05
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14,2005
SEX on the HILL
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN 9C
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With Brian Bratichak and Jessica Crowder
Please send your questions to bitch@kansan.com
Q. My girlfriend is gaining weight rapidly. She's not depressed, she's just getting fat. How can I help her out? All she wants to do is go out to eat or go out for ice cream.
- Cooper, junior
Jessica: How kind of you to notice her slowing metabolism. Perhaps you should use that observant nature of yours to focus on what she does have going for her: For one thing, she's not depriving herself of food like so many other college girls. If you genuinely want to help her out, mention you think your beer belly's growing at a rate you're not proud of and that you'd like to have a workout buddy — namely her — to help you along. To deter her from wanting to eat out so much, you can always earn boyfriend points by packing picnics with healthy food to bypass the caloric overload of eating out.
Brian: While Jessica's gym buddy suggestion is a great idea,
it might cause you more harm than good if she realizes your intentions. You need to take a step back and decide something: Are you noticing her weight gain because you like her skinny or because you are worried for her health? If it's the first, then you should probably not be in the relationship at all. But if you are really worried about her then you should realize that maybe this is just a stage because she is feeling a lot of stress in school or some problems at home. Don't just trivialize the matter. There might be something more than just a recent craving for all foods fatty. Another idea: She might have a bun cooking in her oven. You might consider buying a kit to see if she's actually eating for two.
Q. I had a one-night stand with this out-of-town guy 3 years ago and I recently reunited with him. How do I tell him I'd like to try it again sometime?
- Monica, senior
Jessica: I think you should write him an email. Say, "Dear Blah, Remember how easy I was three years ago? Well, I'm still that easy... and lonely too now. If you haven't moved on and matured past our one-night of kinky bliss, wanna try for round 2? 6X0, The Forgotten One-Nighter."
As harsh as it sounds, let sleeping dogs lie and find someone in your own town to boink. They call them ONE-night stands for good reason. Anything more would constitute a buddy-ship, which isn't best-suited for long distance unless it's a summer fling you go back to each year.
Brian: It's simple. Don't tell him you want to try it again. Just hang out with him, hit on him big time, invite him back to your place, and voila, your one-night stand becomes a two-night stand. Either that, or go get a real boyfriend. They are much more fun. They actually care about you and they can service your needs at any and all times
Q. Lately, my girlfriend and I have been having a way above average amount of sex and I don't see an end in sight. Have I become addicted to sex, or am I just experiencing a really high sex drive? Is there a difference?
- Steven, sophomore
Brian: Yes Steven, there is a difference. When you're addicted to sex, you'll do anything to get off whether you are actually horny or not. When you have a really high sex drive, you just want to have sex all the time. Everyone's sex drive increases and decreases, you two have been blessed that you happen to be on the same schedule. Don't
ask questions; just find some way to get up to Sam's Club in Lenexa. They have 40 packs of condoms there for dirt cheap. You might consider buying two boxes, just so you know you have a few spares laying around in every room of both of your houses.
Jessica: You're both nymphomaniacs. You better check both of yourselves in before it's too late and your naughty parts fall off. Really, I think it's perfectly fine that you've experienced a fluctuation in both of your sex appetites. That's pretty lucky, but if your over sexing prevents you from getting to work or class on time, or you've lost sight of the relationship and the feelings behind your lovemaking, then you should probably take a step back and limit yourselves to maybe once or twice...an hour.
SAFE SEX: Where to go
Condoms available in the pharmacy, 3/50c
Contraception available as pills, contraceptive patch,the Nuvaring and the medroxyprogesterone injection
Emergency contraception available with a doctor's visit Tests for gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis,B, hepatitis C
(785) 843-0040
Free condoms available in the SUA and Oueers & Allies offices in the Kansas Union Offers free confidential HIV testing. Appointments recommended
Insurance Douglas County Health Department
(785) 843-0721
- Contraception available as condoms, pills, Depo-Provera (shot), contraceptive gel, diaphragm
- Emergency contraception available from a nurse practitioner
- Tests for gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, herpes
Name: Parenthood
7251892 0281
Contraception available as condoms, pills, Depo-Provera (shot), diaphragm, cervical cap, IUD, spermicides, female condoms, Ortho Evra $ ^{\textcircled{2}} $ patch, Nuvaring $ ^{\textcircled{3}} $
Emergency contraception available with an office visit Tests for trichomoniasis, HPV.
gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis B
Catherine Odson, Kansan Correspondent
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