THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN OPINION FRIDAY, AUGUST 19, 2005 WWW.KANSAN.COM KILLS VAMPIRES DEAD PAGE 5A Ban criteria largely flawed For my first topic, I've decided to address the NCAA's ban on schools whose mascots are considered "hostile" or "abusive," I find that the ban is not well constructed. It is a waste of time for pretty much everyone involved. I know for a fact that the press has squandered a great deal of time on this subject when more important stories are out there. This ruling's vague labeling, "hostile" or "abusive," can cover any collegiate mascot if someone pressed the issue. The controversy lies with what actually stipulates "hostile" or "abusive" and whether this ban will spin out of control and affect other schools who have non-Indian mascots but whose mascots still represent explorers, settlers, conquerors, cowboys, etc. If the courts do not overrule the ban, then other schools will be in jeopardy of losing their mascots and traditions. The Jayhawk, would be deemed as "hostile or abusive" because as even the historical fact page on The University's Web site states "The factions looted, sacked, rustled cattle, stole horses and otherwise attacked each other's settlements. For a time, ruffians on both sides SARA GARLICK sgarlick@kansan.com were called Jayhawkers..." Even our songs could become affected by this ban. The part in the 1912 piece by George "Dumpy" Bowles, "I'm a Jayhawk" would have to change its lines because it promotes in the verse that the Jayhawk will abuse the other mascots by using bodily harm to their tails or causing extreme pain toward them: "But I'm the bird to make 'em weep and wall." The ban, if allowed to survive and continue would not take in to consideration the positive history these mascots represent. It would not matter that "...During the Civil War, the Jayhawk's ruffian image gave way to patriotic symbol." It is this fact that the Jayhawk has become a patriotic symbol that we have come to preserve and appreciate the past with the use of our logo. This is what schools such as Florida State University and the University of Illinois have done as well. The issue of Political Correctness in regards to the NCAA should not have the power to usurp decades of tradition. And as for Florida State University, the Seminole tribe of Florida has a great respect and understanding with the school and its administration. If schools cannot have Native American mascots, then what is next? Will the NCAA lead the riot and ban all the American Western films, the sales of Disney's Pocahontas, little kids playing the game "Indians and Cow- MASCOTS IN THE HOT SEA The NCAA could deem Quin Snyder's hair "hostile" and "offensive." The 18 schools affected by this ban include: Alcorn State University (Braves) Central Michigan University (Chippewas) Catawba College (Indians) Florida State University (Seminoles) Midwestern State University (Indians) University of Utah (Utes) Indiana University-Pennsylvania (Indians) Carthage College (Redmen) Bradley University (Braves) Arkansas State University (Indians) Chowan College (Braves) University of Illinois-Champaign (Illini) University of Louisiana-Monroe (Indians) McMurry University (Indians) Mississippi College (Choctaws) Newberry College (Indians) University of North Dakota (Fighting Sioux) outheastern Oklahoma State University (Savac) joys," enacting a bill that would change all states names after Indian tribes such as Illinois and Kansas to change their names, or get rid of the image of the cowboy all together, destroying the history of the American West and the founding of this great nation? If it was not for schools like Florida State University and the University of Illinois, many people in the United States, including some students here at the University of Kansas would not even know that tribes such as the Seminoles and the Illini existed. These schools are not exploiting these tribes past. Instead these schools serve as a liaison between the tribes and the population so that these tribes can remain an important part of the everyday presence in order for all of America not to become the land that has forgotten its past, but a land that celebrates it. University of North Dakota (Fighting Sioux) Southeastern Oklahoma State University (Savages) Sara Garlick is a Sanford, Maine. senior in International Relations. Free for All Call 864-0500 Free for All callers have 20 seconds to speak about any topic they wish. Kansan editors reserve the right to omit comments. Slanderous and obscene statements will not be printed. Phone numbers of all incoming calls are recorded. I just went to alternative lifestyles night at Liquid, but I'm not gay. + Does the club for an egalitarian society have a president? Because then doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose? My friend just tried to make a paper snowflake, and she messed up pretty badly. Now I'm taking her to the hospital. So yeah. I told you I'm not gay! Save KU Info! Free For All! Where have you been all my life? I just saw a white guy... with cornrows. It's hotter than two gerbils humping in a wool sock. Eat it. Seriously, who wants to go the first day of class? And who wants to go to the first day of class hungover? No one, Free-For-All, no one. ✨ Sarah Connelly, advertising director 864-4014 or adddirector@kansan.com TALK TO US Austin Caster, editor 864-4810 or acaster@kansan.com Matthew Sevclk, opinion editor 864-4810 or msevcki@kansan.com Jennifer Weaver, sales and marketing adviser 864-7866 or jweaver@kansan.com Jonathan Kealing, managing editor 864-4810 or jkealing@kansan.com ▶ SUBMISSIONS The Kansen letters come to the editors and guest columns submitted by students, faculty and alumni. The Kansan reserves the right to edit, cut to length, or reject all submissions. For any questions, call Austin Caster at 864-4810 or e-mail opinion@kansan. com. Mcolom Talogb, general manager, news advise 864-7667 or mgibon@kekan.com John