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HAWK TOPICS
CANADIAN POLITICIAN MIKE LAKE CALLS FOR BIGFOOT TO BE PLACED ON HIS COUNTRY'S ENDANGERED SPECIES LISTS.
Lake has been a relentless mythical animal rights advocate ever since his infamous attempt to save the fabled Canadian unicorn, tragically, came too late.
2 LOS ANGELES TOPS THE AMERICAN LUNG ASSOCIATION'S LIST OF THE MOST POLLUTED CITIES IN AMERICA.
THE POPULAR WB DRAMA GILMORE GIRLS ANNOUNCES THAT ITS SEVENTH SEASON WILL BE ITS LAST.
One ALA official poetically described the air quality of L.A. as "a noxious mixture of car exhaust, stale eggs, death and Paris Hilton's post-party, morningafter breath."
6 THE GENERAL LEE, THE FAMOUS DODGE CHARGER FROM THE DUKES OF HAZARD, SELLS AT AUCTION FOR $9.9 MILLION.
If Grey's Anatomy makes it to a seventh season, then the terrorists win.
Meanwhille, last week's food drive for poverty-stricken children netted nearly $150. America: love it or leave it!
BRITAIN'S QUEEN ELIZABETH II MAKES A RARE ROYAL VISIT TO THE UNITED STATES,VISITING THE ORIGINAL ENGLISH SETTLEMENT OF JAMESTOWN AND ATTENDING THE KENTUCKY DERBY.
The Queen, a self- described "huge Dale Jr. fan," also attended a NASCAR race in Richmond and sat ringside at WWE SmackDown!
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FORMER NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR
JIM McGREEVEY, WHO RESIGNED
AFTER ADMITTING HE HAD AN
AFFAIR WITH A MALE AIDE, ENTERS
AN EPISCOPAL SEMINARY.
Because if there's one profession that's untarnished by sex scandals, it's the priesthood.
A WASHINGTON, D.C. JUDGE SUES A DRY CLEANER FOR $65 MILLION FOR BRIEFLY MISPLACING A PAIR OF PANTS.
Although this amount seems obscene, it should be noted that when the pants were lost, there was $65 million in the pocket.
GEORGE BUSH'S APPROVAL RATING SINKS TO 28 PERCENT IN A NEW NEWSWEEK POLL, THE LOWEST PRESIDENTIAL APPROVAL RATING SINCE JIMMY CARTER WAS IN OFFICE.
President Bush's response when told of the desperately low approval numbers: "Who's Jimmy Carter?"
SPIDERMAN 3 LOGS THE BIGGEST OPENING WEEKEND FOR A MOVIE EVER, MAKING MORE THAN $148 MILLION IN THE UNITED STATES.
More surprisingly, another Tobey McGuire vehicle, Cider House Rules 3: Cider Man!, raked in over $30 million in its debut.
PARIS HILTON IS SENTENCED TO 45 DAYS IN PRISON FOR VIOLATING HER PROBATION.
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Lawyers for the current inmates at Hilton's prison are already readying a flurry of appeals, alleging that sharing a cell with Hilton constitutes "cruel and unusual punishment."
THINK YOU HAVE A BETTER JOKE? E-MAIL ME AT HAWKTOPICS@KANSAN.COM.
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Chris Raine