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ADD: (The Silent Distraction)
by Meghan Bainum, special to Jayplay
Attention Deficit Disorder, and its friend, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, are starting to be diagnosed in college-age men and women at a higher rate than in the past. Often thought of as a disease affecting mostly young boys, it is becoming clear that paying attention is a problem with no age limit. There are several specific signs to look out for.
First, for people with ADD or ADHD, even the most interesting subject matter cannot quite hold their attention long enough for them to gain true understanding. After all, it's easy to not pay attention to something boring, like an 8:30 a.m. class on the wonders of statistical analysis. Less-than-fascinating classes always seem to take place at an unholy early hour, before even God him or herself arises for the day. Most people can't even walk or talk straight before 9 or 10 a.m. at the earliest, much less be able to pay attention to some long-winded rambling lecture on the differences of rocks or how to solve differential equations. After all, is it even possible to solve differential equations, even under the best of conditions?
But sometimes it's the best of conditions that also make attention slip away like a snake under a rock. Snakes are always slithering around in the strangest of places. It would be so strange to be a snake, snaking around in the woods. It's interesting to think of whether poisonous snakes know they are poisonous, and if they have to be careful of somehow biting themselves. Say a poisonous snake bit its own tongue, would it be poisoned as well, or is there some kind of natural immunity? It would be so interesting to know what a snake was thinking about as it basked on a sunlit rock, enjoying the nice spring air, or maybe a snake doesn't really enjoy nice days like people — oh yeah — yet another reason why attention is sometimes hard to come by.
People on lovely, warm days (much like snakes) would probably rather be sunbathing on some toasty, warm rock than paying attention in class or at work. At least human beings don't have to be concerned with dying from biting their tongues. Yikes, that's something that'll get your attention — chomping down on a tender part of the mouth while eating is never fun. You know there have had to be instances where somebody has taken a chunk out of their own tongue or mouth just
photo illustrations: Amanda Kim Stairrett
because they weren't paying attention while chewing.
Which could probably be another sign of ADD or ADHD, if you think about it. For people who truly have attention problems, even simple things that require attention can go very wrong. Like, say someone with ADD or ADHD was getting dressed. Now, while someone without ADD would quickly go to the closet, select an outfit that looks suited for whatever activity is at hand, put it on, then go about their business, someone with true attention problems might end up wearing only one sock, or two different pairs of shoes, or a bathing suit with knee socks.
But it's impossible to tell just from looking at someone whether they truly suffer from any attentional problem, or if their style is just the latest trend from New York City or somewhere else equally as stylish. Especially now that everything seems so done, it's necessary to push it a little to be truly
So, as you can see, it's not always easy separating true ADD or ADHD from normal, everyday occurrences of snakes, knee socks and differential equations. While some people obviously suffer from attention problems, others are just caught in the normal, human experience of not always knowing exactly what is going on and just not caring enough to try and figure it out. Life is a constantly random thing with or without ADD. There's so much crazy stuff that goes down daily it's a wonder people focus as well as they do. With all the constant new
ahead of the fashion-trend pack. Knee socks with a bathing suit might just be what all the hip kids are wearing out to shows, and only that one very forward thinking person in Lawrence has that figured out.
Maybe in the future, style will be based on putting together totally random clothing items to evoke some sort of futuristic explorer-trendsetter personality, and nobody will be worried about things like matching or business-appropriate attire anymore. Then it'll be like the movie Blade Runner or something, with everybody totally doing their own thing. Knee socks might even be obsolete by then, after all.
experiences it is possible to have, maybe those with a short attention span have got it right, not wrong.
After all, there's a word for people who stay on task, do what they're supposed to do when they are supposed to do it, and are never unorganized or flighty. That word, folks, is boring.
Meghan Bainum can be reached at jayplay@kansan.com.
be reached at jayplay@kansan.com.
— Editor's note: This story is satire — April Fool's!
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