So you didn't meet Mr. or Ms. Right
You're graduating and you still haven't met that perfect man. Or any man (or woman) for that matter. Have no fear you're not alone. According to the Statistical Abstract of the United States: 1994, you have forty-two million single people to choose from still
For some college graduates, dating life blossoms after they find their social niche in the work force. For instance, my brother, Tom, has dated two women at the same time consistently since he received his undergraduate degree. Sometimes it takes a new city or
In my high school and college dating adventures, I've resolved a few things before entering the world of paid work.
Alice Yeo
workplace to find someone with similar enough interests to spark a relationship.
The first decision I've made is to not ask men out. For me, this presents a challenge. I love risk. The most ballys dating endeavor of my life was asking out Joel O'Laughlin when he didn't even know my name. He just seemed like the perfect combination of John Lennon and James Taylor — wire-rimmed specs and long brown hair, a sweet smile and a soft voice.
school. We had met briefly that weekend at a party. He answered the door with a confused Jook. I introduced myself and asked him out for D'Bronx pizza. He accepted. We talked for two hours and that was the end. I've always wondered why he never called.
I knocked on his door on a chilly, fall afternoon during my junior year of high
My brother, Tom, and I were discussing the possibilities. He commented that when a woman asks a man out, it challenges the male dating role. Instead of offering the options and finzing a "yes,"
men simply give a
response. My brother think this takes away the adrenaline rush and the challenge that accompanies asking a woman out. This may sound sexist, but I've found some realities in life are not politically correct. I'm keeping his advice in mind.
flirting a lot, laughing at some jokes that aren't funny and perfecting the combination hair-flip with the giggle from the movie About Last Night.
Occasionally asking a man out feels empowering and helps me sympathize with men who do most of the asking.
When guys ask me out it seems to reduce role confusion and tension from the start. To avoid asking men out, I've resorted to
These tactics are supposed to make me more approachable to most men. They also keep me from taking too much control and becoming a dominatrix.
Another change I've made is to let the guy make the first move. Also a hard change for me because I get frustrated around the third date if nothing has happened. My most memorable first date move was when my high school sweetheart, Doug, was dropping me off from our third date. He hadn't kissed me
yet, and I was getting trigger-happy for a kiss.
On the first date, he brought flowers, took me to an intimate Italian cafe, and we had an unusually comfortable time. When he hadn't kissed me two dates later, I thought maybe he needed a little encouragement. As I pulled away from the good-night hug, my eyes focused on his lips like the zoom lens of a Nikon cam-
era.I gave him the big kiss.
But wait. Something was amiss. He looked dazed, bewildered. I felt panic-stricken. What was wrong? Too much tongue? Not enough? These are questions I'm sure guys ask in junior high, but I'm a virgin first-kisser here.
A peck might have worked, and the serious kiss yielded the response, "My! Aren't we forward tonight!" So I calmly said good night and cowered my way inside, not really knowing how else to respond to his rejection.
He brought a La Bonne Bouché raspberry muffin (my favorite) to my work the next day in apology. We dated for three months. Nonetheless, I learned guys may feel threatened with such an advance without any previous nonverbal warning. I've revised my tactic: make the pass, but let him make the play.
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld took a positive approach on the differences between men and women and the lack of understanding in relationships.
In his book Seinposts, he wrote, "I believe we're all secretly happy that we can't figure relationships out. It keeps our minds working. I think we have to be grateful for the one thing in our lives that keeps us from being totally focused on eating."
Alice Yee is a Prairie Village senior in magazine Journalism.
15
Graduation
May 1996 The Hill