University Daily Kansan
Page 2
Emotional Maturity Determines Lasting, Successful Marriage
Editor's Note: This is the third article in a four part series on college marriage.
By Karen Lambert (Feature-Society Editor)
College students about to be married or seriously considering marriage should be certain of their future husband or wife's emotional maturity. Lack of emotional maturity is the primary cause of broken marriages, according to Lawrence S. Bee, professor of family life.
"We know that one half of all first marriages will end in disaster," Prof. Bee noted in an interview. "They will go through the wringer and end by violence, annulment or divorce. Students must ask themselves the crucial question: 'What will make our marriage last?'
"The answer is emotional maturity." Prof. Bee continued. This is the most important quality in a marriage. The chief reason for marriage failures is this lack of maturity."
IS MARRIAGE A mature partnership, with both partners seeking to satisfy the other's needs and work together building a happy partnership on the firm foundation of mutual respect and love?
Prof. Bee believes this is often not the case. "Most marriages are neurotic relationships rationalized in the name of love," Prof. Bee stated. "Most of the time the couple doesn't even know it."
If the marriage is a sound, happy one, however, it can bring happiness to the partners.
"Some people need greater personal companionship than they can find in relationships outside of marriage," Prof. Bee noted. "Marriage provides this companionship.
"I do think that most people who have a need for emotional intimacy find it without marriage." Prof. Bee added. "But I feel that marital companionship is more deeply satisfying than transient relationships."
COLLEGE MARRIAGE is becoming more and more prevalent.
"About one in four college students today are married," Prof. Bee said.
Some of the problems facing unmarried students dissolve in marriage.
"Married students do better in college because they tend to be more serious, settled and older." Prof. Bee explained. "Much of the time that unmarried students spend dating and worrying is of course taken care of in marriage so there is more time for study and intellectual pursuits."
The problems that arise in marriage are often the couple's own making, according to Prof. Bee.
"THEER IS NO reason for a couple to feel they are shackled just because they are married," he said. "Marriage doesn't put an anchor around the neck of either partner. Couples can and do carry
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Parental financial support is often a determining factor in planning marriage in college. Students who want to marry are often not able to without outside financial help. Prof. Bee approves of financial support from parents if the couple is responsible.
on vivid associations. They can still pursue their own interests. There is absolutely no reason to think that either partner is tied to the kitchen sink."
"Subsidized marriage does not make the couple dependent and irresponsible unless they are already that kind of people," Prof. Bee said. "Many consider, as I do, that parental financial support is an investment in their future."
SHOULD MARRIED COUPLES plan a family while they are still attending college?
"Having children in college is inadvisable and unnecessary." Prof. Bee stated. "To have children is to impose an unnecessary burden unless the wife isn't going to school and wants a child."
Prof. Bee will not bake a general statement about the advisability of marriage in college.
"Marriages are individual." Prof. Bee said. "They are based on individual interests, needs and differences. I do not condemn or condone the concept of college marriage because it is an individual matter."
Pinnings and Engagements
Cathy Cochran, Dighton junior,
Chi Omega, is pinned to Howard
Wilcox, Lawrence junior, Phi
Gamma Delta.
Kay Lumpkin, Mexico City,
Mex., senior, Alpha Delta Pi
is pinned to James S. Maxwell,
Douglass senior, Theta Chi.
Jan Hayden, Ocean Spring, Miss,
senior, Chi Omega, is pinned to
Fred Marsh, Kansas City, Mo.
senior, Kappa Sigma.
Marty Mettner, Topeka junior,
Pi Beta Phi, is pinned to Mac McHenry, Newton first year law student,
Sigma Chi Ma.
Mary Messenheimer, Minneapolis, Minn., junior, Alpha Delta Pi,
is pinned to Thomas A. Darner,
Nevada, Iowa, senior, Pi Kappa
Aluha.
Cynthia Colonna, Palos Verdes Peninsula, Calif., is engaged to James L. Bates III, New York City senior.
Meg Davis, Houston, Tex., sophomore, Alpha Phi, is pinned to Wally Scott. Houston, Tex., sophomore, Alpha Kappa Lambda.
Penny Irish, Kansas City, Mo,
sophomore. Alpha Delta Pi, is engaged to Dave Hammitt, sophomore at University of Missouri.
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Weddings Are Serious Business
(United Press International) The longer the bride's wedding dress, the longer the marriage lasts?
By Gav Paulev
By Gay Failey (United Press International)
Could be, say the bridal attire manufacturers who now are turning to surveys to find what role they play in the longevity of the tie that binds.
THE "MARRIAGE business," counting the clothes and all other sales connected with a trip to the altar, adds up to about $5 billion per year, reports Modern Bride magazine.
Sales of bridal gowns, however, represented $125 to $150 million of the yearly total. The figure has been pretty static for the last several years.
An association representing some 30 leading bridal gown manufacturers worries about this percentage the same way a mother of the bride worries whether it will be organza or peau de soie. Then, it decided to find why its bridal apparel sales weren't up front in the wedding march.
ONE SAMPLING in the New England area led to the reasons for larger questioning. The sampling asked women who were divorced whether theirs had been a formal or "quickie" marriage. Eight of 10 divorcees said theirs had not been the long engagement culminated with the traditional church, synagogue or home ceremony.
The initial questioning had been
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sufficiently convincing to initiate hiring researchers whose findings are to be compiled by fall and then analyzed by sociologists.
Edward Langer, president of Portrait Bridal Co., New York, said he believes there are sound reasons for the study.
"I believe, and so do many who study this problem, that the greater the fuss, really, the greater the event becomes and will be so remembered through life," he said.
Write to P.O. Box 214,
Shawnee Mission, Kansas 66201
You will be contacted to arrange an
interview.
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