April 22,1996
Hilltopics
Page 8A
Standing UP to the HIV virus
Jim West is earning a degree. He is reaching out to the community And he is living every day with the virus that causes AIDS.
im West knows how he wants his funeral to be.
"I want them to be walking and gnashing their teeth and crying," said the Oklahoma City senior. "I want it all."
However, West, who has been HIV-positive since 1992, does not think much about when and how he'll die. He simply acknowledges that nobody can avoid death.
"It's no big secret," he said. "We're all going to die. A lot of people deny that."
Instead of thinking about death, West focuses on life. He said the infection has made him realize that graduation was important to him. West will walk down the Hill with the School of Architecture graduates in May. After graduation his goal is to get licensed and start the construction on his first building.
Before that June day in 1992 when West found out he was HIV-positive, he did not set his priorities clearly.
"I guess I did not consciously think about what was important," he said. "I took most things for granted."
West's positive attitude did not come easily.
When the nurse at the Douglas County Health Department in Lawrence Memorial Hospital told him about the positive test results, his first impulse was to grab the vase of flowers from the desk and throw it at the wall.
"I wanted something to hurt as much as I did," he said. "Every single emotion I think I am capable of producing came out in a split second."
The nurse stopped West's hand from reaching for the vase, but she couldn't stop
him from thinking that his life was finished. "The first thing I focused on was that I'm going to die." he said.
him from thinking that his life was finished.
West was able to relate to his dying friend, but he knows from testing that he did not contract the HIV virus from him.
West got the virus from a different partner in 1992. They were using protection even though West's partner had said he was negative.
But the condom broke on Feb. 12, 1992. West's partner never admitted to being HIV-positive, even after West had tested positive. The relationship ended when friends told West that his partner, in fact, had been HIV-positive.
It was his first day of vacation, and he drove home to Oklahoma City. The drive usually takes West 5 1/2 hours. This time, it took 8 1/2 hours.
"My friend looked at me and said," You look like you've just seen a ghost," West said, "and I said 'I think I have.'"
West did not see his old partner again until last spring break at a Los Angeles bar.
"I was laughing and crying." West said.
"Everything went through my mind."
But the condom broke on Feb. 12, 1992
West did not think he knew any HIV-positive people. When he arrived in Oklahoma City, though, he learned that a friend he had dated in high school was sick. Two days later, West's friend died from complications of AIDS.
"It was really tough," West said. "Partly because I saw what he was like in the later stages. I knew I could be him in a couple of years."
CONTRACTING THE VIRUS
West's old partner pretended not to see West at first. That meeting awoke the anger again, and had there been a butter knife on the bar, it might have ended up between his old partner's shoulder blades, West said. Fortunately, there was no knife.
When West told his mother that he was HIV-positive, she did not react as West had wanted her to.
"The first thing she said was, 'Don't make me cry in front of your stepdad,'" he said.
That reaction made West walk out of the house and not come back for six months.
"My mom and I are the closest friends, West said. "She walks on water."
"I walked away the better person," West said. "I honestly still believe that between the two of us, I walked away the better person."
Being HIV-positive has made West more honest in romantic relationships.
But it took time to rebuild the relationship.
"Before there's even a kiss, I will tell them," he said. "I was infected in a very dishonest manner, and I don't ever want to put anybody in that position."
West has dated a couple of people since he has been infected. His current relationship is going well, he said.
HIV also changed West's sex life
West said that what he used to think sex was, actually had been only the tip of the iceberg. He said he had learned to be more creative.
TELLING HIS FAMILY
"The best reaction I've ever had was just: 'So?'" West said. "I want people to treat me like it doesn't matter."
"She changed, and I changed during that time," West said. "I had to quit be selfish and understand her point of view. Her youngest son had been diagnosed with a chronic illness."
West's infection doesn't matter to Heiddi Kohtz, York, Neb., senior. She and West have been friends since 1990.
For West, testing positive means always sweating and having swollen lymph glands. He wonders if every cold he gets will be the
GETTING THE MOST FROM LIFE
West's sister, however, reacted differently.
"She didn't believe me," West said. "She thought I was lying."
West's sister thought he was playing a game they used to play as kids, where one sibling tried to make the other believe lies. It took West half an hour to convince her that this was not a game. When she realized he was telling the truth, she was supportive.
People respond differently when they hear about West's infection. He considers himself lucky; he has not been rejected yet by anybody because of it.
"She is a nurse," he said. "I guess that nursing mentality kicked in. She told me she'd take care of me."
"I never think about him having HIV, except for when he gets sick," she said. "His personality just keeps everyone from worrying. He is so full of life."
beginning of the end.
"I go to the doctor every time I sneeze," West said. "I've gotten very serious about my health care."
His seriousness results in expensive medical bills. He used to pay $300 for insurance a month. When he asked for $3,000 to cover his expenses during first spring he was HIV-positive, the company gave him $27. West then canceled his insurance.
West said he counted on having a job with an insurance plan by the time he got really sick. He said he did not plan on telling his future employer that he was HIV-positive.
"There's no need for them to know," he said.
HIV has made West stop depriving himself of any food he wants to eat.
"If I want to eat three hamburgers in a day, I am going to," he said. "Because I think a good mental attitude helps."
But there are difficult moments despite West's positive attitude. Seeing 18 friends die of complications of AIDS during the last three and a half years has taken its toll.
West smashes china to get through those moments.
"I'll take a couple of tea cups and smash them on the patio and everything seems better," he said. "It helps. At least I'm not hurting anybody, I guess."
West has never been secretey about his illness. He has been involved with the Douglas County AIDS Project, and he gives class presentations at the University and other schools.
"I believe that if I can prevent just one person from becoming HIV-positive, then I will think that I am successful," he said. "I want more, but one makes me successful."
STORY BY SUSANNA LÖÖF
PHOTOS BY MATT FLICKNER
(Top) Jim West stands in front of Epperson House on the University of Missouri-Kansas City campus. It houses an architecture studio operated jointly by the University of Kansas, Kansas State University and UMKC. (Above and above right) West works in his studio in Epperson House.
APRIL IS AIDS
AWARENESS
MONTH:
Douglas County AIDS Project annual meeting will be at 7:30 p.m. tomorrow at the auditorium in the Lawrence Public Library, 707 Vermont St.
Campus Information Day will be Wednesday.
Dennis Dailey, professor of social welfare, will speak from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Thursday at the auditorium in the Lawrence Public Library. The lecture is entitled The Impact of AIDS on Sexuality and Relationships: Straight, Gay, Bisexual, Youna, Old, Black, White.
The sixth annual Walk for Health will be at 10 a.m. Saturday at South Park, 1100 block of Massachusetts Street. Registration will begin at 9 a.m.
AIDS awareness month is sponsored by the Douglas County AIDS Project, Student Senate and United Way.
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