4C THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
KANSAS RELAYS
THURSDAY,APRIL 21.2005
Meet the parents
By Erin Shipps, Jayplaywriter
The do's and don'ts of meeting your loved one's loved ones
will never forget the first time I met the parents of a former boyfriend. It was our first date and I begged him to ask his parents if we could take their nearly new Mustang on the date. They agreed as long as we stayed on paved roads. We agreed. We ended up going to talk at a spot overlooking the river. Unfortunately, we had to take a gravel road to get there. I remember it so clearly. It was like a tunnel, flanked on either side with high, grassy mounds and
trees.
He drove so slowly, worried about any rock that might shoot up and hit the car. All of a sudden, a deer came bounding over the hill from the right and smashed right into the front of the car. In order to avoid trouble we invented a story about how the deer had actually ran out when we were on a normal road, not a gravel one. When we returned the car, we retold the fictitious story to his parents. I don't think I made a great impression on them. That night I learned that lying is never a good thing to do when you meet someone's parents. The lie was always looming over us and I never felt comfortable
around them.
It's a safe bet that if you haven't already, you will someday be invited to meet your significant others' parents. Whether the experience will be good or bad is mostly up to the personalities and expectations of the parents. But doing a few things to improve the situation can stifle a fear of rejection.
When preparing to meet parents, the first thing you and your boyfriend or girlfriend should do is to talk about them, says Karen Sexton, a clinical social worker in Topeka. Get background information on what kind of people they are. If there are potential problems, be prepared
for criticism of your beliefs.
Sexton says that to deal with criticism, you must first try to understand the parents' point of view. Then, acknowledge either to yourself or to the parent that you understand where the parent is coming from, even if you don't agree. Finally, you must try to find some common ground. "They will always have different viewpoints, but you don't always have to talk about them," Sexton says. "You have to remember you do have one thing in common and that's your love for their son or daughter."
Next, it can be a good idea to bring a gift. Even in the movie Meet the Parents,