UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
Wednesday, July 24, 1996
5A
Royal marriage is no bloody fairy tale
Will the end of the royal marriage mean the end of our fascination with Princess Diana? Not bloody likely.
What is it about this particular royal that fascinates us? Quite simply, Lady Diana Spencer offered an irresistible combination. She seemingly was a shy, nice and lovely girl who happened to meet and marry her Prince Charming. That Charles turned into a frog and Diana didn't exactly transform into ideal Queen material doesn't matter. In fact, it simply turned the fairy tale into a delightfully trashy novel.
GUEST COLUMNS
Our interest in the Royal family didn't begin with Charles and Diana, but it certainly reached new heights. Millions watched enthralled when Lady Diana wed her prince in St. Paul's Cathedral. Their shy kiss on the balcony merely affirmed our belief that this was a match even Disney would have envied. And when Diana came through with the requisite "heir and a spare" in just three years, she proved her worth to the Royal Family.
A mere five years after the magical wedding, Charles was back to his old tricks with former flame Camilla Parker Bowles — the face only a man who has seen too much inbreeding could love. Not to be left out, Diana's riding lessons turned into an affair with Major James Hewitt. The plot thickened.
During the 10 years Charles and Diana immersed themselves in torment and trying again, the public's sentiments increasingly turned in favor of the Princess. While Charles spent months away from his children, Diana's devotion to parenting was chronicled. While the prince played polo and avoided the spotlight, the princess championed major charities and tangued with Travolta.
Even Diana's publicized blunders couldn't compare to Charles' indiscretions. In the battle of the nauseating phone conversations, Charles won hands down. After all, having a lover nickname you "Squidgy" is merely embarrassing. And wanting to impersonate a feminine hygiene product is downright revolting.
From peculiar to the outrageous,
there were plenty of scandals to attract our attention. So why did Charles and Diana captivate us?
Despite much evidence to the contrary, we just can't imagine that anyone with so much money and privilege can't find happiness. In America, most of us agree with Daffy Duck — "Consequences, schmonsequences, as long as I'm rich."
It confuses and fascinates us when money doesn't solve all problems.
Money could not save the marriage, but it finally did buy Prince Charles a divorce. Diana will receive a $26 million lump sum and plenty of other perks. Most of us think she deserves it. After all, if Shaq merits $55 million to play basketball, Diana should get fair compensation. If not for her work as a goodwill ambassador for Britain, then for raising two impressive children and one future king.
For the 15 years in which she has held center stage, Princess Diana showed us a personality that ran the gamut from petulance to graciousness, self-absorption to selflessness, childish antics to exemplary parenting. In other words, she's human. Unlike the chilly and often bizarre Prince Charles, Diana's mistakes generally have been forgivable and occasionally even endearing.
Fifteen years ago, we watched the fairy tale begin. Now that it has ended we can't help but hope for a bright future for Diana. Because even in a trashy novel, the princess lives happily ever after.
Leeanne Parsons Graduate student
You know, you're doing a great job reading this newspaper. Not everyone keeps up on current events. You're even taking the time to read the opinion page. I'm impressed. Keep up the good work!
Praise is priceless to its recipients
Doesn't a little positive recognition feel good? Such is the power of praise. It's something all of us could use more of.
Praising someone isn't the same as thanking someone, because thanking someone usually concerns you and what that person did for you. Thanking someone tends to go like this: "Thanks for helping me get that project done on time." Praise, on the other hand, puts the spotlight on someone else's accomplishments. Praising someone goes more like this: "You did an outstanding job on that project, especially given our time constraints." See the difference?
In addition, we often depend on praise substitutes like gold stars, good grades, pay raises, bonuses and awards, but these can't take the place of praise. We also tend to assume that people know they've done a good job and that they are appreciated. This may be true sometimes, but just knowing isn't enough.
That's because praise is about being valued by the people around you. And being valued is connected to being liked. In childhood, we yearn for praise from our parents, our friends, our teachers. We learn that what we do reflects who we are. If we do something well, we want to hear from those around us that we have succeeded. If we know we are valued by others, we come to value ourselves.
Praise's powerful influence continues into adulthood. Unfortunately, praise is a rare commodity for children and adults. We should try to make praise a more commonplace. Here are some rules of thumb to help in that quest:
Avoid passionless praise. If you don't really mean it, the praise is pointless.
Praise given in private, from one person to another, often seems more special than public announcements of praise. Maybe this is because the person giving private praise is not doing so to improve his own image to onlookers.
