring in the big bucks, but it would be a start anyway.
Now don't think this is some hare-brained scheme. A close personal friend of mine named Ginger, who also happens to be my close personal dog, couldn't agree with me more.
My reasoning, while slightly differ
Now, I'm told the people of Ottawa are very friendly. I'm sure they (the people of Ottawa) are fine, upstanding citizens as well. I just wish they could be fine and upstanding somewhere else.
Ottawa is like a seemingly never-
ending school zone where the speed
init through the entire town is 20mph.
 joggers have been pulled over in
Itawe. Even children aboard Big
Wheels are at risk.
I'm even prepared to furnish a new location for the town. Whoever purchases Ottawa can move it to Montana, where my family inherited a sizable amount of land several years ago. Considering the vast amount of trees on our property, it will be impossible to exceed 20 mph there.
ent, is just as self-serving. I have had a distaste for the city of Ottawa since the time I was pulled over while sputtering through the town at 131 mph.
Once Kansas peddles Ottawa, KU will be well on its way to having a multipurpose auditorium again
KANSAN STAFF
HOLLY LAWTON
Editor
Even Ginger agrees.
JENNIFERREYNOLDS Managing editor
TOM EBLEN General manager, news adviser
Editors
News Erik Schutz
Editorial Karen Park
Planning Sarah Davis
Campus Eric Gorski
Sports Mike Andrews
Photo Brian Scheowi
Features Tiffany Harness
Graphics Melissa Unterberg
Editors
KATIE STADER Business manager
Rich Bennett is an Overland Park senior majoring in journalism.
JEANNEHINES Sales and marketing adviser
RICHHARSHBARGER Retail sales manager
Business Staff
Campus sales mgr...Leeyn Brantley
Regional sales mgr...Jeffrey Claxton
David McIlwain
Co-op offices mgr...David Mclwaine
Co-ops mgr...Jay Keeler
Production mgrs...Jay Steiner,
Wendy Stertz
Managing director
Creative director
David Haliberg
Classified mgrs...Jennifer Jacquinto
**Letters should be typed, double-space and fewer than 200 words. They must include the writer's signature, name, address and/or phone number, or faculty or staff position.**
**Columns should be typed, double-space and fewer than 200 words. The writer will be photographed.**
The Kansas reserve should the right to reject or edit letters, columns and oral notes. They can be submitted via e-mail at North Hall.
Loco Locals
AST FAST DATA CAME
BACK FROM THE CAULED
TEST PROBE TO SEE IF
ITS INSTRUMENTS COULD
DETECT LIFE...
EASUREMENTS WEBRTAKEN
AT MANHATTAN, KANSAS...
AFTER THE DATA WAS
PROCESSED, THE ANALYSIS
WAS GIREN - A "BURP", TO
NO ONE'S SURPRISE...
OUT NOW THE DATA IS RECYCOLED BACK TO ITS ENERGYMENT...
by Tom Michaud
OOOOO LOOK AT IT!
PORTY PICTURES...ANIMA
WHAT'S THIS?? THE
CATZ WON??
SHEWT,
THAT SUSCKER DROPPED
ME OFF IN A PARA DERR.
OPPOSITE UNIVERSE ...IT.