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University Daily Kansaa
Thursday, May 6, 1965
Marriage in College Depends on Couple
By Karen Lambert (Feature-Society Editor)
Editor's note: This is the first of four articles on college marriage. The series will be continued each week. Three of the articles will deal with aspects of marriage and the fourth will be devoted to planning a wedding.
A perfect marriage is the most cherished hope of almost every young woman. If she has not thought seriously about marriage before entering college, or perhaps has even sworn that she will remain single, she is almost certain to consider marriage carefully before she graduates.
Education is not the only opportunity offered to a girl in college. There are also many chances to meet and get acquainted with young men, and one of the men she meets is likely to capture momentarily, if not permanently, this young woman.
College and marriage independently of each other post challenges and problems, as well as rewards. When college and marriage are combined, what are some of the considerations toward making a successful marriage?
Muriel H. Johnson, associate professor of family life, believes that college marriages are successful in proportion to the individuals who marry.
Prof. Johnson refuses to make generalizations about marriage, whether in college or after graduation.
"I HAVE TO weigh the particular situation," Prof. Johnson said. "You can't make broad generalizations about marriage because marriages are made by individuals."
The considerations in a marriage partner, whether the marriage will be in a college situation or not, are much the same. People considering marriage should of course have serious thought to the matter of choosing a partner, Prof. Johnson said, but they should view each other as individuals, and not by unbending standards.
"Some people have the 'laundry list' view of marriage where you check off the desirable qualities in a person or measure his potential by generalized standards," Prof. Johnson explained. "In the process you lose the person.
"It's kind of amazing to me sometimes how rigid both men and women are in deciding what role the other sex should play. Instead, we should view each other from the standpoint that we are all individuals, and on that basis determine what a person can contribute of himself as an individual." she continued.
"If you don't examine the flexibility or rigidity in your prospective husband or wife before marriage, it will be too late afterward," she said.
SITE PARENTAL SUPPORT is often an issue which is crucial to college marriages which could not take place without outside financial help.
"Children who get married in college without communicating with their parents have no right to expect parental support," Prof. Johnson stated.
Sometimes, however, a college marriage financed by parents is desirable.
"People who can get married in college often get more out of their education, because the couple has
more direction and purpose," she said.
A barrier to college marriage is the fear of losing independence.
IF YOU MARRY EARLY in life you cannot avoid structuring your life in certain ways," Prof. Johnson explained. "There will be more time later in marriage when you need to be an individual.
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Prof. Johnson was referring to the "family life cycle," in which a marriage progresses through the various stages of parenthood, until the children are grown and leave the home. Today, a young woman may have fulfilled her purpose as a mother by her mid-forties and will need to find new ways to fulfill her life according to Prof. Johnson.
Prof. Johnson returned to her conception of marriage as a union of two individuals who retain their individuality.
"I don't see marriage as a relationship between two dependent people, but between two autonomous people, as Kahlil Gibran expresses," she explained.
GIBRAN, AUTHOR of "The Prophet," wrote on marriage, "Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and stand together yet not too near together: for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypresses grow not in each other's shadow."
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"Marriage can't be a neurotic need for dependency." Prof. Johnson said, "although it's only realistic to say that we are all dependent on each other. But neurotic dependencies are symbiotic—people with neurotic dependencies only view marriage as a way to satisfy their own needs."
WHEN SERIOUSLY considering marriage, Prof. Johnson advises, people must realize that marriage isn't a magical solution to problems.
"We think that just getting married is the solution to all problems, that marriage itself doesn't pose any problems," she said.
Marriage is a serious commitment, not a social gesture.
"No one should ever get married just because it is the thing to do." Prof. Johnson concluded.
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