MONDAY, APRIL 29, 2013
PAGE 4A
opinion
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I'm ready to be done with classes, but not ready to leave Lawrence for the summer.
That "Turn in drugs here" thing would probably work a lot better at Mizzou.
College: Making me fat one test at a time.
You Johnson County people can suck it up. No one gets hate like Topeka kids.
The number of people complaining about professors and students bringing their kids to class is TOO DAMN HIGH.
It's not a walk of shame, it's a walk of life.
Students, stop whining for extra credit, just study for finals. Love, your professors.
What a beautiful day to be a Jayhawk.
For future "bell tower" comments. The instrument is the carillon, it is housed in the campanile, and the player of said carillon is a carillonneur.
Can someone please enforce the "no skateboarding on campus" rule?
Excuse me, but anti-gay groups never had a legitimate argument to begin with.
equalityftw
Underclassmen. Quit walking in and out of the classroom in the middle of a lecture like you own the place. You're annoying.
Four people at Wal-Mart compliment ed me on my fake moustache. I don't know if that's good or bad.
Throwing cigarette butts into a dumpster is extremely dangerous. I would prefer litter over fire.
If I see one more hashtag in the FFA I will find the editor and hit him in the mouth. If it's a her I'll ask her to stop. Angrily of course, Editor's note: #StopWhining
Both guys and girls complaining about being forever alone. You know if we all meet up somewhere we can solve this.
I wonder how bell tower kids jam out.
For some reason I can imagine them
looking like keyboard cat.
I wonder how much of my new student fee went to pay for my future safe ride adventures.
It was national bring your kid to work day. Chill out.
Almost got run over by one of those tiny maintenance trucks. Lamest near-death experience ever.
Brain surgery on the jayhawk is completed!!!
Today I jaywalked in front of a cop car. I too like to live life dangerously.
To the girl that lives at Naismith Hall. I hope the ghost of James Naismith haunts you for wearing those Mizzou sweats on this holy ground.
What do you mean the "Big Bang Theory" isn't an actual portrayal of engineers?
Spam email leads to incredible e-book
About every two or three days, I check my spam folder. Mostly, this is just to make sure no useful emails have gotten lodged back there by mistake. But occasionally, in the swamp of form letters from Chinese merchants addressing me as "supplier" and looking to "create good business relationship" with my company, I find a hidden comedy gem that just comes out of left field. I unearthed such a diamond in fecal matter, and it was too weird not to share.
The subject line reads, "An Appeal to the Media," and its sender, who lives in Maryland, is asking me to send him some constructive criticism on his cryptically vague book project, which he refers to as "a novel idea" and has apparently thrown at every media outlet in the country at least once to see if it will stick.
"As a professional journalist of the Daily Kansan, your expert opinion on [my project] would be greatly appreciated," he writes, apparently ignorant of the facts that they don't pay me to do this job and that, as the humor columnist, I'm probably the least professional person on the staff.
Still, he says it will only take me "ONE MINUTE" to peruse his site and give him feedback, so I hop on over. What have I got to lose?
What little sanity I'm still holding onto, apparently. The site contains an e-book that my mysterious correspondent is trying to get publicity for, which (as far as I can tell) details an encounter he had with an extraterrestrial. But it doesn't limit itself to just kooky UFO conspiracy theories; the author claims in the Frequently Asked Questions section of the site that "[My project]" is about everything under the sun and over the rainbow." Also, to keep the people at PETA happy, the bottom of the homepage contains a disclaimer: "No trees, animals, earthlings or aliens were harmed, poked or prodded in production." Later on, the actual "book" reiterates: "In my story no animals are hurt. No man bites a dog. No canines are thrown off the set of a show in the way 'Family Guy's' dog Brian was abusively and dishonorably kicked off the set of Bill Maher's HBO show when all the dog wanted to do was promote his book." It's clear he was worried about some kind of
complaints, but I think this tract is too crazy for even PETA to sit through.
The book itself, upon closer inspection, details a day in which the author, sitting on his couch, is overcome by a blinding light and forced to engage in a "friendly conversation" with a "luminary" from the planet Zatox, who is bristling with tentacles, changes his skin color constantly and happens to speak perfect English in a cultured British accent. After the alien promises to "keep [their] encounter in the real of a dream," the two have a lengthy discussion of the merits of socialism. Some of the highlights:
In the book's third chapter, the author asks himself if the alien could be "some sort of a socialist solicitor" after it tries (and fails) to make a point about human society through an analogy about
the way a tree's vascular systems work. From what I can gather from the text, the author's accusation is based almost entirely on the alien's red skin tone.