Morgan, sales director 864-4462 or adddirector@kansan.com Maximum Length: 200 word limit Include: Author's name and telephone number; class, hometown (student); position (faculty member); phone number (will not be published) General questions should be directed to the editor at editor@kansan.com. LETTER GUIDELINES GUEST COLUMN GUIDELINES **Include:** Author's name; class, home- room (student); position (faculty member); phone number (will not be published) Also: The Kansan will not print guest column that attack another columnist. GUEST COLUMN GUIDELINE Maximum length: 650 word limit EDITORIAL BOARD Elia Ford, Yanting Wang, Julia Melim Coelho, Dan Hoyt, Anne Wettmer, Julie Parisl, Nathan McGinnis, Jo Goosting, Sara Garlick, Chase Edgerton, Ray Wittlinger, David Archer Kansen newroom 111 Stauffer-Flint Hall 1435 Jayhawk Blvd. Lawrence, KS 60045 (785) 864-4810 opinion@kansan.com SUBMIT TO —So MUCH FOR TODAY'S BIOLOGY LESSON on "iNTELLIGENT DESIGN." TURNING NOW TO THE SUBJECT OF "iNTELLIGENT GEOGRAPHY..." Steve Sack/STAR TRIBUNE Letter to the Editor After 28 years of cooperation with the University of Kansas, to acquire and resell course pack materials, things have changed. We have been advised by the Kansas Union Bookstore Director that those materials will now only be available to us through the Kansas Union Bookstore at their selling price. Thus they control the printing and eliminate profit margins to competition. The KUB's alternative decree to us was to request and pay hundreds of publisher permissions and royalties necessary to reprint these materials. We learned about this University policy "change" just days before classes were to begin. With the assistance of some concerned KU instructors, we have secured their non-copy-righted materials for this semester. We all ask affected students and faculty to bear with us. With student, faculty, and parent input we will continue to do what JBS does best: provide books and materials to KU students in a competitive, freedom-of-choice manner. Please feel free to e-mail me your thoughts. Bill Muaav Owner/manager of jayhawk Bookstore. bmuggy@jayhawkbookstore.com PILLOW TALK A point of contention: The long and short of it Editor's Note: Sex is an important part of many students' lives, and our new sex columnist, Jamie, will strive to explore this complex subject in a professional, mature and extensive manner. That being said, there are some students who may find Miss Epstein's columns offensive and, dare I say it, dirty. In order to help prepare our readers for the initial shock, I have created some guidelines for whether you should read this column: First of all, if you are Bob Dole, do not read this column. If you are a person who admires Bob Dole in any way, do not read this column. If you are ever flipping through the channels, and you see Bob Dole and you don't immediately continue changing the channel, do not read this column. I hope that this proves to be only the first of many rendezvous; for I hope all of you will eventually find this to be as stimulating to read as I do. I humbly provide my services, with a mix of both enjoyment and information. This is not intended to cause too hard of a problem for students during class, and hopefully not for any instructors. JAMIE EPSTEIN jepstein@kansan.com Now that we have taken care of the preliminaries, let us be off like a dress on prom night. A common concern, especially for men, is penis size. Assuming no one here is an inch or less, there is still plenty to work with. The media has warped our minds into stressing penis and breast size, when bigger isn't always better. The average length of the penis is about six inches, some will tell you five-something and others say it's more then six. To make it simple, just think about six inches, and that is sexually aroused. Flaccid equals much smaller, as I am sure the horny students at the University have figured out by now. As for girth, I am going to say it's between four and five inches. According to a study I saw at http://www.edu.uni-klu.ac.at/~amiklaut/ask.htm, the size is 4.84, but given my experience with statistics, that is only an approximate. Now, that being said, girth is much more important than length. Think of it like this, if she cannot feel the stimulation on the walls of her vagina, she won't enjoy the sex. Another down side is that if her walls don't respond, she can't clamp down onto you, preventing you from getting the stimulation you want. There are ways to defeat a short circumference though. Pleasure her first. If she orgasms, her muscles will have already clamped down. However, if she is unable to reach her peak (and making sure it is her decision to stop trying to force Length is less important than girth. While some of us might like to try a foot-long, chances are that pain will be the result. Instead we take pleasure in what we are given. If you fear being too short, again there is a trick. Roll her onto her shoulders, by placing her ankles on your shoulders. This allows for deeper penetration and even for those who do not lack in length, try it, you both might like it. Too big can also be a scary thing. Yes, a baby's head is supposed to be able to pass, but not all women are willing to risk a rip. In this case, again pleasuring her will help. Only this time, nothing should be penetrating her. Her juices will be flowing and she will relax to be able to take more. Anal sex can also be painful when involving too large of a phallus, but that is another column entirely. This information, while new to some, and yet a review to others will I hope provide hours of enjoyment to those who choose to use it. May all your sexual encounters be "safe, sane and consensual". Enjoy, and have fun. the reaction) she still will have created a tighter space after feeling your fingers inside her. It is easier to tickle her insides with fingers than a penis given the joints and bones involved. Jamie Epstein is a Lenexa sophomore in political science. ---