KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 / SEX ON THE HILL / 1
IDENTITY
Students 'come out' on their own terms
Campus groups social support can make the process easier
BY SARA SNEATH
editor@kansan.com
Sophomore Alex Jensen came out to a close friend in high school. But it wasn't until he got to college and became a member of Delta Lambda Phi, a fraternity welcoming of all sexual orientations, that he decided to share his sexuality with his family. So far, they have been supportive, and have even urged Jensen to come out to his more distant relatives. Nevertheless, he remains hesitant to inform everyone.
Unfortunately, there is no flow chart or 10-step procedure to coming out; the process is as individual, fluid and complex as sexuality. Tyler Mulholland, a junior from Lenexa, emphasizes that not everyone's coming-out experience is horrific. But whether you are the one coming out or you are the supporter, there are many things to keep in mind.
"The whole coming-out process can be liberating, but you know I'm not sure that we should have to do it in a way that we are sort of disadvagted," says Jensen.
"If people ask me then I will tell them, but I'm not going to have a random conversation with them about it," Jensen said. "My theory is they didn't come to me and say, 'well, we're straight,' and ask me to be okay with that. So, I'm not going to go to them and say the same thing."
IF YOU'RE COMING OUT
"I think that it is important for people to understand that it is a completely individualized process. People who face this issue have to consider a number of different variables, including their safety," said Diane Genther, the University's LGBT Resource Center coordinator. For those who are in the process of exploring their sexuality, Genther recommends creating a support group of friends, counselors and LGBT peers.
1. Do it in your own time and in your own way
2. Weigh the risks and benefits of coming out — the cost can be high including being cut off from parental financial support, fired or ending personal relationships.
Renee Rivera has been out to close friends and family for about two years. She used this year's Coming Out Day on Oct. 11 to tell acquaintances and classmates that she's gay.
3. Test the water — start with your inner circle and work your way out
FOR FRIENDS AND FAMILY
1. Come out as a LGBT supporter — take a stance on LGBT issue
2. Let sexual minorities label themselves
label themselves.
3. Do not tell others about a person's sexuality unless it is relevant and that person is comfortable with you telling people
years now, but waited until this year's Coming Out Day, which was last month, to tell acquaintances and classmates she is gay. Because Rivera is a student in the School of Education at the University, com-
process."
"It is important for people to understand that is is a completely individualized process"
DIANE GENTHER
LGBT Resource Center
coordinator
ing out was an especially sensitive issue for her.
"My biggest fear is that when I start teaching, a parent will ask for their child to be taken out of my classroom because I'm gay," Rivera said.
The big ques-
uon is: should come out even be an issue? After telling their coming-out stories, Delta Lambda Phi brothers Godfrey Riddle, Jensen and Mulholland noted that none of them had shared their stories
with each other before — an indication that among an understanding community, the coming-out practice isn't one big ordeal — it's often continuous and mundane. To some, the process of coming out is a form of activism; to others, it is a sign of a fundamental misconception.
"The fact there has to be a coming-out process for people is indicative of a homophobic culture. I suppose in some instances that it could have repercussions that look like social activism." Genther said. "But I think how someone displays their sexuality is different for each person. I think it is fine if someone doesn't want to place a label on themselves."
Edited by Kelsey Nill
Delta Lambda Phi members Tyler Mulholland, a junior from Lenexa, Alex Jensen, a sophomore from Lincoln, Neb., and Godfrey Riddle, a senior from Olathe.