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THURSDAY, MAY 8, 2013
HEALTH
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
TRAVIS YOUNG/KANSAN
Students often find themselves swamped with too many commitments, whether to school and work or favors for friends. When it all starts to be too much, find a way to make yourself happy before helping others.
JUST SAY 'NO!'
Quit committing to all the things that stress you out. Do what you want to do.
Who knew a simple word such as "yes" could be adding to our mountain of stress?
Her phone simultaneously buzzed and lit up with a new text. Emily Ferrell immediately stopped typing her paper and read it.
"Can you drive me to class?"
Buried in homework, she reluctantly pressed the letters "y","c","s"
Ferrell finds it hard to say "no" and a recent Health.com study attributed higher levels of stress to feeling pressured to accommodate other people. It said stress is especially prominent today because requests are consistently coming at us through a constant connection with technology.
The overused affirmative can often make us feel better about ourselves, but it can sometimes be a burden without us realizing it. There's a line between being generous and being a doormat because we all know giving to others periodically makes us feel good. So, when do we put our foot down?
The most obvious sign you're being too nice is when saying "yes" makes you feel bad, said Robert Brown, a physician at Watkins Memorial Health Center.
Liz Kocan, a health educator at the University, said it's when you begin to feel stressed about it.
"You have to do what's right for you," she said.
For Ferrell, a junior from Shawnee, the answer is always "yes." She feels obligated to help her friends, whether they're asking for a ride to class or for help with their homework.
"I will sav 'ves' probably 99 percent of the time."
Ferrell admits that more often than not, she puts other's feelings above her own. Four years ago, her doctor prescribed her Xanex to help lower anxiety and stress, but her failure to say "no" in most situations often hinders her life.
There are an infinite number of situations that cause us to feel stressed, and whatever it is, you are certainly not alone. A survey sited in the New York Times found that the average college freshman's stress levels are at an all-time high since more than 25 years ago. It found that only 52 percent of college students reported having above-average emotional health.
I asked 89 college students in my Applied Behavioral Science 100 class to rate their current stress level on a scale of one to 10, 10 being "extremely stressed." More than 60 percent of them ranked their stress level as a seven or higher. The top four stressors were school, finances, the future and relationships.
One student anonymously wrote, "Where am I going to be in two years when I graduate? There's so much stress with money afterward, and I also want to find meaningful relationships while in college to help prepare myself for marriage."
Someone put their stress level as "100," and said, "There is never a slow week... Teachers keep it coming."
Another wrote about the stress that comes with being depressed and overweight. "I've never been at the weight I want to be. It makes me self-conscious about what other people think of me."
Stress can have seriously negative implications on our body, Kocan said. "It affects the immune system drastically and breaks it down," causing you to feel sick or tired, she said. "It also can cause heart problems." Kocan called stress "the silent killer... It's unknown. You don't know you're causing it to your body." She said that one of the biggest ways to reduce
Whether it's telling a friend you can't go out with her tonight because you have too much homework or telling a neighbor you can't babysit her daughter because you'd rather see the newest Brad Pitt movie, sometimes you just need to say 'no' and do what is best for you.
Susan Newman, a social psychologist, wrote four simple steps on Health.com on how to say "no" when you really need to: Be enthusiastic, skip the excuses, show empathy and start with the "no" part. Brown agreed that you need to have a process laid out to help you steer clear of getting pulled into unwanted situations.
stress is to learn to recognize it by your body language and to put yourself first when those awkward situations arise.
Ferrell said a lot of times, people will call her first if they need a favor.
"I just feel bad when they ask," she said. "So even if I have something I need to do, I'll put that aside to make sure they get done what they need to." Most of the time, she said, she doesn't even feel appreciated afterward.
Brown said to give your decision thought before you respond. "If it's out of habit to say 'yes,' think of the relative importance of what they're asking and how that's going to play into your time and priorities," he said. "Because once you say 'yes' then you have additional stress if you change your mind."
Despite her willingness to bend over backwards for her friends, Ferrell knows it sometimes affects her health.
"I feel stressed a lot," she said. "I wish I could say 'no more.'"
Ferrell struggles with rejecting friends on a daily basis, but is learning to put herself first.
Brown posed an important reflection question: What is going to make you feel better, even tomorrow? Not just what will make you feel better right now?
"My thought process is: I should say no, but if I say no, then no one else will say yes. So I go do it for them. But I need to stop that."
We all get stressed about different issues, and Kocan and Brown agree that we have unique ways of dealing with it.
When saying 'yes' isn't your stress
Kristian Farner, a junior from Towanda, said feeling compelled to help out a friend comes natural to him, but his biggest monster is stress from procrastinating. He relies on his Adderall prescription to help out with his late-night study habits, but sometimes that can be worse.
"Adderal just boosts whatever type of mood I'm in, so if I'm already stressed, I'm going to be really stressed," he said. "It's stress building on stress."
Farner found he goes through the same scenario almost every night that puts him back in the same situation.
"I realize this is what happened last time," he said. "Why am I an idiot? Why did I let that happen again?"
Kocan suggested to identify the source of stress and to get away from it for a while.
Farner likes to take short naps to give his mind a break.
Meredith Allison, a junior from Larned, works 20 hours a week at the Alumni Center and the Clinton Lake marina and is enrolled in 19 credit hours. Her busy schedule leaves her overwhelmed.
"I feel like too many things are going on in my head," he said. "I don't make an improvement if I keep trying to power through."
"I really have a plan every day," she said. "If I get off schedule, everything turns into stress, stress, stress."
Brown said it is crucial to keep your priorities straight and to focus on what you really need to get done. Don't stress yourself out by trying to do too much.
Allison said that balancing work, school, extracurricular activities and a social life can get hectic, but she has learned to make the best of it.
"Know what needs to get done and do that first," Brown said. "If you have time left, then decide want you want to do with that."
"I don't take any moment for granted," she said. "I weave my social life in with school and extracurriculars, and I'm always trying to do the best I can for my friends and for myself."
Kocan said the key to relaxing is to put yourself first. If you can't make yourself happy, you're not likely to make anyone else happy, she said. Listen to your body and treat it well. Allison has learned to do
this and has found it easier to do throughout her college career.
Most people are their own biggest critic, and it's important to discover how to turn that into something positive, said Kocan. A former college softball player, she channeled her frustration through hitting practice. Softball was simultaneously her stressor and her stress relief. Kocan said it was a long period of "trial and error" before she could pinpoint what was wrong and take care of herself.
"I didn't realize I was stressed at the time," she said. "And that affected me for a long period of time."
As the semester progresses, the stress piles on with tests, projects and finals. Some students, like Ferrell, worry too much about pleasing others that they forget to please themselves, while others, like Farner and Allison, struggle to keep stress out of their lives. You can benefit from just saying "no" sometimes, or even just taking a deep breath and a short break from your stressors.
Caroline Atkinson
HOW TO DEAL
Liz Koean, health educator at the University, suggested an easy solution to help reduce stress. "Do something you love."
I posted on twitter to see what individual people do to zap stress. Maybe one of these peer-approved twitter tensions will help you:
@Sam Albers
going to the gym, listening to m and having a beer with a friend
@beckzzz11 over eating!
@Ja_DoreAsh
(is唱 to music)
@ andikristine
driving around, windows down, singing along to The Breakup CD at the top of my lungs!
@AJBARBROSA
1000MB
@GarretBuie
driving back roads at uh ... the suggested "speed limit"
@Lstaples24
Running!!! Driving around back roads, listening to music really loud, yoga, long talk sessions with my good friends, laughing
@erains22