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GETTING YOUR GAME ON
How to keep your relationship from becoming a real-life version of Mortal Kombat // LINDSAY CLEEK
Virtual reality. Just because you're winning in World of Warcraft doesn't mean you're scoring points in the relationship department.Make sure that you and your partner discuss ground rules of gaming if it's becoming an interference. Otherwise, learn to play and spend some quality time together.
Photo illustration by Jerry Wang
After a long day of class and work, Kat Perez finally arrives home to find that her boyfriend, Nick Raya, JCCC student, is so immersed in his World of Warcraft (WoW) raid that he barely notices her walk in the door. After experiencing countless nights similar to this, Perez, Wichita senior, has reached her breaking point.
"He quit playing WoW because I threatened to break the computer. It sounds funny but I was dead serious." Perez says. "He plays X-Box mainly now and knows not to ignore me unless he's ready for the longest span of bitching he's ever heard."
Perez's situation may sound extreme, but for many young adults, computer and video games have a major effect on their lives. Whether the player's game of choice is a MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role-playing game) such as World of Warcraft or a console game such as Call of Duty, many gamers get so consumed that their relationships suffer.
Seventy percent of college students report playing video games at least "once in awhile," according to a Pew Research poll. A 2009 study by Brigham Young University, based on information collected from 813 college students nationwide, reported that as the amount of time students spent playing video games went up, their quality of relationships with friends and family went down.
Video games caused such a conflict in Perez and Rava's relationship largely because Raya simply didn't realize how much time he was spending online. He says that at times he put gaming before his relationship. It got so bad that even though the couple lived together they stopped interacting almost completely.
"I'd try to squeeze time in around dinner but he'd have his headphones on and be in the middle of a raid, so he'd only talk to me when his friends took smoke breaks every hour — it was pretty damn bad." Perez says.
Shannon Fox, licensed marriage and family therapist and former host of Discovery Health Channel's Love On The Rocks, says that if couples don't decide together on an appropriate amount of time to spend on video games, the relationship can die from lack of attention. She suggests partners specify game-free times of the day or week. "When you know that you'll have time with your partner, you're less likely to feel replaced by the game," Fox says.
Your relationship doesn't have to take a backseat to video games just because your partner is an avid gamer. Fox says that as long as couples keep track of how much time they spend playing, video games can be a great outlet to blow off steam together after school or work.
Dr. Don Lynch, professor of psychology at Unity College in Maine agrees with Fox, saying that certain games have interactive features that can have a positive effect on relationships. "The
interactive components of some games can be beneficial to relationships," Lynch says.
The Daedalus Project, a 2005 study that researched the demographics of World of Warcraft players, found that of more than 1,000 users, 84 percent were male. However, Garrett Van Gotten. Chanute senior, was actually introduced to World of Warcraft by his fiance, Alicia Kranker, Frontenac senior. Although games like this often cause conflict, World of Warcraft actually brought Van Gotten and Kranker closer together.
"The only thing you really can take away from it are memories and stories. Getting to share them with people you enjoy being around is what makes a game worth playing." Van Gotten says.
Though Van Gotten and Kranker stopped playing WoW last summer because internships got in the way of their guild's strict raiding schedule, they have some advice on how to deal if you're dating a gamer.
To the partner who doesn't play: "No matter how 'bad' you are or how disinterested, it's always worth trying out," Kranker says. To the partner who does play: "Try to bring your partner into the game — it makes gaming a lot more fun.
You can avoid those awkward 'gotta go guys, wife agro' comments and it'll help a lot."
If you don't like the same games as your partner, there are always alternatives. Perez's boyfriend bought her a Nintendo DS Lite console last year.
"I'm not advanced enough for the Xbox 360 most of the time so I play Final Fantasy and the Sims 3," Perez says. "We sit next to each other and play our respective games, goof around and make fun of the little kids on COD4 (Call of Duty)."
If your boyfriend or girlfriend seems to care more about what level he or she reaches in his or her favorite game than remembering your birthday, don't let it get you down. Fox says you should try to approach the issue without putting down your partner's favorite pastime and find the best way to manage or incorporate video games into your relationship. If at first you aren't sure how to deal with such a new-age obsession, you're not alone.
"There's certainly never been anything as readily available, stigma-free and addictive as video games — except maybe Monday Night Football." Fox says. Jp
five things a gamer's significant other never wants to hear
1. "My guildmates want you to say something on my mic during raid tonight so they know you're is real."
2. "No, I can't pause this! Two more kills and I get a chopper gunnet!"
3. "Want to go on World Tour with me and my new Rock Band tonight? I'll let you be the singer!"
4. "Get down! Get down! ... Oh no, not you, baby, my lieutenant was about to get trapped."
5. "For your birthday I got you an Xbox 360 Elite Resident Evil Limited Edition console with 120 GB of memory. It was only $350. I just couldn't pass up that kind of a deal — it's an investment."
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