SPEAK
I roll over, crushing the crumpled tissues that cover the better half of my bed. I look at the clock — it's three in the afternoon. The glowing red letters cast a glare in my shaded room. I sit up and rub my eyes, which sting from a combination of crying and a lack of sleep. I push my messy, unwashed hair out of my face and throw off the covers. I shuffle to the bathroom and flick on the light. Two days before I would have been using that mirror to make sure my lip-gloss looked okay. Now I stare at my dissipated appearance. The bags under my eyes seem permanent and my skin is drained of all color. I had crashed. My boyfriend broke up with me two days before. I couldn't believe this was how my senior year in college was going to be: lonely.
He had just graduated from the United States Military Academy and jetted off to Europe for a brief two-week vacation before he had to report to Ft. Benning, Ga. He chose to end our two-year relationship because we were headed in different directions. He was going to be a young officer in the army while I finished my senior year at KU. He was considering staying in the army longer than he had originally planned and I wasn't ready to sign my life over. I never thought he would actually end things, especially over the phone.
When we started dating, I promised myself I wouldn't become one of "those girls" who thought their lives were over once their relationships were. But the day he broke up with
me I felt like I was 16 all over again. I laid under a pile of covers as my mom tried to tell me I only had one day to feel sorry for myself. “You don’t know what this feels like. No one understands me,” I tried to scream. I had lost my voice from sobbing. All I cared about was how now I would never get married, and I certainly wasn’t going to have kids.
I'll be honest: I, like every other girl enamored with her boyfriend, thought my relationship was invincible. Sure couples break up all the time, but that would never happen to me. I told myself I would move on as quickly as possible. But what I thought was moving on with my life was really just burying my hurt.
Since we broke up this past summer I was home in Atlanta, going out every weekend, drinking away my sorrows and pretending I didn't hate my life. I tried not to think or talk about him. When I went out with friends without thinking about him, I thought I was completely over him. "This is great," I would tell my friends, who, now that I think about, knew I wasn't healing at all.
When I wasn't washing down my misery with a cheap shot of vodka I was working out. "The best revenge is looking good," I told myself. What did I plan on showing him? "Look asshole, I can lose weight because you made me miserable. Take that." I guess I forgot that we never saw each other, even though he used to come to Atlanta when he wasn't training at Ft. Benning. I was hungry and cranky, which didn't
help anyone.
I'd hear from my ex-boyfriend in random spurts. "I'm sorry how all this happened." "I can't just cut you out of my life." "Do you have my favorite jacket?" I didn't answer him all summer, and was proud of myself. I also felt flattered. While I was telling everyone I didn't think about him anymore, clearly he still thought about me, which meant he still cared.
When I came back to school all of those buried emotions rose to the surface. I saw my friends in happy relationships, and remembered how I had wanted this to go, but it somehow didn't.
I was lonely, and yes, I threw myself a few more pity parties. I would lie in bed the nights my friends wanted to spend time with their boyfriends and feel sorry for myself. Not being around my family and friends took a toll on how "well" I was doing. I couldn't drive home to Atlanta and I started to feel more alone than ever. I became a regular of the Lifetime channel and my pantry, eating just about everything in sight.
I can't remember the exact moment when I started to feel better about the break up. But after I established a new routine with school and friends, I began to feel more normal. I hated when people told me time was the only thing that would help, but after a few months of being back at school and keeping myself busy, I realized it was true.
It's been four months since the break-up and
I can honestly say I am doing better. If someone would have told me this days after the break-up happened, I probably would not have believed them. Yes, back ups are hard. But I've found the best way to get your life back is to live it. Coming from a girl who once pathetically carved "I will never have a boyfriend" into her desk at home, got a boyfriend and then got dumped, trust me, life goes on.
SEE COSTUMES ON PAGE 3A
There will be a costume contest before the concert for all who dare to dress up like the symphony itself. Neely himself will be wearing five or six different costumes throughout the performance to match each musical piece he will be conducting.
ply can't. Neely will be conducting the second Halloween Bash tonight at the Lied Center. Presented by the School of Music and featuring the University Symphony Orchestra, the Halloween Bash will feature songs to get anybody's heartbeat racing for the approaching Halloween weekend.
Evan Palmer/KANSAN
Scott Sheu, a senior from Manhattan, looks through racks of clothing Saturday morning in the lobby of Murphy Hall. The Theatre Department, which is hosting a costume contest today, had a costume sale in preparation for the event.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE FOR HALLOWEEN AND HOW MUCH ARE YOU WILLING TO SPEND?
ublicans wide Sweep to ed state.
Dalton Gomez/KANSAN and the cementry.
MEG PATRZYKONT Kansas City junior Marylin Monroe "I think that if you spend $200 on an outfit, that is ridiculous."
COURTNEY SLONE
Derby junior
Strawberry Shortcake
"I wouldn't spend more than $35.
It's ridiculous unless you're going
to wear it for five more years."
JULIA GUARD
Lawrence senior
Modern Ghost
"I'm not into dropping $50 on a costume. It seems a little freshman."
GREG SCHLEIFMAN
Arlington senior
Miller High Life guy
“$25 is the highest I'd pay, it's not like it’s your wedding”
KATELYN MITALSKI
Shawnee junior
Smurf
"I went to Fun and Games,
bought a bottle of body paint for
$16, that's all I'll need for years."
NATE KANEY
Minnetonka, Minn., junior
First night: Sheik
Second night: MILF Hunter
"I spent $40 dollars for both, it's
definitely worth it for a once-a-
year deal."
DAVID COHEN
Chicago junior
Allen from "The Hangover"
"I was Billy Mays last year. It's cheap and I wanted to utilize the beard again."
ell'
15 10
28
10
7
Students head to washington for Stewart, Colbert marches
Individual students and a group of KU Young Democrats will be at the National Mall tomorrow for the "Rally to Restore Sanity"and the "March to Keep Fear Alive."
Kansas looks for first league win Saturday
FOOTBALL | 10A
The Jayhawks have lost by an aggregate score of 159-24 in three Big 12 games. They'll look to a third-string quarterback in an effort to stop the bleeding Saturday in Ames against the Iowa State Cyclones.
INDEX
Classifieds...9A
Crossword...4A
Cryptoquips...4A
Opinion...5A
Sports...10A
Sudoku...4A
WEATHER
TODAY
68 41
Mostly Sunny
72 42
SATURDAY
Partly Cloudy
SUNDAY
69 37
Partly Cloudy weather.com
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