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kansas in heat // GET FLIRTY WITH FIVE QUESTIONS
relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one weekly Jayplay column at a time.
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Minn., graduate student, is the host of Kansas in Heat, a talk show about sex and relationships that airs Thursdays at 7 p.m. on KJHK, 90.7fm and at kjhk.org.
*THE OPINIONS OF THIS COLUMNIST DO NOT NECESSARILY REJECT THE VIEWS OF JAYPLAY KANSAS IN HEAT IS NOT TO BE CONSIDERED AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP
First or second dates are tough. Why? Because we are unsure of what to talk about and how to build attraction. I think people should focus on having a great time, rather than searching for commonalities through endless interrogations. Nothing builds attraction faster than having fun.
Something fun to do on a date is to play a game. Why not gamble? For example, you are on a date and really into the guy or girl. You've had one drink and are worried to ask if he or she wants another. Or perhaps you want a kiss. Use a game to make these awkward situations easier and build attraction.
Try Neill Strauss' five questions game. Tell the person you're into that you are going to ask five questions. If you get a false answer to every question, the other person wins and you'll buy the next round. But, if he or she answers truthfully to any of the questions, the next round is on him or her.
Ask something such as "Where are we sitting right now?" Your date will think this is easy and answer, "The moon." Pause a bit before you ask the next question. Make sure the next question is something about your appearance or looks so that he or she can see how great you look.
You ask, "What kind of shoes am I wearing?" The guy or girl gives some crazy answer such as moon boots. Ask a third question, which should also be about your looks. Then comes the hook — after a brief pause, ask, "How many questions was that?" The other person, thinking he or she
is smart, will smile and say something like,
"Twelve. You thought I was going to answer
truthfully."
You smile, sit back and praise your horttie's ability. You then say, "Oh, you've played this game before, haven't you?" This is where the person will lose the bet. In his or her excitement and desire to show you cleverness, the other person will say, "No way, I've never even heard of this game!" And you've won the game.
In the end, your date will think it's a cute game, find you more interesting (depending on the way you deliver it) and you get a free drink, kiss, or whatever you set as the stakes.
Why do we feel pressured to treat those initial dates as an interview? I think you'll learn a lot more about someone by just having a fun time, rather than interrogating your date.
Do you have a question for Kansas in Heat? E-mail it to kansasinbeat@yahoo.com.
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