. £9
---
1. (a) $2x - 3y = 8$
(b) $5x + 6y = 9$
(c) $-4x + 7y = 10$
2. (a) $2x - 3y = 8$
(b) $5x + 6y = 9$
(c) $-4x + 7y = 10$
3. (a) $2x - 3y = 8$
(b) $5x + 6y = 9$
(c) $-4x + 7y = 10$
2
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Attitudes have changed since your parents set up house. Many students are living together before they say
ore they say "I do."
"When people know that you are responsible and doing the things you need to do to make a life for yourself, they really don't care as much."
T
his year Tanya Rose, Garden City senior,
has only one hair dryer, one
curling iron, one tooth brush
and one address.
It was a welcome change from the dual life she had been living for two years. Officially, she lived at Jayhawker Towers with three roommates, but unofficially, she lived with her boyfriend off-campus.
"The fact that I didn't like my roommates very much made it easier to stay at my boyfriend's," Rose said. "My stuff just sort of migrated over there to his apartment."
However, her Catholic parents were not too happy about her living with her boyfriend. After getting a ticket one morning because her car tags had expired, she had to explain to her parents why her car was parked outside her boyfriend's apartment at 6 a.m.
"They had to know that I stayed over there," Rose said. "They would call me there and they even mailed things to me there, but they told everyone I lived at the towers."
"When people know that you are responsible and
Rose's parents are tolerant of girlfriend living with their boyfriends. They just are uneasy with their daughter living with her boyfriend Still, they've accepted it. Rose said.
But when Rose's boyfriend spent the summer in New York, her parents said it would be all right if she moved into his apartment for the summer so he wouldn't lose his lease. She never left.
Many people, however, react to the idea of unmarried couples living together the way Rose's parents have. As an idea, it may seem wrong. But when it comes down to the people we know, own ourselves, the sting of "living in sin" seems to lose its edge.
Tanya Rose Garden City senior
"They've kind of realized that this is the 90s and their friends' kids have done worse." she said.
But among friends it is no secret.
Rose knows not everyone would agree with her decision. When meeting people for the first time, she avoids telling them that she lives with her boyfriend, because she is afraid they will make assumptions about her. Even if it is the 90s, not everyone agrees that living together out of wedlock is the right thing to do.
Story by Heather Kirkwood
doing the things you need to do to make a life for yourself, they really don't care as much," Rose said. "People who know you realize that you're not just evil. They are much more understanding."
Yet understanding and acceptance are not the same thing.
For people like Lanny Maddux, campus minister with Campus Christians, living out of wedlock is a sin.
"My job isn't to condemn people, it's to help them," Maddux said. "If people don't want to do what God says is right and good, then they will just have to wait and see."
Maddux said the Bible is very clear on the subject.
"God's design is for one man and one woman to commit to each other, one on one."
Variations on this theme have happened throughout history, but they don't change what God's plan is for us, Maddux said.
But Maddux had other reasons for thinking twice about the idea of living with another person.
Besides emotional consequences, Maddux said there were consequences for the rest of society.
"It's that kind of commitment that makes a society stable," Maddux said. "No commitment destroys the foundation of society."
"Psychologists and marriage counselors talk about the consequences of giving yourself to someone that is not going to be a life partner — the one that you will stand by when they are sick or well, children or none, rich or poor." Maddux said.
Students these days are sharing more than ice cream.
"If people don't want to do what God says is right and good, then they will just have to wait and see."
Maddux realizes many people are questioning the meaning of marriage in an age where so many marriages go awry and he urges couples to seek out good examples to emulate. "Look at happy marriages and happy families and decide to make the best of your life and give the best to the one you say you love," Maddux said. "It may be hard, it may cost, may cause pain, but it is worth it."
Lanny Maddux Campus Christians minister
Elizabeth Ring, Leawood junior, said she spends a lot of time with her boyfriend, but living with him is out. Although she has dated him for three years
out. Although she has dated him for three years and they plan to get married one day, their
families would never be able to handle the idea.
Even so, Ring says she spends a lot of time with her boyfriend doing everything from grocery shopping to cleaning — in short, playing house. Yet living together is a big step.
"Part of the change you go through when you get married, no matter how much time you have spent together, is all of those final adjustments, having to get used to the other person," Ring said, adding that it didn't necessarily have anything to do with religion or public perception.
Scott Sumi, Topeka graduate student, would agree. Although he has never lived with anyone, he would consider it.
For him, issues of right or wrong are strictly between the people involved and commitment is a matter of love, not legality.
"I don't hold the level of commitment and marriage as being the same thing," Sumi said. "As a social construct,
the institution of marriage isn't that important to me. Commitment can be obtained without it." Sumi said that in the world he had grown up in, marriage no longer was a guarantee that someone is committed.
Instead, it's what is in the heart that counts.
The arrangement has worked out well for Rose, who says she wouldn't mind living with her boyfriend even if they weren't involved.
"He's fun to live with," she said.
Living with a boyfriend has involved fewer tensions than living with roommates for Rose.
"If I'm on the phone and he wants me to get off, he tells me instead of just sitting there and getting mad like female roommates would do," she said. "A lot of couples don't get along as well after they move in together, but for us it's been great."
As for Rose's parents, they are coping with the situation. Neither of them have said anything to Rose, but she knows how they feel about things.
"At first I just wanted them to like it and be happy, but I've learned to be okay with the fact that they tolerate it," she said. "I don't think it bothers them anymore."
Rose said she is very committed to her boyfriend and that they plan to stay together, although they have put off marriage.
Both are planning to go on to graduate school and they have tried to find places where both can attend the best possible program, but it isn't easy. For a while, there will be some distance between them while they finish school.
"It isn't that we aren't committed," Rose said. "It's just that right now it wouldn't be very practical, but we still want to live together."
But Rose said the situation isn't right for many couples. Her advice to others: be sure you know each other very well first.
Rose knew her boyfriend for four years before they started dating. They dated for a year before she moved in to his apartment.
"Be sure you're not going to get tired of it in two months. Know that you are going to be there, that it isn't just going to be a fling thing." Rose said.
April 26,1996
Tonight
Hilltopics
Blues Jam with Benito, Doug and friends, 10 p.m. at Full Moon Cafe, 803 Massachusetts. Free.
KJHK Farmers Ball, 8 p.m. at The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire.
KJHK Farmers Ball, 8 p.m. at The Bottleneck.
Tomorrow
LA Ramblers with Zuba, 9 p.m. at The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts. Cost: $4-$5.
Monday
Darrel Lea and Megan Hurt, 10 p.m. at Full Moon Cafe.Free.
Monday
Open Mike, 8 p.m. at The Bottleneck. Free. Tuesday
The Switch with Goodpuss, 9 p.m. at The Bottleneck. Cost: $3-$4.
Page 8A
Thursday
Jackopierce with Sean Kelly, lead singer of the Samples, 9 p.m. at The Granada. Advance Tickets: $12.
Jazzbo with Brian Hicks and Sweet Feet, 8 p.m. at Full Moon Cafe. Free.
1
WTCS Benefit, the are Battered Women's Shelter, with Means to an End, TV Fifty with Contortion Horse, 9 p.m. at The Bottleneck.
Cost: $5-$6.