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THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
OPINION
1. 5
HAT
D
AN
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 28, 2005
PAGE 7A
WWW.KANSAN.COM
How to lose a guy in 10 seconds
HUMP DAY
Women of KU: I feel for you. I've watched as you sit uncomfortably at a bar while that guy hits on you. Your fingers anxiously strum your bottle or glass as you listen to him pitch his best game to you.
Matt Sevcik/KANSAN
Hump Day Get-Rid-of-a-Jerk Tactic #42
As he tells you about how he was "piss-pants drunk last night," you can't help but wonder why he smells like a petting zoo. And was that his car outside with the "2HOT4U" license plate?
Wait, did he just say his name is Cigarette Jack?
You put on a fake smile for about a minute. Then all you really want to do is reach for your mace and put this guy on the floor.
Earlier, when you were putting your makeup on, you were hoping tonight would be the night you found your knight in shining armor riding upon his noble steed.
You weren't expecting to meet a monkey wearing a "The Man ... The Legend" shirt.
And guess what? He wants to take you home on his bicycle equipped with early 1990s spoke-beads. Don't worry, they glow in the dark.
Girls, I know you feel frustrated when that guy won't leave you alone.
ERIC JORGENSEN
opinion@kansan.com
There are ways to get rid of him before he ruins any chances you had of getting with a guy who doesn't smell like nee.
You may think you know how to free yourself from his awkward, stalker-ish vibe. But then why is he everywhere you go that night?
Try these foolproof routines the next time you find yourself wanting to break a bottle over some creepy guy's dome.
Here's the scene; You see a guy who's been staring at you for a few minutes. Then, he makes his move toward you.
---
He tries to walk smooth and suave, but he spills beer every step of the way. He must have just received hand transplants.
You look at him and think,
"Oh. My. God. What a tool.
Pssh, more like a power
tool."
His hair looks like it's been dipped in Crisco, he's wearing an entire bottle of cologne, and his collar is
The only purpose of a popped collar is to act as a satellite to catch insults from everyone else around him.
dodded.
And this guy? He's wearing two polos. One of them is pink, of course.
Both of his collars are raised toward his hair, which looks more like a squirrel that's been hit by a car than it does "in style."
Before this over-zealous S.O.B. gets to you, turn to him and say, "I can't believe you got my friend pregnant." He'll be too busy reminiscing about the past two months to bother asking you what your sign is.
The second method is a lot more fun.
The guy has already made his way to you and asks,
"How do you like it?"
"I like it on the rocks, and make it a double baby!"
From here on out, only speak in Dick Vitalt's voice.
By the time you start reciting the "Gettysburg Address" to him.
A third, more subtle way to get rid of the guy who is trying way too hard is to stare straight ahead.
He'll be well on his way to the next unfortunate girl. And hey, free drink!
As he talks to you, don't take your eyes off the wall in front of you.
After you don't respond to his "Are you from Tennessee, because you're the only 10 I see," and, "I may not be a Flintstone, but I'll make your bed rock," he'll be sure to utter a few choice words and leave.
Don't even think about blinking. Just stare in utter silence.
What happens if he doesn't leave?
There is no reason you should not enjoy a bar or party because some jackass can't take a hint.
You have only four years of college, a victory lap, three years at the pizza place, two more years of graduate school, and three more years of unemployment before it's time to get serious. Utilize the time while you have it.
The next time you go to the bar expecting Brad Pitt and you get Tony Danza instead, fight back.
I hope these tactics work for you.
Start rubbing your chin a little and say, "Hmm, missed a spot."
Free All for
The sheer possibility that you grow facial hair better than he does will have him leaving with his masculinity in question.
Let's say he still hasn't bolted, and he starts asking louder and louder if he can buy you a drink. A kind, "You wanna go the f*** away?" is sure to do the trick.
Call 864-0500
He'll end up buying tampon on an "I may be a woman" possibility.
Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. Kansan editors reserve the right to emit comments. Standerous and obscene statements will not be printed. Phone numbers of all incomim calls are recorded.
We found Adrian's wallet. It's at American Bank.
To whoever meared cookie dough on the front of my car, you're dying!
- Jorgensen is a Baldwin City junior in journalism.
You don't become snakes on a plane.
My dad doesn't pay child support, so why should I have to? It's ridiculous.
Bill Braskey showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
If you see a kid with a shaved head who drives a red Tahoe with black stripes, yeah the chances are he's not cool.
God loves everyone. Even Creed.
My roommate is going on a date with Frankie from the Real World on Thursday.
Josi Lima is buh-dunk-a-dunk.
Bill Braskey, Eric Jorgensen, Rhombus House, fraternity, liberal, Republican, Free for All. There, that should make it in.
Where did the cactus go?
or line then
Sorry about your bunny, Betsy, but it's ridiculous that you want to put someone in jail for a year or fine them $500.
If you're not going to teach evolution, which has a ton of scientific backing, then that's just wrong.
