ANIMAL ABUSE Northern Illinois U.
QUICKIES ILLUSTRATIONS BY SHIN KAO. IL OF C
Is smacking a lovable, fuzzy cartoon socially acceptable? Apparently not, but that didn't stop an NIU student from decking Tony the Tiger during a theme night in the dining hall. The disgruntled cerealeater popped the parading puss in the face and knocked the head sideways, according to witnesses. Fortunately, the force of the blow did not hurt the woman inside the costume, but a witness to the crime says Tony "hunted the guy down for a while" and "was swearing a lot." What's next? Wrestling Cap'n Crunch?
Both Seth Nore and Ian Walsh were running for the coveted position of president of the Carolina Athletic Association. Both were able candidates, and both stood behind strong platforms. Both had loyal followings, and both were prepared to do the best job possible. Both also ended the campaign with 1,565 votes. The unfathomable electoral gridlock had to be resolved in a runoff, which Nore won by almost 100 votes. But Walsh did walk away with a lovely runner-up gift - a necktie. Students didn't seem very interested in the outcome. In fact, they had what you might call a six of one, half dozen of the other attitude about it.
FIT TO BE TIED U. of North Carolina
CLASSMATE Millikin U., III.
Would you actually show up to
class if the syllabus said "chess day" on the class schedule. Yeah, right! Who ever thought that playing chess would be a course requirement? No, this isn't a class on gaming. It's a business class. A professor of management-information systems at Millikin requires chess as a brain teaser of sorts. He says it's great for honing analytical skills and that the students
DOG-GONE IT U. of New Mexico
A burglar's booty doesn't drink from the toilet. Well, OK, in this case, maybe it does. At UNM, campus police report No. 96-295 listed an unusual, but furry, theft. Type of item stolen: dog. Make: female. Model: Chihuahua. The $250 Chihuahua, along with a purse and jacket, were swiped from a car parked at the UNM hospital. There are no suspects in the canine caper. However McGriff the Crime Dog
er, McGruff the Crime Dog urges anyone with information in the puppy pilferage to come forward and "take a bite out of crime."
really like the chess games imagine that. In fact, he says, one student liked it so much she went out and bought herself a chessboard. Guess she's not planning to be a pawn in the corporate world.
KEEP YOUR CHIN UP Loyola U., III.
Jay Leno not scholarly enough? C'mon really? That's what students at Loyola U. said when they heard administrators had invited the late-night host to speak at the university's 125th anniversary celebration in September. A spokesperson for Loyola said the students felt the university should have someone more "cerebral" than a talk show host/comedian. Leno backed out of the engagement when he heard about the complaints and issued a statement saying he would gladly accept any speaking offers from the school in the future.
MOVE OVER, BABE Southwest Texas U.
In 1994, Southwest Texas purchased an aquatic theme park located near campus. Now the park is being converted into a nonprofit extension of the campus. That means students must say a teary goodbye to the park's featured attraction
"When pigs swim," replied the higher-ups.
— Ralph the swimming pig. Ralph had to put his curly tail between his legs and plod off to muddier pastures. A recent exchange between irate students and iron-fisted bureaucrats has raised new hope. "Will we ever have the aquatic park back?" cried the students.
HOT HEAD Northeastern U., Mass.
Sounds a little urban myth-y to us, but check this out: Northeastern student goes to the grocery store on an unusually hot day. In the parking lot, student notices an older woman sitting in a car with the window up, holding her hands behind her head. After an hour of shopping, student leaves the store and sees woman still sitting in the car, still holding her head and majorly sweating. Student asks woman if she needs some help. "Yes, I have been shot in the back of the head, and I'm holding my brains in," woman says. Student calls an ambulance. When EMTs remove woman's hands, they discover that her "brains" are actually a piece of dough shot from a Pillsbury dough can that exploded in the back seat. Very hot and confusing day.
BUG PIE U. of California, Davis
You'd send your pizza back at most restaurants if you discovered it had bugs on it, right? Well in the UC, Davis, Entomology 111 class, you'd likely send it back if it didn't. Andy McClelland's students partake of the crunchy cuisine as part of their "bug feast" while they study the effect insects have on humans. We know, we can imagine a few of the effects ourselves, but McClelland says bugs are actually on the menu in countries around the globe. In addition to pizza, the daring student- chefs are also bugging their brownies, cookies and spinach quiche. But what do you use to wash it down? Bug Light?
BIRD IS THE WORD Georgia Institute of Technology
Each spring, college campuses are caught up in the fervor of elections for student body
president. We at U. Magazine monitor all the races and choose the man or woman we think would best serve any university. Our criteria for president is onefold: You
must have the weirdest name of any candidate. This year's unanimous winner hails from the Georgia Institute of Technology, and his name is: (drum roll please) BIRD BLITCH. We'll understand if you don't believe us, but that's honestly his name. Congratulations, Bird. For your efforts we will provide you with some slogans: Let's Give This Town the Bird, He's Fly Like a Bird, or the ever-popular Life's a Blitch.
POISON IVY
Princeton U.
James Hogue wants to be an Ivy Leaguer reeally bad. So bad that even after being kicked out of Princeton
five years ago for using a false identity to gain acceptance, he returned again with a brand spanking new false name. In February 1996, a grad student who recognized Hogue blew the whistle when he saw him in the campus computer center. The 36-year-old con man had finaled $22,000 in financial aid from Princeton back in 1989 by claiming to be a self-educated orphan from the West. The jig was up when a Yale U. student spotted him running in a track meet in 1991 and remembered him from high school in California. To make matters worse, five months after he was paroled, Hogue was back in the slammer for stealing $50,000 worth of gems from a Harvard U. museum. Who needs a resumé when you've got a rap sheet?
VANDEMONIUM U. of Kansas
Kansas senior Rob Grondahl wanted to make his Volkswagen van stick out from the rest. So, he decided to paint it like the beloved Mystery Machine driven by everyone's favorite cartoon sleuths, the Scooby Doo gang. And he would've gotten away with it, too, if a couple of meddling kids hadn't come to town. "OK, Shaggy, take off his mask and we'll see who this Grondahl character really is. Zoinks! It's Mr. Thompson, the crotchety old man who runs the abandoned mine." Scooby snacks all around.
MAIL CALL
Depraved U., USA
Internet users have been filling Anna Nicole Smith's mailbox regularly. Since her Web site (http://www.annalive.com) debuted late last year, the buxom beauty's cybercups overflow with several million hits per month — mainly from collegiate computer users. The top 15 colleges — by volume — sending e-mail to the former Playboy Playmate of the Year are: U. of Texas, Austin; Texas A&M U.; U. of Kentucky; U. of Massachusetts, Amherst; U. of North Carolina, Chapel Hill; Duke U.; U. of Tennessee; U. of Michigan; U. of Iowa; U. of Georgia, Athens; U. of Maryland; Florida State U.; U. of Florida; North Carolina State U.; and U. of Pittsburgh. Don't deny it guys (well, maybe girls, too). You know who you are.
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U. Magazine - May 1996