KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / MONDAY, APRIL 26. 2010 / NEWS
5A
that she lives in since
laying it opened.
was still
ence to two-and-
that day.
house feeling
ampus.
ance of
ult. she
seeing
feel like
a again.
orough
titulation
alt and
hard刮
o avoid
end say.
couldn't
rapists bushes, Justice's, about attackers dates, or can vision to mutu- a from
, 'Whating ope my
JESSICA k senior
or, was by her by ar with home. claimed home. home. e event, need in cult, ampon. But she down groping were just against
, 'What this to did,' she
boke up,
ing, and
show-
count of
deer dirty
decided
illitating
my own
courageewhern about
the assault, but he denied responsibility, claiming Jessica had seduced him. He said she had put his hands up her dress and asked him to come over. Jessica said she knows these are lies, but they are lies that, in her weaker moments, even she is tempted to believe.
"Things he said made me question myself, but in my heart of hearts I know I didn't do anything wrong," she said.
"I felt completely isolated in my own feelings. I felt unlovable."
Jane, a 19-year-old Lawrence resident, said that reporting the man who sexually assaulted her was not easy because he was in her circle of friends, but that she never regretted her decision. She said recognizing the rape was not her fault allowed her to move past feeling like a victim.
JESSICA Overland Park senior
"We have other friends who don't know about it," she said. "I label myself as broken and damaged, and it's hard to get past that."
Jessica never reported the assault, opting to try and forget. But four months later, she finds herself crying and remembering the attack regularly. She still lives with fear that he will tell even more mutual friends and blame her.
McKay, former assistant director of the women's resource center, said many victims were reluctant to classify what happened as rape because their experiences broke the mold of the "classic rape scenario." She said because many victims know their attacker, they are conflicted and even feel some responsibility for protecting that person.
"They think, 'I don't want to see what happens to people on "Law and Order: SVU'" happen to this guy. There's so much inherent shame in it," she said.
Even if a victim reports the assault, dealing with a nine-month investigation and no guarantee of resolution is a daunting risk for many survivors. She said many choose to handle it personally and to bury it or move on with their lives.
"But nothing stays buried forever"
McKay said.
--want my parents to be disappointed in me," Amanda said. "My self-worth spiraled downward."
For Amanda, 22, the regret of not reporting didn't surface until years after she was raped. A Lawrence resident and one-time Johnson County Community College student. Amanda was a 15-year-old freshman at Eudora High School when she met Pat, a junior all-star athlete who played football and basketball. She was the cute new girl, and he noticed her. Amanda was forbidden from dating until she was 16, but her parents made an exception in March of her freshman year and allowed Pat to take her to a movie with two other friends.
When he picked her up, the plan had changed. The other couple "couldn't come," he explained. After the movie, she heard Pat call his dad and say he would be late getting home. Amanda said he drove her out onto a country road not far from her home, reclined her seat, and got on top of her. She said she tried to push him away, honk the horn, anything to stop him, but he was 6-foot-3 and 200 pounds. She was powerless.
"I was just frozen," she said. "I felt like I could see myself lying there, but I couldn't stop anything. I kept asking God, 'Why is this happening?'"
Amanda said what felt like two hours lasted only 20 minutes. Neither of them spoke when Pat drove her home. Amanda didn't tell her parents for three months, despite continued questioning from her worried mom, who would tell her, "The sparkle in your eye is gone. You're not the same."
"I thought it was my fault and I didn't
When she finally told her parents what had happened, they called police immediately to see what their options were, but they had few left. There was no evidence, other than her testimony. Amanda and her parents decided not to continue a futile police investigation.
"He was popular," Amanda said. "I felt like everyone would believe him and side with him."
Amanda said she also partially blamed herself for being raped. She even socialized with Pat for a month after he raped her. She said he threatened to kill her and himself if she told, and reminded her in a text message, "No one will ever love you again." Rumors of the rape spread around school, but Amanda said that, just as quickly, other rumors arose that she was a whore and had led him on. She felt tainted, broken and dirty.
"Of course, now I regret not reporting because I wonder if he did that to other girls," she said. "Now I'd rather people know and choose to believe me or not. Either way, I know the truth."
Now, seven years after the assault, Amanda said she could talk about it without crying.
Jane, 19, a Lawrence resident who was drinking when someone she knew raped her, was fortunate that other friends interrupted the attack and were willing witnesses for the truth. It happened after her two-year relationship with her boyfriend ended in March, and Jane decided to let loose. One night at a friend's house party, she threw back five double shots. Another woman at the party found her lying face down in her own vomit a few hours later. The woman helped her to
While she lav there, passed out, Josh, a man she knew and considered a friend, pulled the blanket over both of them and raped her.
the bathroom then laid her on the couch with a blanket to sober up.
