CONTACT
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION/ SARAH LEONARD
ACTIVITIES FOR LONG-DISTANCE COUPLES
Buy a box of chocolates and place a short note under each one.
Have phone sex.
Have a calendar made with your pictures on it.
Make a jar of M&M's with the same number of candies as days you will be gone and instruct your significant other to eat one a day.
Source:
longdistancecouples.
com
GOING THE DISTANCE
Do you have what it takes to maintain a long-distance relationship?
by Nicole Korman
When a coupon comes in the mail — free chips and a drink, buy one get one free anything — what's the catch? To get a little you have to give a lot. You get ready to leave for college and you meet the man of your dreams. The catch? He goes to school 221 miles away.
Kim Calabrese, Tula, Okla, senior, has been in a long-distance relationship with Grant Parker, a senior at Oklahoma State University in Stillwater, Okla., for the past four years. The two began dating the summer before their freshman year of college, but didn't believe it would become a long-term relationship. Calabrese wasn't sure whether the relationship would work out because she hadn't built up enough trust in Parker and was only going to see him once every two months, she says. But a month into school, the two decided to give it a try.
Being "geographically challenged" is not exactly ideal
for a relationship, but millions of people live through it every day. The Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships estimates that 7 million couples in the United States are in a long-distance relationship and about 78 percent of college students have been in one at some point during their time at school.
Not all students are capable of handling a long-distance relationship. It helps if you're an independent person who would spend a lot of time away from your partner if you were in the same city, says Caroline Tiger, author of The Long-Distance Relationship Guide: Advice for the Geographically Challenged.Long-distance relationships are more manageable in college because there is an end point — you will be together in the summer or after graduation, she says.
Being in college can also make long-distance relationships more difficult, "It's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do," Calabrese says. "It takes a
bigger chunk of your life than you think."
Communication, trust and being able to handle the distance are essential in making a long-distance relationship last.
Can you talk the talk?
Calabrese says that she and Parker talk at least two to three times a day depending on their schedules. Long-distance relationships often force couples to talk about feelings they might
Expressing your feelings is key in sustaining the relationship, but you have to learn how to talk to your partner. Because long-distance relationships lack face-to-face communication, many people search for interaction elsewhere. Some people may find a "stand in" boyfriend or girlfriend, often a close friend with whom they develop a relationship stronger than the one they have with their partner, Tiger says. To avoid this conflict, make sure you talk to your partner daily.
UNLESS YOU WEAR A SIGN AROUND YOUR NECK THAT SAYS "TAKEN," YOU'RE FAIR GAME TO ALL THE OTHER FISH IN SEA, AND IF YOU TEST THE WATERS, NO ONE WILL KNOW ABOUT IT BUT YOU.
not discuss otherwise and may strengthen the relationship, says Jeff King, a marriage and family therapist in Lawrence.
Calabrese says Parker has a tough time expressing his emotions over the phone, which strains their relationship. She advises couples to learn how to talk on the phone and express emotion through words. If you can't do that, a long-distance relationship might not be a good idea.
The oath of secrecv
Unless you wear a sign around your neck that says "taken," you're fair game to all the other fish in sea, and if you test the waters, no one will know about
it but you.
Stephanie Ferguson, Wichita junior, has been dating her boyfriend, Phil Witkek, a junior at Wichita State University, for two years. She says you really have to trust the other person, especially in college. Ferguson doesn't care if Witkek calls her from parties because she expects him to go out, but when she calls him, the tables turn. People are more likely to become jealous while in a long-distance relationship because of the lack of face-to-face contact, Tiger says. Jealousy can be avoided if you set the boundaries early on and make a pact to tell each other where you're going, she says.
Sometimes love just isn't enough to overcome the miles of highway that stand between you and your partner. When Parker told Calabrese he was going to stay at school for the summer, she told him it wouldn't work. "I didn't want to be pushy, but summer was our only time together, so I told him he had to
make a choice." she says.
Parker ultimately decided to spend the summer at home with Calabrese and they have been dating ever since.
Though her long-distance relationship has lasted, Calabrese says if she could do it all over again she would've gone through college without it. She says she feels lucky to have found someone she genuinely cares about, but wishes she would have met Parker after college, rather than before.
"Keep in mind that college is a playground and might not be the best time for a serious long-distance relationship."Tiger says. Going the distance is not for everyone — it takes a certain type of person to handle the tribulations of a long-distance relationship.
"The key for keeping them going," King says, "is learning and growing as a person independent of the relationship while exploring your lives together."
04. 26.2007 JAYPLAY <15