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Friday, April 19, 1996
UN I V E R S I T Y D A I L Y K A N S A N
A woman's Place: briefcases, babies or both?
Heather McKinney, left, is earning her degree in civil engineering, a field that is 96 percent male dominated. Her mother, Janis McKinney, raised a family and then went back to school for a degree.
Continued from Page 1A.
When Barba was 20 she didn't have a burning desire to be a corporate success. It was the success of a family that appealed to Tori's mother.
"I was never really career minded," Barbra says. "I was an average high school student, and college really wasn't pushed on me. Back then it was like, 'Girls, graduate from high school. Get a job. Fall in love. Get married. Have children.' I guess I followed the path that was mapped out for me."
Barbra was married at 19, had Tori when she was 22 and Adrienne when she was 24. She stayed home with her girls while her husband started a company. And with the money he brought home, she kept a clean house, made dinner and reaped the rewards of a close family.
But Barbra understands that she was lucky. Not all marriages last, and not all families can survive on one income. For these reasons she pushed both girls to go to college.
"If my husband were to die, or to leave me, I would be doing clerical work or working at the mall," Barbra says. "I did not want that for my children. I wanted them to have the parachute that I didn't."
But like her mother, Adrienne chose to marry and start her family early. Between washing clothes and preparing for baby, Adrienne is trying to construct her parachute. But classes at Johnson County Community College and part-time work are starting to discourage her.
"I would love to be a stay-at-home-mom — a homemaker," Adrienne says with certainty. "That's what my mother did, and that's what my grandmother did. I think it takes a lot for a woman to be one."
Tori wants both a career and a family — not a parachute. She saves she needs the challenge.
Barbra breaks in and argues, "Raising a family is a challenge. Tori."
"For myself, I need some kind of major goals," Tori explains, looking down at the pile of clothes that Adrienne has just finished folding. "I want a challenge outside of the home."
Tori says, "I'm choosing what I want to do. I'm not saying my choice is superior."
She has made a conscious choice to work and raise a family. Tori knows the problems she will face being a mother and having a career, but she can't bring herself to choose between the two — nor does she think she should have to.
Changing times
"I think women, men and corporations have to think about what it means for a woman to take a career."
During the past 25 years the female work force has undergone dramatic changes. The rising cost of living has made two incomes a necessity for many American families.And with the number of single-
Sandra Albrecht, director of women's studies
parent families on the rise, women find that it is almost impossible to stay home — especially after tasting the fruits of both worlds.
According to a report released by the Graduate School of Management at the University of California at Los Angeles and the executive search firm Korn/Ferry International, today's average working woman is 44 years old and married, with children.
Clearly our mothers have fought to make significant gains in their professional and personal lives, but they know the price their daughters will pay. Like a candle burning at both ends, women find that juggling work and family has them burned out. And with little help from employers and deep-rooted stereotypes of men's and women's roles in the family, college women are discovering that the burden of choice still falls on the woman.
Sandra Albrecht, director of women's studies at the University of Kansas, says college-age women shouldn't have to make all of the sacrifices. A family is everybody's responsibility.
"I think women, men and corporations have to think about what it means for a woman to take a career," Albrecht says. "The women are having to put it all together. Women believe that it is their personal problem that they have to deal with. My question is: Why isn't it society's problem?"
Although Congress has passed bills such as the Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993, women still find that they have to make the most sacrifices — not only leaving work to have a baby, but taking care of that baby once they return to work.
The Family and Medical Leave Act allows workers who have been employed for one year and have worked at least 1,250 hours to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave in any 12-month period for the birth or adoption of a child. Under the act, employees must be restored to the original or equivalent position with equivalent benefits and salary on their return to work.
But for most families, the Act is unrealistic.
"I support it 150 percent," Albrecht says. "But let's put it in this perspective: Most young families can't afford not to work."
Adrienne Lallo, working mother and representative for Hallmark Cards, says both men and women deserve a career as well as a successful family, if that is what they chose to do.
And choosing where to do it makes a big difference.
Voted seven out of 10 years to 'Working Mother's Hundred Best Places to Work' list, Hallmark has become a safe haven for parents who are dedicated to both work and family.
"I think we are really fortunate here at Hallmark," Lallo says. "Three hundred children are born to Hallmark employees each year."
Lallo says that Hallmark Cards has implemented a number of programs to help not only working mothers, but also working fathers juggle both baby and briefcase.
These programs include: break break counseling seminars on children's issues, seminars on parenting and marital stress, daycare referrals and take-home dinners for parents working late.
Lallo said she and her six-year-old son had taken advantage of many programs offered at Hallmark Cards, and she doesn't understand why more companies don't offer programs to help working parents juggle their responsibilities.
Setting priorities
"I think there are a number of super easy programs a corporation can implement," she says.
"I've always wanted to get married and have a family. I just don't see it happening."
Ericka Morris, Lawrence sophomore
Some mothers have waited for years to finish raising children and start a career. After 25 years and four children, Sharon Morris, Lawrence sophomore, has gone back to school.
Both Sharon and her 22-year-old daughter, Ericka, study at the University. Ericka, Lawrence sophomore, is studying to be a teacher — something Sharon has always wanted to do. Sharon isn't sure what she wants to study. She says she is too old to start a teaching career.
