Break ups are rarely easy. But there are ways to mend
Broken Hearts
Story by Elena Macaluso Photo Illustrations by Steve Puppe
reaking up is hard to do.
And not only in Paul Anka's golden oldie. It is, unfortunately, the truth for a lot of people
Barbara Goodman, a Lawrence counselor who works with people dealing with the emotions involved in a breakup, said it was important that people experiencing a breakup found someone they could confide in.
"The person needs to find a friend or a counselor who can support them and let them vent their
feelings." Goodman said.
Goodman and others allow people to express their feelings. The
courseurs also give validation, telling people it is acceptable to feel devastated.
A healthy self-esteem is important when a relationship ends. Goodman said she tried to build up a sense of "OK-ness" and make people realize that their self-esteem did not rest on what a former lover thought of them.
The company of friends,
Goodman said, also provides a good outlet for broken hearts.
Matt Glaser, Olivia Seabrook
Matt Skaggs, Olathe freshman,
said hanging out with friends was the way he got over a relationship
"I just stick with my friends a lot, do crazy things with the guys and stay away from women," Skaggs said.
Skaggs said that had gotten his mind off things so he could go out and have fun without any pressure.
Some people, such as Chris Jennings, Lenexa junior, submerge themselves in their schoolwork in an effort to take their minds off a broken heart.
Jennings said a former girlfriend had broken up with him just before finals and that he had ended up getting straight A's for the semester.
"At first I thought it was the worst thing she could do to me, but it turned out to be beneficial," he said.
However, Jennings said he realized that at some point he had to deal with his feelings and reflect on the errors he might have made. He also added that it was likely he would see his ex-girlfriend again, so it was important that he resolved his emotions.
Goodman said it was important that people dealt with their feelings. She said that people needed to work on understanding, on a deeper level, what was happening in the relationship.
"Even if this one (relationship) stops, those issues are going to go on with you to the next relationships." Goodman said.
After the initial breakup, however, Jennings said that he preferred not to have to face his feelings.
"It makes for great grades, but I'm sure a psychologist would have problems with it," Jennings said.
Linda Blackburn Grunz, a counselor who specializes in working with couples, said individuals who were involved in a breakup should take time to reexamine themselves and their choices of partners.
She said that people should allow themselves time to grieve, even if they were the ones who initiated the break-up. She said that break-up initiators would grieve for the hopes they had for the defunct relationship as well as the good moments from it.
"There is a subconscious element in whom we pick," she said. "When we're not conscious about it, we tend to repeat a similar choice."
Amanda Shaw, Ninnekah, Okla,
freshman, said volunteer work
was a good way to forget sorrows.
"Volunteer work is probably the most helpful because your problems never look quite as bad when compared with bigger ones," said Shaw.
She also said another benefit to volunteer work was that you have someone who needs your attention and care.
"When you're in a relationship, you tend to be taking care of somebody, so it helps to have somebody else that needs your help," she said.
When Penny Arington, Olathe senior, broke off her two-year relationship, she cut
her hair and pierced her tongue. Arington said the change was not out of spite or an attempt to win her love back.
"I did it just for me, just to make me feel good." she said.
Whether it's concentrating on schoolwork or helping others in need, taking some sort of action
seems to be the best way to deal with a breakup.
A i e m e S a y e e,
Louisburg freshman, said it was important
just to move on and do something to get your mind off of the situation.
"Go shopping," she said. "Buy something to make you feel better, or hang out with friends and do the moral support thing."
LEAD STORIES
The Nashville Tennessean reported in February on state government engineer Ken Robichaux's lonely, 10-year crusade to wipe out both the English system of measurement and the metric system, in favor of one that combines weight, length and volume into a single set of measures denominated as (not surprisingly) "robies." (For example, 25 robies could stand for any of 8 ounces, 1 cup, 250 milliliters, 250 grams or 250 cubic centimeters.) He said that Al Gore, when he was a senator, once called his ideas "intriguing."
ial last July that Borgwardt Funeral Home dig up the body because his wallet was missing. Sure enough, the wallet containing $64 and credit cards was still in Senz's pocket. In February 1997, Borgwardt sent the family a re-burial bill for $2,149, but then decided the whole thing was the county medical examiner's fault and sent the bill there. That office has denied responsibility.
In Milwaukee, the family of Robert Senz demanded shortly after his bur
In March, four strippers at the Scene Karaoke and Coconut Karaoke bars in Pattaya, Thailand, were fined a total of about $80 for indecenty for an act in which live ducklings were placed inside plastic "eggs" (with air holes) and inserted into the women's bodies so that in the course of their
routines, they would "lay" the eggs,
which would then "hatch."
Oops!
In February in Redwood City, Calif., Rachel Landa, 48, got out of her van to pump gas, but when she realized the hose wouldn't reach, she instructed her 14-year-old daughter to get behind the wheel and back it up. By the time the girl wrestled the van to a stop, the mother had been run over three times (broken ankle, foot and finger), and the van had crashed into a traffic signal box adjacent to the station.
Latest Highway Truck Spills: Several
hundred thousand apples near Brighton, Mich., in November; a tractor-trailer full of Hills Brothers ground coffee in downtown Louisville, Ken., in December; a truck hauling spaghetti sauce and ranch dressing (colliding with a truck full of computers) on l-35 in Austin, Texas, in January; and during a November ice storm, a tractor-trailer full of nuclear weapons near Brownlee, Neb. (an accident kept secret for a month by the federal government).
John O'Neil, 73, had to be rescued by firefighters in Huntington, N.Y., in February after he wandered out of a bar late at night and somehow got wedged between two buildings. He was struck so tight that he had to be
pulled out from above.
Well-Put
A Breathalyzer company executive testifying in a Knoxville, Tenn., DUI trial in September, disputing the defendant's contention that an untimely bech yielded a falsely positive reading: "Belching? I frankly have never seen a belch that brought alcohol up into the oral cavity."
Honduran Congressman Julio Villa-
toro, reacting in February to the
bigamy charge filed by his wife: "(I)
have problems with my wife, even
though she knows a handsome man
is not for one women, but for several.
Gave me a physique attractive to
women, and I take advantage of it."