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how we met // RODGER MATTHEWS & KATE KENNEDY
all great relationships had to start somewhere.
Rodger Matthews, Lawrence junior, and Kate Kennedy, Lawrence sophomore, went to junior high school together but didn't become friends until they started hanging out in Hashinger Hall last year.
Although Matthews didn't live there, he befriended Kennedy and discovered they had quite a few mutual friends. Soon they began to desire more than a platonic relationship. However, not wanting to risk ruining their friendship, both Matthews and Kennedy kept their attraction a secret for months. This hesitation started to take a toll on their relationship before it even started.
"We didn't do anything but argue about whether or not we should be together." Matthews says.
Kennedy was forced to come to terms with her crush when her roommate confronted her about how much time she was spending with Matthews.
"What I liked most about Rodger was that even though he was confident, he never acted like an egotistical douche bag," Kennedy says.
Similarly, Matthews felt refreshed by how different Kennedy was from other girls he'd dated. "She's just as cynical as I am, which is pretty sweet," Matthews says. "It's nice not having a girl get mad at me for saying really stupid, cynical
shit all the time."
Last October. Kennedy and Matthews decided it was finally time to make things official. Though Kennedy worried that things might become awkward among their mutual friends, she was pleased to find their relationship was greeted with excitement and support.
// LINDSAY CLEEK
Residence hall romance. Matthews and Kennedy, met on the sixth floor of Hastingsin Hall.
catch of the week // TOBY WRIGHT
our weekly peek at a fish in the KU sea
HOMETOWN: Arkansas City, Kansas
YEAR: Junior
MAJOR: Vocal Performance
INTERESTED IN: Women
Main hobbies: Listening to music, watching opera, singing, playing sports and hanging out with friends.
Favorite Lawrence hangout: To get away I like to go to Clinton Lake and sit on the dam. It is nice to be able to sit alone sometimes and not worry about the world for a minute. If I am looking to go out and get a drink, upstairs at Henry's is usually where I head.
Favorite quote: "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are." — John Wooden
Major turn off(s); Materialistic girls I get the whole wanting to look good and all, but give me some substance.
Major turn on(s): A girl who is seriously motivated and passionate about what she is doing with her life. Also, I think it is a big deal to have a girl who likes my friends.
Notices first in a potential partner: Eyes, because they can communicate so much of what a person may be thinking. It definitely does not hurt to have a nice pair of eyes.
Why I am a catch: I drive a mini-van and I'm not ashamed of it. Some may not understand that very well, but coming from a humble background. I am very thankful for everything that I have been blessed with so far in my life. I understand the importance of working hard every day to hopefully achieve the goals that I have set for myself.
// KATY SAUNDERS
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kansas in heat // THE KILLER F WORD
relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one weekly Jayplay column at a time.
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Dillow, m graduate student, is the host of Kansas in Heat, a talk about sex and relationships that airs Thursday at 7 p.m. on KJKL, 90.7 pm at klink.org.
- THE OPINIONS OF THIS COLUMNIST DO NOT NECESSARLY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF LAWYPLAY KANSAS IN HEAT IS NOT TO BE CONSIDERED AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP
Ninety percent of the time I can tell when a couple is going to break up. When you are looking for it, dissatisfaction in a relationship is clear as day. One of the biggest signs is the increase of the word "fine" in the couple's vocabulary. Fine is code for "something is bothering me, but I don't want to bring it up because I think I am protecting the relationship." This response actually hurts the relationship.
People who withhold conflict will not have as strong of a relationship as people who problem solve. An avoidance style of communication won't work in a relationship
— especially romantic ones. There is a very strong association between topic avoidance and relational satisfaction. As topic avoidance goes up, relational satisfaction goes down. A problem-solving view on communication is much better than an avoidance style of communication.
To see this in practice, let take a hypothetical situation with two possible outcomes.
The problem with our hypothetical couple, Shannon and Ryan, centers on Shannon's annoyance with Ryan's teasing of her.
If Shannon and Ryan's relationship is based on an open communication style. Shannon may try to communicate her displeasure with Ryan and, after talking through the situation, the two feel closer and learn a lot about each other, strengthening the relationship.
In scenario B, Shannon and Ryan have the same problem. Except this time Shannon doesn't say anything. The problem sits inside Shannon and they both start to avoid more topics and confrontations, which then spirals into a much larger fight, all triggered by attempting to pass off something as "fine" just to avoid a mature dialogue. This attack continues until one person storms off and the relationship is darnaged.
The message is clear: An avoidance style of conflict hurt relationship satisfaction.
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Do you have a question for Kansas in Heat?
E-mail it to kansasinbeat@yahoo.com.