After the alien makes a slip of the tongue, the author says, "It made me wish Dr. Freud would have been entered this dream in order to interpret it, if it indeed was a beam—I mean dream." Because the one thing this already painfully weird story needs is a shrink talking about how the alien's many tentacles are an extension of the author's sexual fetishes.
Upon learning that the author is unemployed, the alien asks if it is possible to make a career out of unemployment. Judging by the outlandishness of his ideas and his general cookiness, I'd agree that this guy is probably the best person to ask.
Midway through a chapter, the author takes a break from talking about the alien to muse about the possibility of birds taking over the planet in retribution for the extinctions that humans have caused. This rant tries to link this theory to the popularity of the video game "Angry Birds" and contains the wonderfully inept
sentence "Were we just porcine featherweights in an upcoming struggle between the 'Aves' and the 'have-nots'?"
The author describes some vaguely unsettling rhymes he uses to sing to himself on the subway on his way to work: "My favorite began with 'I'm' and then continued repeatedly 'a lunatic from Georgia Tech, a rambling wreck, oh what the heck, I picked a peck and took my pick, held up a stick and gave a kick, a lunatic from Georgia Tech..."
As you can see, it's not the most coherent piece of prose in the world. But despite its flaws, I think this guy's got a fair shot at getting his book published somewhere if he wants to. All he has to do is change his mouthpiece in the book to a woman and include a scene of hot, steamy alien lovemaking, and this thing will be the next "50 Shades of Grey" (perhaps the alien could even change its skin color to a gradient of grays as an homage!). And, in retrospect, if we're going that route, it couldn't hurt to throw Freud back in there.
CAMPUS
May is a sophomore majoring in German and journalism from Derby
University exam structure hinders students' achievement chances
Final exams are outdated and need reconsideration. The traditional class structure of paltry homework assignments and hefty final exams is hindering the University's goals.
Tests are universal. Some courses are project or essay focused, but graduating without taking any kind of test is an impossible feat. How else can an educator cast a wide net to measure learning? Final exams provide closure to a learning phase, a final touch to a semester of progress. They certainly expose the substantial number of students that truly don't have a clue what's going on. They are supposedly fair. But, each final exam has become a single performance.
The situation is analogous to basketball. No one will remember how players wake up at 5 a.m. and shoot thousands of shots before practice. It's not about how great a shooter you are or how great a defender you are. At the end of the day, it's about winning games and winning championships.
Final exams have turned into tremendous performances, minus the fanfare of winning a championship. Instead of gauging understanding or preventing slackers from reaching more complex courses, exams have turned into whether or not you can stick a landing. A petroleum engineering course I took a year ago had only one exam, the final exam, worth 100 percent of the grade. One false step and the exact same course was in my near future, regardless of what I learned. One performance could define whether or not a semester was worthwhile.
It isn't just final exams. Regular exams worth 30 percent are downright deadly too. This traditional class structure, where homework and quizzes are worth a penny or two but exams are worth an arm and a leg, hinders the University's objective to prepare students for lifelong learning, leadership and success. It kills learning diversity.
By Chris Ouyang couyang@kansan.com
I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that each student learns differently. Some students learn visually. Some are auditory learners. Many require analogy. Some students excel with repetition. Some need their homework graded so they can see their mistakes. Some students need a pencil in hand because computer-based assignments are fickle. Many need a computer to type notes because their handwriting is atrocious.
As a competitive person who learns well from repetition and textbooks, I've been in position to take advantage of in-class tests. The traditional class structure gives me systemic advantages. However, it crushes students that learn differently. It decimates diligent students who prepare their physics solutions daily, but on test day become anxious and miss three of eight multiple choice questions. It suffocates practical students who know 98 percent of organic chemistry nomenclature but misname the exception to ring structures. The class may have encouraged different kinds of learning styles, but there's hardly variation in multiple choice and free response exams.
The University goes out of its way to encourage diversity, but stops short when it comes to promoting diverse learning styles because exams, by sheer weight, are too narrow in scope. Conform to the structure and do well. Learning the way you learn best might test your luck,
not your knowledge. Diverse students come into a class, but cookie-cutter thinkers come out. Who can blame the students for wanting to do well?
