University Daily Kansan / Friday, May 3, 1991
7B
Book gives tips to speeders
Former state trooper tells how to avoid speeding tickets
The Associated Press
ALBANY, N.Y. — Uh oh Those flashing red lights behind you on the highway mean it's time to slow down. The weather is cold of the road and face the congestion.
What can you say to the state trooper saunting to your window that will give you the best shot of avoiding a ticket?
a. "I was just going with traffic."
b. "My car is broken."
c. "I'm a police officer in the next town over, and I'm late fbr work."
d. I’m a minister, and I’m late for a funeral service."
answer, and he's only too happy to share it with you.
James Eagan knows the correct
Eagan, retired last year after 20 years watching the roads, has written a 150-page book on how to get away with speeding.
A *Speader's* Guide to Avoiding Tickets" gives hints on everything from excuses that cops might buy (an urgent need to visit the bathroom often works) to that bumper stickers (a common excuse for the Grateful Dead to vow).
"If they're going to do it — and ARE they going to do it — at least they should use common sense about it," said the 44-year old Eagan.
Eagan said he was not trying to encourage unsafe driving. But his firm in his belief that the 55 mph speed limit is a charade that only serves to keep money flowing into depleted state coffers.
"No law is broken more than a speeding law," he said. "The will of the people is supposed to govern what is the law of the people. It's very obvious that the will of the country is that people don't want to go 55.
"Everyone should use a speed that is reasonable and prudent," he said. But I think 55 on Interstate 90 is well suited to the speed and prudent on a summer day.
The Associated Press
ALBANY, N.Y. - Assuming the obvious solution - obeying the speed limit doesn't appeal to us - are still stuck to avoiding a speeding ticket.
Trooper offers up some tips to keep police off your back
Retired New York State Police Trooper James Eagan, in his book A Speckers' Guide to Avoiding Tortures, follows helpful tips for keeping police of
■ Make sure the officer knows that you represent no danger. After you've pulled over, sit in the car with your hands on the steering wheel.
wheel. Don't fumble through your glove compartment for your registration until the cop asks, and don't set out of the car.
Don't put up a fight. Make the officer see you as a human being instead of a speeding statistic and there's a chance you may be spared a ticket. Be respectful, but don't say "sir," too many times.
- Remove your Grateful Dead bumper sticker and any empty beer can cluttering up your car
- Have a friend come in, might be of a different persuasion.
Stickers advertising that you're a nurse, emergency worker or volunteer firefighter are helpful.
- Don't say, "See you in court."
Don't say, "See you in court."
For women, a flood of tears often works. So does trembling.
"The cop views himself as a 20th-century knight in shining armor." Eagan writes.
The best time to travel is the middle of the month. Procrastinating cops haven't gotten around to meeting their monthly ticket quotas and aggressive cops have already given what they need.
Sitcom stars Gopher and Cooter are hits in Washington, too
The Associated Press
Hey, it worked for Gopher and Cooter.
WASHINGTON — So you wanna be a political star? Listen up. Get a silly part on an escapist TV series, stick for years, then run for Congress.
The bumbling
puser on "The
Love Boat" and
the hayseed garage
mechanic on
"The Dukes of
Haz z a r d "
are recivingly
of that clownish sitcom
who calls him director.
Fred Grandv
roles can disguise serious politicians.
The featherweight prime time images reaped by Reps, Fred Grandy (Gopher) and Ben Jones (Cooter) have dissolved to reveal two blunt and thoughtful lawmakers. They aren't afraid to defy conventional wisdom, their parties or their constituents on occasion. And they don't shy away from sensitive issues such as banning flag-burning or censoring arts grants; they've been outskouted opponents of both.
In the late 1970s and early 1980s the two were on TV shows that were light fare, to say the most.
"I did a lot of acting with chimpms and animals," says Grandy, an Iowa Republican. He no illusions about Gopher. "He was the amiable wise-
cracking, cute, oafish second officer who usually acted as a foil for the captain. He usually didn't get the girl."
Well, maybe. But the bottom line is Cooter fixed cars and Gopher, as he says now, mainly stood by the door and said, "Welcome on door."
Jones, a folksy Georgia Democrat,
has gentler memories. He compares
his character to Little John or Huck-
leberry Finn. "Cooter was the quintessential good ol' boy," Jones
drawls. "He'd give you the shirt off
his back. He was hard-working,
unfortunate and fun-loving."
Who could blame their opponents for making a little hay when they ran
"The Democrats were saying I was a real dummy. I was Gopher. Who wants Gopher to be their member of Congress?"
for Congress?
That same year, Jones said, Georgia Republicans were saying they found his candidacy "hilarious — a factor from a stupid television show."
Nevertheless, Grandy was elected on his first effort and Jones made it on his second try in 1988, reunning the game not been cast together since 1976.
That was the year they made "The Lincoln Conspiracy," a forgettable film in which the two played co-con
spirators of John Wilkes Booth in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.
"I think he was shot and I was hanged." Grandy says. "It was a real classic. One of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life."
Except for their one-time intersections in Savannah, Ga., to make the movie, Grandy and Jones followed Mr. Anderson's paths to television and Washington
For Grandy, it was prep school,
Harvard, a year as a congressional aide and on to the insecure life of a beginning actor in New York City.
"I didn't think the show would run 13 weeks," he recalls. "I thought, why would anybody watch this?" Nine years later, the show still going strong, Grandy went home to Sioux City to run for Congress — "dragging the dead weight of Gopher," as one writer put it.
Eventually Grandy landed the role on "The Love Boat" and moved to Los Angeles.
On balance, Grandy says, being known as Gopper was better than not.
"You're going to spend 75 cents of every campaign dollar just getting people to remember your name," Grandy says. "Quite honestly, it is people say something terrible about you, not know you at all."
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