WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14,2005
SEXon the HILL
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN 5C
OPINION
One-night stands can lead to guilt,regret
Morality leads to hookup despair
We all have our own name for it.
Most of you know what I'm talking about, given that nearly 80
Hooking up, casual sex,
one-night stand. The idea
is no-strings-attached sex
with a stranger or acquaintance.
percent of you have done it. And not just once either, but an average of 10 different times, according to an article published in the Journal of Sex Research in 2000. Research for the article was conducted at a state university with similar demographics to the University of Kansas.
I, too, am no stranger to hooking up. I am, of course, a gay man. Sometimes, however, these anonymous sexual encounters can leave us with more than we bargained for, and, no, I'm not referring to STDs (though these must be a concern), but rather a negative potpourri of emotions).
Hookups are most commonly found in one of three places. The first two are the two most likely venues: Bars or parties.
While some consciously go to bars and parties looking for sex, more people fall victim to their
intoxication through an increased libido and reduced inhibition, and end up going home with a virtual stranger.
RYAN KUSMIN
EDITOR@KANSAN.COM
The bar/party hookup has two disadvantages. The first is that the hookup becomes common knowledge. The second is that there is an increased likelihood of unsafe sex.
I prefer the third hookup option, a relatively new phenomenon, hooking up via the Internet.
Whether it's through a site designed for anonymous encounters, a personals Web site or the ever-popular facebook.com, the Internet allows people looking for sex to hook up whenever and wherever they want. They can do it in the privacy of their own homes, without the glares of disapproving — or congratulatory — friends.
The Internet also has its disadvantages. There is always the risk that the person could be posing as something they're not, or, worse than that, the person could be a murderer or rapist. That danger is, however, a factor in any random hookup.
After the initial meeting, the deed is done, which can fall under a number of categories.
amazing, awkward or mundane. But I hope the goal of the hookup is achieved,and both people get off.
The problem for me, and I imagine many of you, is the thoughts that follow climax and continue for months and even years. They can include, but are not limited to: "I feel really dirty," "He's not nearly as cute as I remember him being," "I need to get the morning after pill," "What was I thinking?," "Why did I stoop to this?"
These thoughts can amount to remorse, regret and guilt. But why? Wasn't hooking up the goal all along?
I've got a hypothesis on why I, and probably many of you, feel this way.
I am not a Christian. I'm not even sure I believe in God, but the truth is I was raised in a society that instills Christian morals.
Those "moral" demonize sex out of wedlock (i.e. all sex for me), or even, a modern interpretation, sex out of a relationship.
So perhaps all my feelings of regret are a function of social conditioning even though I don't subscribe to the value system that condemns my actions. Pretty deep, huh?
There are some variations, but they all amount to the same thing: a regular hookup buddy, either
The good news is I think I have found a decent alternative to the completely random hookup.
a friend with benefits, an open relationship or a pure sex buddy.
I've personally found that the post-hookup feelings aren't as guilt-ridden when you know the person and spend a little time with them outside of the bedroom.
So next time you really enjoy the sex with a random hookup, ask that person if they want to do it again, leaving all that messy relationship stuff aside. And remember, always practice safe sex. That means more than just the pill, ladies.
I am not a Christian. I'm not even sure I believe in God, but the truth is I was raised in a society that instills Christian morals.Those "morals" demonize sex out of wedlock (i.e. all sex for me), or even, a modern interpretation, sex out of a relationship.
Kusmin is a Leawood junior in political science
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