KANSAN.COM / THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN / THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2010 / SEX ON THE HILL
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ABSTINENCE
Celibate students put the brakes on sex, for now
JACKLYN BAILLERGEON editor@kansan.com
As sex becomes a more open subject in society, it seems abstinence is less practiced than generations before. So that must mean everyone around is having sex, right? Wrong. While the Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports 55 percent of college students have sex every month, Milton Wendland, a doctoral student in American Studies and a graduate teaching assistant in women, gender and
sexuality studies, said the actual number could be lower.
"We don't have any reliable numbers for how many college students are engaging in sexual activity because 'sexual activity' means different things to different people." Wendland said.
one abstains 100 percent from all physical contact with another person. Kissing and oral sex can still open the possibility for transmission of STDs.
Students have a variety of reasons for avoiding sex, ranging from religious and moral reasons to health and safety concerns. There are also emotional reasons.
"Abstinence can offer some reduction of health risks, like STDs," Wendland said. This is only true if
Wendland said there were additions to the physical benefits of remaining abstinent.
"For some people abstinence can offer a mental health benefit as well," Wendland said. "If you aren't ready to be physically intimate w i t h anyone then
sexual activity may cause a great deal of emotional distress or guilt"
Paul Johnson, a freshman from Wichita, said he had more than one reason for staying abstinent.
"Biologically, we are not made to have multiple sex partners, and we are much less likely to get STDs or unwanted pregnancies if we practice abstinence." Johnson said.
Johnson added that he stays celibate for moral reasons.
"Sex is a sacred act that must be respected and saved for the right person," Johnson said. "If we cannot wait to have sex with our
future spouse, how can we expect to remain faithful to them during marriage? It cannot become a pleasure-seeking habit. It should be looked at in a deeper way — as more of a self-gift for another."
Carter Zielinski, a sophomore from Overland Park, also abstains and said he hoped to find a partner with similar values.
Zielinski said he believes society is over sexualized.
Students in relationships are also avoiding sex. Lauren Hammond, a freshman from Shawnee, was in a long-term relationship and avoided having sex. Hammond said she believes being abstinent made her relationship stronger.
"I was in a relationship because I wanted to be in one, not because of sex." Hammond said. "You can still be close without having sex.
"Every experience I've had with people having sex with their boyfriend or girlfriend becomes a way bigger deal, or they stay in a relationship they shouldn't be in so they can keep having sex. I personally don't think it's worth it."
Along with moral and health reasons, gender roles and the pressure of being made fun of for having or not having sex also play a role in a person's sexual behavior.
be a 'real man' or a good woman' means that it is common for men to feel pressured to be sexually active or to embellish their sexual activities, while for many women, there is a pressure to abstain from sexual activity or downplay their sexual behavior," Wendland said.
"Different notions of what it is to
Kayla Eddins, a freshman from Lenexa, said she agreed that she has noticed many people have either claimed to be abstinent while they have been having sex or have said they have had sex while they have been practicing abstinence in order to try to fit in with the rest of society.
"People who are religious or raised that way sometimes claim they're abstinent while they're really having sex," Eddins said. "On the other hand, the older we get, the easier it is to try to hint that you have had sex while you really haven't because it's hard to be different."
Eddins said she disagreed with the notion that society would be better off if more people abstained from sex.
"Abstinence shouldn't be mandated for everyone," Eddins said. "It's a personal choice. You shouldn't be ashamed of your own body. There's not anything to be guilty of for having sex before
marriage."
Wendland also said that having sex with a significant other is not necessarily a bad thing. If both partners are informed and the sexual activity is consensual, he said it can be an incredibly pleasurable experience for the mind and body.
For students who want to avoid sexual activity but still want to experience intimacy, Wendland suggested some alternatives.
"There's a fullrange ofpossibilities for producing physical and emotional pleasure without actual doing it," Wendland said. Those possibilities included massage and cuddling, masturbation, and use of props and toys.
"As long as you're being careful and safe and know who you're sleeping with you should be fine," Eddins said. She suggests getting to know the person, asking about STDs, and always practicing safe sex.
While Eddins believes abstinence isn't necessary, she does have a warning for those wanting to become sexually active.
"If you choose not to be abstinent you need to be OK with that decision," Edds said.
ETTIQUETTE
Edited by Anna Nordling
Public displays of affection common on college campuses
BY TANVI NIMKAR editor@kansan.com
Public displays of affection are a common sight on any walk through campus — holding hands, quick kisses and hugs, make-out sessions in the open air or covertly in secret spots around campus. Typically PDA is harmless but there is a limit, for which the appropriate response is, "Get a room." There is the cliché of deserted library stacks for romantic encounters, but there are other covert spots around campus.
During a Career Services event last year, a few volunteers such as
Erin Wolfram, associate director of the University Career Center, noticed a number of students with large hickeys enter the Kansas Union from the adjacent parking garage. Wolfram was taken by surprise because she didn't think a parking garage was a good place to make out. Although most PDA is not a crime, there are several situations where it is absolutely inappropriate.
"Anything in a business or work environment is inappropriate," Wolfram said. "Everything should be professional."
the focus must be work. Anything beyond these settings seems to be fair game.
A parking garage is a sensible choice because of the dark seclusion and the fact that most people do not spend much time in the garage so the chances of being seen are slim. There is a downside to the garage as well, though. Noise echoes in the garage, so if someone happens to be wandering around, he or she could hear everything. Also there is the danger of cars driving around in the darkness of the garage.
Another common spot that is not secret is the sidewalk, especially after sporting events. The dilemma occurs when people are walking back to their car after a game and in the middle of the sidewalk there is a couple making out without a care. In the crowd of people leaving, simply side-stepping the affectionate couple is harder than you may think.
Often a person's reaction to this sighting can be just as interesting as the PDA itself. Senior Jon Moore says if he saw inappropriate PDA, his first thought would be that the relationship wouldn't last very long.
Colin Barnes says he would more than likely just ignore the
couple because he has better things to do.
Not all PDA is simply making out. It includes even the simplest affectionate gestures, such as holding hands or a kiss on the cheek. Most students find these gestures acceptable. For example junior Julia Maggins admits to holding hands or briefly kissing on campus.
It is hard to know where to draw the line. Barnes says a hug or kiss is fine but a kiss with tongue is a bit much which is similar to Miggins' judgement.
Edited by David Cawthon
Photo illustration by Dalton Gomez/KANSAN
PDA can be as simple as holding hands or a kiss
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