I just want to say that the Safe Ride driver with the Hurley hat is really hot.
R. I.P. Coco.
My friend's Abercrombie polo is popping its own collar.
There's just something about seeing old people jog that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Whoever left the vending machine unlocked in the Lewis residence hall made one person very happy.
Today's newspaper gave us an interesting weather report the other day. The high was 75 and the low was 81.
I fell asleep for the 28th time in math class.
Just in case anyone is interested, I've had 28 math classes this year.
If you're going to print all the frat articles, you have to print them in the way they were meant to be printed. On the back of an empty case of beer in crayon.
Free for All, Phi Slamma Jamma challenges Kappa
Tampa Kega to a friendly drinking game.
To other person that's mad that there is a fraternity guy on the opinion page, use a little common sense. They have opinions and they can express them, they don't have to be journalists, that's what the opinion page is for. You're stupid. There's another opinion.
★
Just as Nero strummed his lyre while Rome burned, President Bush strummed his guitar while New Orleans flooded.
+
Jayhawk Bookstore has Big League Chewing Gum
Can someone please leak the bunny killer's name so I can drop him off a 10-story building?
I really want to be the giant blood drop on Wesco Beach! Where do I apply for that job?
To the girl who sits in the library with the black rimmed glasses, you're beautiful and I love you. Every Monday. From Joe.
To the idiot that said creationism holds some scientific merit, I'm curious to know what it is.
Dear Miss Molly, please stop child-proofing your food. No one wants to spend 10 minutes opening up a muffin and ruining it in the process.
Did anyone else drink out of the toilet when they were little? Or was it just me?
Safe Ride took us to another party. We beat the system!
▼ LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Relief? or Godless communism?
Following the destruction caused by Hurricane Katrina, many Americans have raised concerns that the federal government has not done enough to help those affected. On the contrary, though, the federal government overstepped its bounds in this area and has done too much to help.
President Franklin Pierce said it best: "I cannot find any authority in the Constitution for public charity.
[To approve such spending] would be contrary to the letter and the spirit of the Constitution and subversive to the whole theory
upon which the union of these states is founded."
many do not take advantage of these safety nets, even though they are still there. It has been said that communism is the abolition of God in favor of man.
I'm not against helping people. It is true that societies are judged by how they treat the least among them. That, however, should apply to societies, not governments.
There is a fine line between charity and communism, and it all has to do with who carries it out. They used to be a time when people who were down on their luck looked to their churches and families for support.
In the end, taxing people to pay for charity does not make them more charitable; it only makes them more taxed.
If relying on the government for help instead of on love and faith bears any semblance to that sentiment, then America has become the new Soviet Bloc.
But, because religious and family values are virtually non-existent in today's mainstream culture,
Andrew W. Soukup Linguistics junior
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GUEST COMMENTARY
Oborny article born of prejudice
Racism is the assumption that people are different based on the color of their skin.
Isn't assuming that people are different based on their innate traits wrong?
In a Sept. 21 guest column, Julie Oborny argued that the latest edition of Sex on the Hill lacked diversity.
Because Oborny and I share at least one view - that discussing one's beliefs helps make the world a better place - I would like to comment on the content of her letter.
Although Obnyr failed to concretely define diversity, it appears that she felt the Sex on the Hill articles were lacking because they were racist, misogynistic, patriarchal and overrepresentative of heterosexuals.
TIM ROBBINS opinion@kansan.com
Obronny's argument is flawed, because it implies that all white, heterosexual males are the same, and that there are inherent differences between people of different sexes, races and sexual preferences.
Belonging to a particular sex, race or sexual preference does
The belief that these innate traits define and separate us is a form of prejudice that is every bit as harmful to society as the stereotypes Oborny was protesting.
not make you similar to everybody else who fits that same demographic mold.
Two people with the same combination of these traits can have vastly different worldviews and experiences.
Belonging to a particular sex, race or sexual preference does not make you similar to everybody else who fits that same demographic mold.
Believing that a person's views are defined by the traits they are born with is prejudice and will
only perpetuate inequality.
Furthermore, people of different sexes, races or sexual preferences don't necessarily have different worldviews or stances on various issues.
Because of these differences, they will have diverse beliefs on many issues, such as the sexuality presented in Sex on the Hill.
The belief that belonging to a particular demographic allows a person to see a sector of life that other demographics are blind to implies that sex, race and sexual preference are what make us different.
If you believe that there are differences stemming from our demographic data that cannot be escaped,you are an advocate of prejudice.
Prejudice, as defined by Dictionary.com, is "to cause to judge prematurely and irrationally." Judging people based on their sex, race or sexual preference is a premature and irrational judgment.
As a society, we ought to learn that culture and individual backgrounds account for the type of people we become - it isn't sex, race or sexual preference.
If we want true equality,we need to stop seeing others as the sums of their demographic data and start seeing them as individuals.
Robbins is a Lenexa senior in psychology
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