JANE
Nineteen-year-old
Lawrence resident
But there were witnesses. Five of Jane's friends saw Josh lying intimately with Jane, who was still unconscious. They made him leave. Jane awakened to her friend's voices telling her, "It's OK, honey; he's gone." She noticed her underwear was at her knees.
"When I realized what was happening, it was like I was dreaming," she said. "I saw shadows, I heard people talking, I saw things going on around me, but I wasn't able to help myself."
The next morning, she called police. Jane hadn't showered or changed her clothes. Police brought her to the hospital immediately and nurses did a rape kit. She called her mother, who came to the hospital. For the first time since the assault, Jane cried.
"I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I'm done being unhappy. I'm done feeling worthless and letting myself be treated that way."
Jane and her mother went to the district attorney's office. Attorneys and police there worked with her to record a confession her assailant, Josh, made to her over the phone. Jane called Josh and, though he denied having sex with her, admitted he penetrated her with his fingers. What he didn't know was that any unwanted penetration constitutes rape. He was arrested and his bail set at
$125,000.
"It was embarrassing, but we didn't say anything," Jane said. "We didn't need to"
Jane said the process has been difficult because the attacker is in her circle of friends, some of whom have criticized her. However, she has never regretted reporting it.
"I didn't want to feel that for the rest of my life I have to defend myself," she said. "But I have nothing to prove. He admitted to a horrible crime and that guilt is his alone."
The decision to go to police and turn in someone she knew was not easy, she said, but it helped her rediscover her self worth.
"I'm done feeling sorry for myself," she said. "I'm done being unhappy. I'm done feeling worthless and letting myself be treated that way. I don't want to stay a victim of this or anything for the rest of my life."
Jane's assailant Josh had his preliminary hearing Thursday and was scheduled to stand trial in July.
Kate's case is pending review by the district attorney's office, but unlikely to go forward without more evidence. Police still have the blue mini dress and high heels she was wearing the night of the assault. She won't be getting them back. They're potential evidence now.
While her alleged attacker remains free and hasn't been charged, Kate and her family are still suffering from the after shock of the assault. She failed her class when she missed the test the morning after her assault. The lost credits kept her from meeting requirements for admission to the School of Journalism and will delay her graduation by one semester. She had more than $1,000 in medical expenses, will pay tuition a second time for the class she failed, and now faces therapist fees for counseling. Tom, her father, said if the district attorney's office doesn't find
enough evidence to press criminal charges he would consider pursuing a civil lawsuit for damages.
Looking back, Kate remembers how confused she was when she refused the tests the nurses and police officers encouraged her to take.
According to the most recent report, only 6 percent of rapists will ever spend a day in jail.
NATIONAL CENTER FOR POLICY ANALYSIS,1999
"They asked if I wanted to be tested for date rape drugs," Kate said. "I didn't even believe I had been sexually assaulted. I had no idea what they were talking about. I just kept saying I needed to leave."
Several months after the attack, Kate saw her attacker at the Ambler Student Recreation Fitness Center, playing basketball. A little stunned, she stopped momentarily, and caught his eye.
"I immediately, I just thought, 'Why are you standing so close to me when you know what's happened?'" she said.
Kate initially felt resentful when she saw him on campus. Now, she says she has given up living with anger. She considers herself lucky. Regardless of whether her attacker is prosecuted, Kate said she has healed and moved on with her life.
"I'm definitely more watchful of the people I'm with, but it doesn't control my life," she said. "All I can do is watch out for my friends and make sure it doesn't happen to them."
Kate even said she wouldn't rule out accepting another free drink if someone bought it for her — and she kept a close eye on it.
Edited by Brandy Entsminger
What to do after an assault to help preserve evidence
Jessie Fazel, a nurse at Lawrence Memorial Hospital, is trained to collect evidence from victims after an assault. She advises victims to avoid showering, douching, brushing their teeth, or eating or drinking anything and to come to the hospital as soon as possible.
"Time is evidence," Fazel said, because rape kits must be conducted within 72 hours of an assault. For a rape kit, nurses take a blood sample, comb through public hairs and pluck 25 of them, and swab the inside of the vagina, mouth and anus for the attacker's DNA in semen residue. Samples are analyzed at the Kansas Bureau of Investigation in Topeka, where rape cases go to the top of the list, along with murders. Samples are stored and can be matched with the rapist years after the attack.
Kathy Guth, a nurse practitioner in women's health, is certified to do rape kits at Watkins Memorial Hospital. She said a victim could also opt to be given prophylaxis treatments for chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. If the assailant didn't wear a condom, and the victim goes to the hospital shortly after the attack, emergency contraception such as the Plan 8 pill is also an option.