bite
Illustration by Benjamin Smith
By Natalie Johnson, Jayplay writer
My high school friend Chad holds the title for the greatest food-in-class scam ever. He sat beside me in sophomore biology in the front row and, before class, he would stick a pudding cup in the front left pocket of his shirt. Throughout class, Chad would nonchalantly stick his pen into his pocket — as though he had a slight nipple itch — and casually bring it to his intensely-focused face as if amino acids were just too complex to ponder without some good pen-chewing. His eyes never left the teacher, and neither did ours, as we passed our own pens down to him.
To be sure, most professors aren't as strict about the food-and-drink-prohibited laws as Catholic school biology teachers. But eating in class can still be an irritation to both professors and students. David Holmes, professor of psychology, says he doesn't have much of a problem with students eating in class. However, he does mention in his syllabus each semester that food and drink are prohibited. Jamie Grinsell, Long Beach, Calif., senior, says she hates hearing students "chewing and chomping" during class.
But that doesn't mean the hungry
can't snack. Pack the right food the right way, eat it with the right moves and you'll be on your way to snacking AND learning at the same time.
The right stuff
Just because a food has crunchy qualities doesn't mean it has to be any louder than fruit snacks. Think of the food that moms put in baggies for their kids before hauling the family to a quiet event: raisins, Cheerios, Goldfish or maybe even candy if you have a cool mom.
The foolproof foods are chewy: raisins, fruit snacks, bite-sized licorice pieces or any non-melting soft candy. Chocolate, while quiet, also has a pocket life of just a few minutes before your body heat melts it, so avoid it unless it's for immediate consumption. Or if you're an amphibian.
Doyle Hart, Grinnell junior, points out that Gummi bears have a dual function.
"If you get bored in class, you can make your own little love scene with them," says the film student.
But even "loud" foods, like Cheerios Goldfish and other crackers are possi-
biliities. Go back to the baggies of food that moms pack. Now think of how the infants eat them: slowly, methodically toothlessly. Repeat.
Hard candy is another great option that doesn't require much stealth. The crackling of wrappers can be irritating, so hard-candy eaters shouldn't overdo it. If you must eat Jolly Ranchers in class, unwrap them beforehand and load up. A dedicated snacker won't be embarrassed to suck an Oreo into oblivion or spend 50 minutes eating a handful of Cheez-its.
Hey, give me some of your tots
For the most efficient storage of contraband foodstuffs, look no further than Napoleon Dynamite's tot headquarters: his Zubaz cargo pocket. The cargo pocket is the Ark. It's big and it's subtle. All the way down there, near your thigh. Zubaz is optional. Pockets are the most valuable weapons in the food-sneaking arsenal. If you're wearing expensive pants (again, Zubaz is optional), you may want to line your pockets with a baggie first.
Front pockets are required for the pudding trick, but any hoodie or jacket
pocket will suffice for non-gelatinous snacks. The smaller pockets on book bags work well, too, if it doesn't require much reach to get at them. You have to take into account the way you'll get the food to your mouth.
Nice moves
So now you've got a pocketful of Starbursts. How to get them consumed?
The key is patience and subtlety. Above all, keep your eyes off of what you're doing. Move your hand casually. Don't fumble. Bring the food to your mouth. Scratch your chin, cheek or nose after the drop-off. Chew slowly. Don't open your mouth. Appear to be intensely fascinated with whatever the professor is saying. Take notes with the innocent hand.
Follow these simple guidelines, and before you know it, you won't be rushing toward The Underground or the Union in a hysterical burst of hunger after that 11:30 lecture. If you're not a shady person, you may want to start with raisins or Skittles and work your way up.
Don't rush it. Before you know it, you'll be eating Jell-O in the front row.
Recipe corner
Rava Kesari Indian dessert
Recipe from Vandama Samala,
KU student
Ingredients:
1/2 cup milk
1 cup farina/ Cream of Wheat
2 tbsp butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 cup grated coconut
Cashews for garnishing
1) Fry the farina using butter for 2-3 minutes.
2) Add the grated coconut to the farina and continue frying for 2 minutes.
3) Add milk and sugar to the above mixture and stir continuously avoiding lumps.
10
4) Add cashew nuts for garnishing.
Jayplay 09.01.05
Serve hot.
- Laura Snyder
erver of the week
Favorite menu item: Spinach and artichoke dip.
Pet Peeve: Co-workers who don't pre-bus their tables. (This is server speak for clearing the table throughout the meal, rather than waiting until the customers leave.
Future Plans: Pfeiffer is majoring in broadcast journalism at KU and hopes to someday see herself on television - as a news or entertainment reporter.
Hillary Pfeiffer 75th Street Brewery
- Kelsie Smith