that they inherited from their parents. They're trying to teach right from wrong based on what they were taught.
Sometimes there's a generation gap of expectations. It's up to children to figure out which rules and values apply to him. If a woman wants to dress like her mother, she should listen to her mother's advice on how to dress. If the woman creates her own style, she should make sure that it is a true reflection of who she is, not a rebellion against a parental value.
Other role models are just as important as parental models for value development. Nadeau said you have to figure out who your role models are and evaluate what you do and don't admire about them. No one role model will have everything you need, but the sum of these parts will provide a strong base for what will make you feel happy about who you are and what you accomplish.
Since childhood, Siri Vik, Eugene, Ore., junior has grappled with the voices in her head that repeat mean-spirited remarks her mom made about her appearance.
The most cutting remark Vik remembers her mother saying was, "You're so much prettier than all your friends, but no one can see that because you sabotage yourself by not keeping thin."
Vik copes by focusing on her opera singing.
"Being a big person and being an opera singer go hand in hand," she said.
Many parents say mean-spirited things. Usually they're unaware of the impact of harsh criticisms. The bottom line is that it's up to you to get rid of the childhood voices and replace them with positive reinforcement from other sources. Look at your parents' positive contributions to
Many parents say mean-spirited things. Usually they're unaware of the impact of harsh criticisms.
your self-esteem and values instead of picking apart their parenting.
Step 3: Your own approval counts most.
Learn to approve of yourself. Define what you are proud of based on both achievements and your personal qualities. Develop the ability to make your own decisions and opinions count more than anyone else's, including your parents.
"Compliments can be helpful, but they'll never be enough unless you set your own standards," DeSalvo said. A part of self-approval is learning to accept, take responsibility for, and even enjoy your mistakes.
Also admit your defeats. This starts the process of feeling assured in the choices you make and having the ability to learn from mistakes.
This rite of passage into adulthood takes time. It takes courage to break away from unfulfilled parental expectations and consider them void. Graduation is the jumping off point. Inevitably, self-evaluation becomes part of the process. It can be rough trying to show your parents that you don't love them less, you're just learning to love yourself.
The University Daily Kansan would like to congratulate all the 1996 graduates and wish them Good Luck in the Future!