Instead of addressing the structural needs of the flailing students, those pummeled by a class' format, some professors commit the sin of curving exam grades. Students that should fail are not failing, students that need their different learning styles acknowledged remain unadressed, and achieving students decide they don't need to work hard to do well.
Sadly, no one measures achievement by how hard you tried. It's the cruelest irony that afflicts students with great work ethics. No one measures the number of hours we don't sleep. We are measured by the value that we create, the material we know, and the skills we can apply. But a final exam systematically discriminates, like a broken scale. If the University wants to build life-long learners who achieve, why not rebel against the traditional class structure? Why not add a class shopping period with a sample test, so students aren't duped on final exam day when it's already too late! Instead of four tests worth the entire grade, why not have a midterm, a term paper, a presentation, and a group project?
Even the awful test taker knows that "I'm just a bad test taker" is a terrible excuse for doing poorly in a class. But if the University is going to make progress towards any of its goals, don't courses need to change? I don't detest exams. I'm mildly proud to say that I've made my living off of them, in a way. But the University will get nowhere fast unless courses are structured differently.
Duyang is a junior majoring in petroleum engineering and economics from Overland Park
TECHNOLOGY
Sleeping is key to finals week success
Lots of terrible things went down during the past couple weeks, and they've been sitting heavy on my mind way too often. I seriously needed a break from the weight of the real world, so I forced myself to think about other stuff. The result? Another round of Monday musings:
FINALS
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With finals coming up, I'd like to point out a rule I've followed for a while that was recently corroborated by hard science: trying to pull an all-nighter or staying up very late to study for a test will make you do worse than your peers who've had a good night's sleep.
According to a study from the University of Texas that tracked students academics and sleep habits, those that had the least sleep had more academic problems and worse performance. This is because sleep is all powerful. Sleep consolidates memories (as in it makes you remember all of those formulas and essay topics better). It makes you focused the next day. Shocker: It just gives you energy. So while you might think that studying an extra hour or two until 3 a.m. will help you, it actually just makes sure your brain has less time to absorb everything you're cramming for.
SLEEP
While I'm at it, I'll talk about some extra sleep tips. Last year, Esquire asked some experts, and taking a 30 minute nap an hour before your test will help wipe your mind of most issues, so when you wake up you can focus only on your test.
Another shocker: Ingesting caffeine after and taking naps after 5 p.m. has been proven to disrupt your sleep schedule and keep you up into the wee hours of the next day. So don't do it, because you'll be tired and won't be able to focus.
VIDEO GAMES
Apply to work as a Reporter, Designer or Photographer for the Sumner and Fall staffs of the University Daily Kansan at employment.ku.edu.
"Bioshock Infinite" is the best all-around media I've been exposed to in a while. There's enough action and bloodshed to make "300" look like "My Little Pony," enough symbolism and social and moral commentary to bring tears to the eyes of an
But seriously, it's a stupifying good game — as in I could think of nothing else for 48 hours. It's fun to see a video game break so many boundaries at once. If the Oscars suddenly changed their rules, this game would stand a fair chance at winning best picture.
CHEMISTRY
English major, and plays out so much like an artistic film that I would make even Wes Anderson enthusiasts put down their cigarette (or chai tea) long enough to say "It was almost as good as Life Aquatic."
I'm kind of tired of hearing people say stuff like "Oh I'll never need to use that in real life." You probably could and should, if you wanted to. Today's example: chemistry.
If you've taken a chemistry course, you have no excuse to be bad at cooking. Almost all dishes include some sort of acid-base reaction, like adding wine to a dish or marinating meat. They both help break down the proteins and carbohydrates in the food, and both add volatile compounds that contribute to aroma, and stable molecules that contribute to flavor. Those stable molecules won't do anything by themselves, they have to caramelized, which is a form of pyrolysis, a reaction that takes one molecule and changes it to another, depending on the level of heat added. Somehow, we got lucky enough that most edible things have molecules that can be caramelized at low temperatures (less than 500 degrees) into really tasty things. Basically any good you've had that was baked, grilled, or toasted is due to caramelization.
Oh yeah, you've also had basic thermodynamics in chemistry, so you aren't allowed to be surprised or upset when you burns things when you leave them in a really hot oven, pan, or whatever.
Simpson is a freshman majoring in chemical engineering from Fairway
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