PATRONIZE KANSAN ADVERTISERS
English Pro criticized
The All Student Council (ASC) passed a resolution calling for the extinction of the student-despised English Proficiency Examination.
Students generally saw it as a step forward. Only a few felt that the resolution, if adopted as university policy, would widen an already serious writing deficiency gap.
Patsy Price, Bartlesville, Okla., graduate student, said, "I think that students should learn how to write before they graduate from college."
MISS PRICE felt that one test could not determine the pro2- ciency of a student. She said, "If
you do away with the Pro, then you must upgrade the basic English courses."
George Takaki, Los Angeles, Calif., graduate student, agreed with Miss Price. He said, "I feel that the satisfactory completion of the required undergraduate English courses is not sufficient and that more English courses should be required."
The general feeling was that the English Proficiency Examination was not accomplishing anything. Swaebou Conateh, The Gambia senior, said, "I think that the English Proficiency Exam is useless."
Others shared Conateh's opinion of the exam. Jean Wright, Leawood sophomore, said, "The English Proficiency Exam is a waste of time."
DAN THISTLE. Philadelphia, Pa., senior, said, "I think that the Pro is ridiculous."
In their opinions some students were severely critical. Thistle said, "It is like doubting the efficiency of teachers' abilities as a whole."
Bill Berkowitz, New York City sophomore, who is against any university forced requirement, said, "The English Pro is just one example of a requirement that is both unnecessary and unnatural."
SCHOOL FOR SCANDAL
Two actors from "The School for Scandal" rehearse a scene for the production of Richard Brinsley Sheridan's 18th-century drama to be presented tonight.
8 Daily Kansan Thursday, February 9, 1867
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Attention Seniors Senior Pictures
STAMP OUT YOUNG LOVE
It happens every day. A young man goes off to college, leaving his home town sweetheart with vows of eternal love, and then he finds that he has outgrown her. What, in such cases, is the honorable thing to do?
well sir, you can do what Crunch Sigfaoos did.
When Crunch left his home in Cut and Shoot, Pa., to go off to a prominent midwestern university (Florida State) he said to his sweetheart, a wholesome country lass named Mildred Bovine, "My dear, though I am far away in college, I will love you always. I take a mighty oath I will never look at another girl. If I do, may my eyeballs parch and wither, may my viscera writhe like adders, may my ever-press slacks go baggy!"
Then he clutched Mildred to his bosom, flicked some hayseed from her hair, planted a final kiss upon her fragrant young skull, and went away, meaning with all his heart to be faithful.
But on the very first day of college he met a coed named Irmgard Champerty who was studded with culture like a ham with cloves. She knew verbatim the complete works of Franz Kafka, she sang solos in stereo, she wore a black leather jacket with an original Goya on the back.
Well sir, Crunch took one look and his jaw dropped and his nostrils pulsed like a bellows and his kneecaps turned to sorghum. Never had he beheld such sophistication, such intellect, such savoir faire. Not, mind you, that Crunch was a dolt. He was, to be sure, a country boy, but he had a head on his shoulders, believe you me! Take, for instance, his choice of razor blades. Crunch always shaved with Personna Super Stainless Steel Blades, and if that doesn't show good sense, I am Rex the Wonder Horse. No other blade shaves you so comfortably so often. No other blade brings you such facial felicity, such epidermal elan. Personna Super Stainless Steel Blades take the travail out of shaving, scrap the scrape, negate the nick, peel the pull, oust the ouch. Furthermore, Personnas are available both in double-edge style and in injector style. If you're smart—and I'm sure you are, or how'd you get out of high school—you'll get a pack of Personnas before another sun has set.
But I digress. Crunch, as we have seen, was instantly smitten with Irmgard Champerty. All day he followed her around campus and listened to her talk about Franz Kafka and like that, and then be went back to his dormitory and found this letter from his home town sweetheart Mildred:
Dear Crunch:
Us kids had a keen time yesterday. We went down to the pond and caught some frogs. I caught the most of anybody. Then we hitched rides on trucks and did lots of nutsy stuff like that. Well, I must close now because I got to whitewash the fence.
Your friend, Mildred
PS...I know how to ride backwards on my skateboard.
Well sir, Crunch thought about Mildred and then he thought about Irmgard and then a great sadness fell upon him. Suddenly he knew he had outgrown young, innocent Mildred; his heart now belonged to smart, sophisticated Irmgard.
Being above all things honorable, he returned forthwith to Cut and Shoot, Pa., and looked Mildred straight in the eye and said manilily, "I do not love you any more. I love another. You can hit me in the stomach all your might if you want to."
If you want to.
"That's okay, hey." said Mildred amiably. "I don't love you neither. I found a new boy."
"What is his name?" asked Crunch.
"Craig." said Wilde.
"Franz Kafka," said Mildred.
"I hope you will be very happy," said Crunch and shook Mildred's hand and they have remained good friends to this day. In fact, Crunch and Irmgard often double-date with Franz and Mildred and have barrels of fun. Franz knows how to ride backwards on his skateboard one-legged.
* *
©1967, Max Shulman
So you see, all's well that ends well—including a shave with Personna Super Stainless Steel Blades and Personna's partner in luxury shaving—Burma-Shave. It comes in menthol or regular; it soaks rings around any other lather.