Erica is doing what she thinks is expected of her generation. She is going to school first because at this point in her own life, Ericka is thinking about her career.
"I've always wanted to get married and have a family," Ericka says. "I just don't see it happening. I would like to, but I'm not holding my breath. It's hard enough for me to juggle my work and my school and the other things I want to do."
But Ericka knows that if she does get married and decides to have children, the burden of balancing both will lie on her shoulders.
Her mother has been where Ericka is going. Sharon has raised two girls and two boys. She has dedicated her life to her husband and family; now she's trying to dedicate some time to herself.
"When I graduated high school I had a year of college in Eureka, Ill., and I met my husband," Sharon said. "Then I got married my freshman year and started to have children right away. Back then you still had the option of getting married and staying home, which was what I kind of thought I was going to do."
And after doing the family thing, Sharon is trying to pick up where she left off more than 25 years ago. "With a little less confidence and a little less creativity," Sharon says, laughing.
Instead of waiting like her mother did, Ericka will follow her career goals first. She will earn a teaching degree before her mother is a senior.
Natalie Dykstra, graduate teaching assistant in women's studies and American studies, said she hadn't seen her male students struggle with the idea of having to chose between a successful family or a successful career like her students.
"The bulk of the responsibilities falls on the women," she says. "You can't be a female in America and not struggle with it. I think a lot of women think it's a lose-lose proposition. The ones who say they want a family are afraid they will be looked down upon, and the women who put their career goals in front of family goals fear that they will be viewed as superworkers who will ignore their children. I see my students hope for both but see that they will struggle. At least they assume they deserve both."
Striving for more
"I guess at this point in my life I don't think I will give up my career to have kids."
Heather McKinney, Topeka senior
A after thousands of dollars in student loans and four years studying civil engineering. Heather McKinney can't imagine having to give up a paycheck to raise a family. Nor does she believe she should have to.
"I think about when I will be ready to have a family, take off work and make that sacrifice," Heather, Topeka senior, says. "I guess at this point
in my life I don't think I will give up my career to have kids."
Heather will earn a bachelor's degree in civil engineering in December. But it's been a struggle.
Women civil engineering majors, at the University and everywhere else, are a minority. Women make up 4 percent of the field. And Heather feels she has constantly had to prove herself to her peers.
"I think that there would be more women in engineering if it weren't for the men discouraging them," Heather says. "When you're in a male-dominated field you have to work twice as hard to prove yourself to these people, because to them you are just a girl."
"When I first started, I didn't get the respect from the guys in my classes. And now, after working hard and them seeing that, they look at me and ask me questions."
"I've talked to guys that say, 'My wife's going to stay home and take care of the kids.' And to me, that's ridiculous." Heather savs.
But Heather sees the problems she will face if she decides to have a family. She doesn't understand why, if she works hard to be an equal in the field of engineering, men don't have to work to be an equal in family responsibilities.
But what seems ridiculous to Heather is exactly what her mother, Janis McKinney, 56, of Topeka, chose to do.
Janis studied three years of psychology at an allgirl college in Salina and quit to marry and have children when she was 20 years old.
"I was married before I was 21, and I felt like an old maid," she says, laughing. "The times were so different. There is really no comparison. My generation was caught in the middle of women's liberation, and I was brought up as a non-thinking female."
Janis' tone changes as she says, "I was ill-fitted for life."
But after giving birth to four of her six children, Janis went back to school and earned the psychology degree she'd given up to raise her children.
Janis, now divorced, works as a sales clerk at Dillard's and is thinking about going back to school to earn a master's degree in psychology.
Janis understands and supports her daughter's decision to put career goals in front of family goals. She knows, when the time comes, Heather will struggle juggling both a family and a career. But it is her daughter's decision, and she is confident Heather will find a way to make it work.
Kim Roddis, associate professor of civil engineering, knows it can work for Heather. She has done it herself.
Roddis has seen her students struggle with the stereotypes of men, women, careers and family.
Roddis was the first woman civil engineering professor at the University of Kansas to earn tenure. She is also a wife and mother of two.
"Why is it that women are expected to work or be a parent, and men are expected to work and be a parent?" Roddis asks. "Our society has a long way to go."
Roddis said that choosing a career and planning a family should be in the college-age man's mind as well as the college-age woman's.
"A lot of the women students are in a difficult situation because a lot of the men are operating on cultural stereotypes," she says. "But it's a problem for younger men, too."
Roddiz promises that many stereotypes fade when families are formed.
What is happening is that a lot of the women students are dealing with male students who are in many ways more conservative now than the male students will be in 10 years, she says. "Hypothetical children are a lot harder to deal with than real children."
Roddis has been teaching at the University for eight years. She is one of five female professors out of 100 civil engineering professors at the University of Kansas. She has a 2 year old and a 6 year old, and says it has been the cooperation with her husband of 16 years that has made it work.
"It's not easy, but it's satisfying," Roddis says. "I could not do this without my husband."
She considers herself, 'blessedly stressed.' And she thinks her students, both men and women, also should look at their future this way.
Sharon Morris, left, dedicated her life to her family. Now she's a dedicated KU student. Her daughter, Ericka Morris, also attends the University.