2005
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 14,2005
SEX on the HILL
**Kelsey Hayes**
editor@kansan.com
KANSAN CORRESPONDENT
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN 3C
mis- ceep- mong that owners should gasm Even wish most that is not get off v time it the sack.
Sex in a bunk bed
Residence hall romps prove tricky
A resident hall occupant's worst nightmare: Waking up to the sound of your roommate in the act. With hormones raging and newfound freedom, sex, among other things is a common occurrence in residence halls
Because there aren't any actual rules against sex in the residence halls, what happens behind closed doors is ultimately a discussion between roommates. Resident halls require their occupants to compile roommate agreements, which are signed pieces of paper saying that both roommates will abide by the rules—including those on visitors—they each set for the duration of the school
Excluding Gertrude Sellards Pearson, which doesn't allow male visitors past 11 p.m. during the school week, there aren't any rules against having opposite sex visitors in residence hall rooms.
the duration of the school year.
Residence halls require you to check in a guest who is spending the night, regardless of intents or purposes.
So, whether it be a visit from an out-of-state significant other, or just a fling, sex is inevitable.
Leslee Ransom,
Olathe sophmore, and resident assistant at Oliver
Hall said that there was no policy against having sex in the
residence halls and that it's just an agreement that one has with a roommate.
"It's disrespectful to your roommate," Ransom said. "But some people just can't help it."
Mindi Nichols, Ottawa graduate student, said she never had a problem with her roommates having sex.
"My roommates were good. But I'd probably be annoyed, especially if I was on the bottom bunk," she said.
Because there aren't any actual rules against sex in the residence halls, what happens behind closed doors is ultimately a discussion between roommates.
Residence halls require their occupants to compile roommate agreements, which are signed contracts saying that both roommates will abide by the rules — including those on visitors — they each set for the duration of the school year.
If the rules are breached it's up to the involved parties to decide how it should be dealt with.
If problems persist, the RA or housing staff can get involved, and in a worst-case scenario, the annoyed roommate can request a roommate change.
It would seem that not having sex in a residence hall while a roommate was there would be an unspoken agreement, but social courtesies aren't on everyone's minds.
Having sex in the residence halls can be considered ill-mannered, but some residents, including Chris Zammit, Overland Park freshman, have higher standards.
"Assuming I was going to have sex, I would in my dorm under specific conditions," she said. "My roommate is gone for a while and it's in my bed. I would assume my roommate wouldn't be screwing on my bed."
Still, some suggest finding out that your roommate is in mid-copulation mere feet away from you should be taken with a grain of salt.
"Being annoyed, awkward moments, those are a part of the dorm experience. It's what creates memories!" Nichols said.
Edited by Kellis Robinett
OPINION
there? I've seen some atrocities during these opening weekends of school. I've witnessed guys left for the lions while their buddy sits on the sidelines nursing a beer like
WHERE HAVE ALL THE WING MEN GONE?
I saw a guy talking to a girl with his buddy near by. When the girl's friend
came to impose on the conversation, the wing man buckled. His reaction was like Sasquatch came into the bar carrying a samurai sword. Scared
We need to talk. Where are the wing men out
ERIC JORGENSEN AND MATT SEVICK editor@kansan.com Sex on the Hill Columnists
First though, we need to learn some vocabulary. We all know the wing man, but there are three other players in this game.
his life will end if
Three ways to back up your buddy on the fly
I am going to try to help you conquer these obstacles. Here are step-by-step directions for three simple wing man maneuvers. These are designed to help your buddy seal the deal.
The wing man's friend has many titles. You can call
The wing man is the last line of defense against the posse of drunken, rambling women. It is the bottom of the ninth, and coach is calling in the closer.
and selfish, he bolted,
yelling, "Every man for
himself."
hurtly. You can him "The Go-To-Guy," or even "The Tank" if it tickles your fancy. With a name like "The Tank," though, he's probably better off sticking to the wing man role.
To avoid confu-
sion we will stick with a
simple title for the wing man's friend. He will be known as "Ucule Jesse."
The women have many names also, some of them offensive and unnecessary. This is no place for crude names, so we will call the target girl "D.J. Tanner."
As for the girlfriend who tries to break up the conversation and pull her girl away, we will refer to her as "Bob Saget." Now, let's enter the wing man playbook.
"The Intercept"
Uncle Jesse and his feathered mullet are lay-
D. J. and her acid-washed jeans. It may seem a little like incest, but whatever,DJ.'s hot. As Uncle Jesse and D.J.
nothings into each other's ears, the wing man spots Bob Saget on the prowl. Bob Saget is pacing around the bar, eyeing her friend. Like 1995, Bob Saget is everywhere.
As Bob Saget makes the move to her friend, the wing man intercepts
her and stops her
from reaching Uncle Jesse and D.J. At the point of interception, spark up conversation to keep the shifty Bob Saget at bay. Say something like.
"Do you think Mark Mangino will ever be on Celebrity Fit-Club?"
"Jumping on the Grenade."
Uncle Jesse and D.J. are trying to enjoy each other's company, but that damned Bob Saget is right in there with them, dominating the conversation with lame jokes and terrible voice-overs of home-videos, ruining the chances the two lovebirds will ever unite.
The wing man sees the disappointed and horny look on Uncle Jessie's face, and knows it's time to act. Like a soldier saving his platoon, he dives in headfirst to cover Bob Saget from exploding and ruining the potential hook-up. Now the wing man is face-to-face with the beast. He has to get rid of Bob Saget before she goes into a sentimental speech about the importance of family.
The best way to get rid of
a girl no one wants a r o u n d is to use as many bad pick-up lines a
sible, until she cannot stand to be around the "creep who won't leave her alone."
These lines are golden for Bob Saget removal: "You know, the purple Teletubby was based on my life," or "I'm the skinny
white guy from Color Me
a guy talking to a girl with his buddy nearby. When the girl's friend came to impose on the conversation, the wing man buckled. His reaction was like Sasquatch came into the bar carrying a samurai sword. Scared and selfish, he bolted, yelling, "Every man for himself. The wingman is the last line of defense against the posse of drunken, rambling women. It is the bottom of the ninth, and coach is calling in the closer
closer.
A n
optional
"Wanna sex me
up?" can be used to
follow up the latter line.
Now Uncle Jesse and D.J. can finally get to the point, and head back to the unFull House after hours.
"The Resume Builder"
The ol' resume builder is a time-tested e t c ha time-tu-
nique that
can move
you r
buddy
from
t he
"least
likely
SEE WING MEN ON PAGE 10C