Consider making your praise permanent by writing it down. Recently, a supervisor in my workplace wrote me a note telling me I had done a terrific job putting together a newsletter. She decorated it with cheesy cartoon stickers reminiscent of the teachers plastered on my homework in grade school. Not only did the supervisor boost my ego, but I have her praise in writing whenever I need a reminder that I'm
Avoid the urge of offering qualified praise. If the report was great, but had an error, bring up the error later. Otherwise, the person you're praising will probably obsess about the error and miss the praise altogether. Constructive criticism is fine, but praise succeeds best in its purest form.
doing a good job.
Don't lavish an empty compliment on someone. This dilutes the value of true praise. Sometimes praise is at a premium for a reason.
To determine if praise is called for, ask yourself a simple question: Are someone's actions commendable? If the answer is yes, pour on some praise.
We should make every effort to praise the people in our lives when they deserve it.
Let them know they are valued. A little praise doesn't cost us anything. But it can be priceless to the person who receives it.
Amy Southerland Graduate student
Persistence turns dreams to reality
When I missed a fourth opportunity to leave Russia to study in the United States, my friend told me about a theory which later brought success to my life.
"Look, I believe that if you missed your train, it was not really your train. You will catch another one later," he said.
I gave him a look of disbelief.
He continued, "I mean that if you miss your chance to go to the States today, you will get there in the future.
"Let's take my life for example," he said. "Two years ago I divorced my first wife. But later I met another woman, and now I am happily married."
"Marriage does not count," I said.
"OK, here is another story," he said. "You know that I am a postcard collector. Once, I desperately needed a card to complete a set. It took me months to track down the man who had such a card. But I simply could not afford his asking price. But on the next day, a friend of mine told me that he had the card I needed. He even offered it to me as a gift," he said.
My friend's story made me hope-
1.
And I needed some hope. Five years earlier I had made my first effort to go to a U.S. journalism school. Unfortunately, I failed a critical examination. A year later I passed the exam, but did not survive the interview process.
The next year I passed the test and succeeded in the interview, but the school to which I applied declined my application. Then I decided to apply to a dozen schools. Three schools accepted me, but I did not find money to cover the expenses.
Eight months later, I learned about USIA grants for graduate study in the United States. I filled out the necessary documents and turned them in. On my dad's birthday, I received a phone call: I had received the grant, and the University of Kansas had accepted me.
I finally caught my train.
Size does matter bulk buying is bliss
Aleksei Zhuravliev Graduate student
If shopping can be considered a religious experience, then I have been to the mountain. This past weekend, I skipped the regular retail areas, bypassed the malls and grocery stores and went straight to bulk-item nirvana.
The outside didn't offer any signs that this was a special place. But that's by design. This place is for members only. That was clear to me as the double doors parted and everyone flashed photo IDs. I was fortunate to be with an authorized member.
This was my first pilgrimage to a warehouse. It never occurred to me that someone who has no children, doesn't own a restaurant or drive a minivan would find bulk-shopping bliss.
Judging from the two-story high industrial shelves stacked floor to ceiling, this was the place to shop for mass quantities. Here they measured things in bushels, not boxes.
There were no signposts in the aisles to direct you to specific product categories. You had to look for goods on faith or at least
try to comprehend the bizarre logic that went into the merchandising. I found it disconcerting that stacks of 36-roll toilet paper sat next to racks of Pirelli tires. But that pairing was no worse than others. If you were in the market for a compressor or a wheeled creeper, both could be found in the aisle with popcorn poppers and drinking glasses.
Beyond the shelves of durable goods, past the soda vending machines — for sale, not for quenching thirst — this bastion of bulk boasted a sizable frozen-food section. If you've ever wondered how many cuts there are of chicken, there are nine. I'm not sure which parts are used, but it appears nothing is wasted.
As we checked out, I kept looking for a bagger, or someone to pack our plunder.
"They don't make bags that big, sir," the kind checker told me as he pointed to a 7-feet-tall cage full of box bottoms. As we loaded my items, I developed this overwhelming feeling that I needed to justify my bulk purchases to our cashier. "Yes, I do need five gallons of Pine Sol. I like to keep a clean house." We finished loading our boxes and headed for the door.
Just one more stop — Checkpoint Charlie, I call it. You don't leave this place until your receipt is punched. Makes sense. As the young guy glanced at my receipt, he eyed the enormous package of Tums listed at the top. Easy to explain, I said. "You see, I'm in publishing."
Enough said.
I'm a changed man since I experienced the benefits of bulk. Will I make the trek again? Yes, with great fervor.
But I'm still at a loss about one thing. Just how many ways are there to use crountons when you cook? Maybe I'll be enlightened on my next pilgrimage. But I suspect a bushel leaves room for a lot of experimentation.
Glenn K. Warning Graduate student
These guests columns were submitted by students from Professor John Ginn's Editorial and Interpretive Writing class, held this summer at the Regents Center.
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