FEATURE
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Text message hook up. Technology has made it easier for sheeting to occur. Whether it's through text messages, webcams, or intimate email correspondence, people looking for action outside of their relationship may have an easier time doing it. Beware, however, because this method can leave digital footprints through cell phone records and website history.
psychological factors can also play major roles. People tend to cheat physically when they've lost their attraction to their partner or they aren't getting enough sex. When unfaithful companions start paying more emotional attention to someone else, they are removing themselves from their current relationship and having their emotional needs met elsewhere.
The chase or the thrill of someone new also drives sexual affairs. If and when an opportunity presents itself, the temptation can be hard to resist, especially if bedroom boredom or revenge for a partner's indiscretions is already in the back of your mind. But these are all underlying problems in a relationship.
Gabriella Hartwell, author and relationship coach in Arizona, says she sees a lot of partners cheat in a relationship for fear of being alone. "Some people need that reassurance that there is always someone else." Hartwell says.
Courtney, a KU graduate student, has cheated on all of her boyfriends for an entirely different reason. She can't get over her ex. Although it has always been a spontaneous thing, every time she has cheated it has been with the same ex-boyfriend.
"He's like my Mr. Big," Courtney says. "He has a sneaky way of knowing when something is going wrong with my current relationship and he calls right when I need someone else."
Courtney admits that two of her relationships ended directly from these indiscretions, but every time she is in a relationship she finds herself
going back to the guy she has history with. She says she goes back to him because she still has feelings for him.
"He has a power over me." Courtney says. "He'll never be what I want him to be, but there's something there between us that will never go away."
THE AFTERMATH
If you cheated, deciding to tell your partner can be difficult. If it only happened once and didn't mean anything, is it worth hurting your partner and risking the end of the relationship? Hartwell, author and life coach, says if it only happens once and it doesn't happen again, you may not need to communicate your betrayal. She also warns of the possible backlash this could cause if the partner finds out from someone else.
However, some people believe in the "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy. Nick Peterson, Austin, Texas, senior, says that cheating is never a clear-cut issue. "If it's a one-time thing, I'm more
If one-night stands start becoming habits or the cheating starts to affect you emotionally, Hartwell then advises to communicate the issue. "It is always important to listen and try to understand what happened and why. Try not to just accuse, because both parties are processing the situation," she says. "If it is going to affect you, then you need to express it because if something is missing and if it's not being communicated, then you can't fix it with that person."
willing to accept it. But admitting to it may do too much damage." Peterson says. "Trust is hard to earn and even harder to get back."
In these cases of one-night stands, people love to use alcohol as an excuse for their actions. If your partner goes out drinking without you and ends up in someone else's bed, it can be difficult to tell if the act was pre-meditated or spontaneous. Kelsey Gibbons, Denver, Colo., junior, says alcohol is no excuse.
Understanding how you and your partner feel about cheating is important, because values
"If my boyfriend cheated on me once when he was drunk, I would never trust him going out alone again," Gibbons says. "Even if he was drunk, in my opinion, he's still subconsciously looking for it."
differ in each person. Say you're at a bar with your boyfriend or girlfriend and they are openly flirting with other people and it's making you uncomfortable. What are you going to do about it? In that moment, it may not be wrong for that person, but maybe it is for you.
Cheating in relationships is an important issue for college students today. Studies show that we are more promiscuous than our parents' generation. A habit of playing the field while single could make cheating that more tempting while in a relationship. The best thing to do is to be clear with someone on your expectations in a relationship in order to lessen the pain cheating can cause. Jp
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