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THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
THURSDAY, MAY 9, 2013
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PAGE 7A
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LOOKING FOR LOVE
Women use college as a way to gain practical relationship experience
Lauren Dowben always wanted to meet her significant other in college, so when she exchanged numbers with a guy she met in one of her classes, she considered him a possible mate for a long-term commitment. Over the next few months, they communicated via text message and Facebook, and they spent time together watching movies and hanging out, but eventually he told her that although he liked her, he did not want a relationship with her.
"He didn't know what he wanted, and he thought it might be me, but it wasn't," Dowben, a senior from Mountain Brook, Ala., said. "When he finally told me he didn't want a relationship, I still held out hope because I liked him."
Dowben constitutes 63 percent of college women who yearn to find their future husband in college, according to a 2001 study by the Institute for American Values, a socially conservative organization. The study interviewed 62 undergraduate women on 11 campuses, including private and public colleges, and surveyed 1,000 college women students. Although college can be
a great place for us to encounter new people, it can be harder than it may seem to obtain an enduring relationship.
"In college, it may seem a little easier because you are in contact with so many people all the time, so there are a lot of options," Allyn Lueders, a graduate teaching assistant in communication studies at the University, said. "Unfortunately, college is also stressful, and that makes it hard. To find the right one, you have to be the right one for someone else, and that means prioritizing the relationship over other things."
"It's common to think that finding the right person will be easy or fast, but it isn't always," Lueders said. "Also, it might not be love at first sight. Often times, love grows out of friendship so, you shouldn't dismiss someone completely just because you weren't in love with him or her from the very beginning."
College is also a place for us to experiment, which includes making mistakes and learning from them. Lueders said one misunderstanding we have involves our perception of how to find the right one.
Another mistake we may make includes searching for the right person in the wrong place. Jeremy Nicholson, a social and personality psychologist and dating and relationship consultant on Psychology Today, said those of us who want to meet potential partners for a serious, long-term relationship should avoid parties and any settings where people only want short-term
A recent study shows that 63 percent of college women aim to find their future husband during their college careers.
TRAVIS YOUNG/KANSAN
satisfaction.
"The best environment is any environment where students are more serious about themselves and relationships," Nicholson said. "Any environment that has a shared goal where you have common interests and can build upon an established relationship is good."
But just how exactly do we know when someone is supposedly "meant for us"? Ronnie Ryan, a dating coach on YourTango, said we should evaluate whether
someone is right for us by how he or she treats us and how compatible we are with that person.
"You should be able to comfortable around and understand each other," Ryan said. "Communication and trust are crucial. Also, you have to want the same things and have similar life goals."
— Amber Kasselman
KIDNAPPING
Ramsey gains fame from 911 call
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Charles Ramsey speaking to media near the home where missing women Amanda Berry, Gina Delesus and Michele Knight were rescued in Cleveland. Ramsey lived next door to where Ariel Castro is alleged to have kept the women in his makeshift prison until Monday afternoon, when Ramsey happened to be home and heard Amanda Berry's scream.
ASSOCIATED PRESS
NEW YORK — Helping to free three women from nearly a decade in captivity would seem to be enough. Neighbor Charles Ramsey has also become a star, offering moments of levity in an unspeakably horrible story, free publicity for a restaurant chain and unexpected lessons in race relations.
Ramsey lived next door to where Ariel Castro is alleged to have kept the women in a makeshift prison until Monday afternoon, when Ramsey happened to be home and heard Amanda Berry's scream.
Or let him tell it: "I got the day off from work, so naturally you're doing nothing."
Actually, he was "eating my McDonald's," a fact he trumpeted so frequently that the grateful food giant is trying to get in touch with him. A website that compiled some of Ramsey's television interviews kept count of how many times he mentioned McDonald's in each.
Ramsey, 43, gave a series of interviews to Cleveland television stations as the story broke Monday night that were replayed on national news. CNN's Anderson Cooper tracked him down for a lengthy conversation the next night. The interviews are performance art masterpieces, so filled with colorful language and astute reporting that he trended on Twitter and was the subject of Internet memes and an Auto-tuned song.
Similarly, a tape of a much more profane Ramsey talking to a 911 operator (whom he later called an imbecile) is circulating on the Web.
During his initial interviews, Ramsey said he was shocked to learn of allegations that Ariel Castro led a double life. Ramsey said he "used to barbecue with this dude. We eat ribs and what-not, listen to salsa music."
There was nothing exciting about Castro, he said. "Until today," he added.
"You've got some big testicles to
pull this off, bro," he said.
During his Tuesday interview with Cooper, Ramsey, who works at Hodge's Restaurant in Cleveland, noted that he had trouble sleeping
with the knowledge of what had been happening in the house next door. "Up until yesterday, the only thing that had me losing sleep was the lack of money," he said.
If he had
"When a little pretty white girl ran into a black man's arms, something was wrong."
Seeing a white girl in that situation was "a dead giveaway" that she was either homeless or had other problems, he said.
known what was going on, he said he'd be facing a homicide charge for taking matters into his own hands.
"I glad it turned out this way" Cooper replied.
"When a little pretty white girl
Ramsey's realization of what was happening on Monday was itself a revealing observation on race.
CHARLES RAMSEY
ran into a black man's arms, something was wrong," he said.
That sentence itself made Ramsey's interviewer uncomfortable; their conversation quickly ended. But the sound
bite was also highlighted in a parody song that was quickly doctored with Auto-tune and posted online. The phrases picked out for the song — like "we eat ribs with this dude" — also seemed to emphasize Ramsey's blackness.
ated ethnic stereotypes have been the subject of online mockery that struck some observers as racist. An Alabama man, Antoine Dodson, had his comments about a relative's attempted rape go viral.
Ramsey is the latest "hilarious black neighbor" to become an Internet celebrity, wrote Aisha Harris on the website Slate. "It's difficult to watch these videos and not sense their popularity has something to do with a persistent, if unconscious, desire to see black people perform," she wrote.
Past examples of television interviews that seem to play to exagger-
"There's always this sense of 'otherness' when something like this happens, when you see people who don't look like you or talk like you," said Tracy Clayton, a writer and editor for the Root website. "I like to laugh and make jokes as much as the other person, but I hope that we remember the women in this story, too."
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ASSOCIATED PRESS
First lady Michelle Obama signs copies of her book "American Grown: The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America" at the Politics & Prose bookstore in Washington.
"It's a great gift," she said of "American Grown: The Story of the White House Kitchen Garden and Gardens Across America."
ASSOCIATED PRESS
Michelle Obama signs book for fans
WASHINGTON (AP) — Michelle Obama on Tuesday returned to the business of selling her first book, and she started by telling scores of people waiting in line at a popular bookstore to "buy away" because Mother's Day is coming.
The book was published about a year ago in late May, and the first lady did just one book-signing event in Washington about two weeks afterward. She was, at the time, taking part in an even bigger sales job: campaigning around the country to help President Barack Obama win a second term.
"If you recall, when the book came out we were in the middle of this campaign, or something or
With the election over and a second term in the history books, Mrs. Obama ventured a few miles north of the White House to the Politics and Prose bookstore on a rainy morning to plug the fruit of her first turn as a best-selling author.
The first lady said she wrote the 271-page book for a bumper crop of reasons: to tell the story of her White House garden on the South Lawn, to spread the word about the history of community gardening in the United States and to start a conversation about childhood obesity in the U.S.
Before the signing, the first lady said all book proceeds are going to the National Park Foundation to help support the White House garden and community gardens across the country.
other" she joked Tuesday. "So we were a little busy."