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kansas in heat // LOSING THE SPARK
relationship researcher Mike Anderson tackles the sticky world of relationship advice, one weekly Jayplay column at a time.
Mike Anderson, Dellwood, Minn., graduate student, is the host of Kansas in Heat, a talk show about sex and relationships that airs Thursdays at 7 p.m. on KJHK, 90-71m and at kjhk.org.
*THE OPINIONS OF THIS COLUMNIST DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF JAYPLAY KANSAS IN HEAT IS NOT TO BE CONSIDERED AS A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL HELP!
Why does the amount of sex in my relationships decrease as the relationship goes on? Is there a way to combat it?
Couples can become so familiar with each other that sex becomes routine or mundane. It is not unusual for the passion and allure of sexual behavior with a long-term partner to fade.
Every healthy relationship needs three things to survive — commitment, intimacy and
passion. Passion is often the first to subside, but spontaneity and experimentation can keep the passion for your partner high.The reason sexual frequency goes down is because it is no longer new and exciting.
You can combat mundane and routine sex by experimenting with sexual positions, sexual toys, role play and my personal favorite — sharing your sexual fantasies. You need to keep your sex exciting. Focusing on the quality of the sex will help you with the quantity. Start giving in to those urges you feel and do nothing about.
If you find urges at random times and places to make love to your partner, then you probably have a healthy relationship. This is the type of passion and sexual activity that can really jump start your sexual desires. Part of the equation is finding someone you have a strong sexual arousal towards. The other part involves using spontaneity and experimentation to keep fueling your sexual desire.
Do you have a question for Kansas in Heat?
E-mail it to kansasinheat@yahoo.com.
our weekly peek at a fish in the KU sea.
catch of the week // SARAH JESSICA VELEDA EYER
**Turn-ons:** Humor. If you can make me laugh, then that’s all I need. I also like if a guy can lift me into his arms without passing out.
**Turn-offs:** I've found that guys that are douches are surprisingly not appealing. Also, guys that cry, even if it's the movie *Rudy*.
Hobbies: I would say a few hobbies are laughing louder than all my friends, creeping out strangers and making up songs to everyday activities.
Favorite pick-up line: The Polar bear:
Handsome Stranger; "Hey, do you know how much a polar bear weighs?"
Me: "No, how much?"
HS: "Just enough to break the ice. Hi, I'm insert name here."
**Type:** My type would have to be Gollum. He had his own personal style, engaging personalities and was willing to commit. I like that.
Favorite quote: "Every once in a while I like to talk about dick." — my mother
Favorite food: Orphans, wait, what was the question? I mean tacos, yes tacos.
Notices first in a potential partner: I definitely notice a guy's smile first. It can lure you in and just make you want to smile back at them. Also if they're riding a unicycle, I find I want to know more.
// LESLIE KINSMAN