Bashing in your soon-to-be-ex's car windows: A direct but not-so-nice way of initiating a breakup.
By Jessie Fetterling jfetterling@kansan.com
No one wants to be broken up with, but sometime it's even worse to be the initiator of the breakup. It's difficult finding ways to break the news to that no longer-special-someone because, whether a breakup occurs in a two-year relationship or in a two-month one, the outcome is usually tear-filled and sometimes even scary.
Jessie Rood, Overland Park sophomore, broke up with a guy by bashing in his car windows. She decided to end the relationship when she found out that her boyfriend of seven months was getting involved with another girl.
Dan Newland, Carlisle, Pa., freshman, and his short-term girlfriend broke up over the phone. She went out with some friends one night and asked him to come along, but he had homework to do and couldn't join her. A couple of hours into the night, he received a drunken phone call from his girlfriend saying she thought they should break up because she was
definitely going to cheat on him that night.
Breaking up with someone is neither fun nor easy, whichever side of the breakup you're on. However, there are certain ways to do it without completely destroying the other person.
Lissa Coffey, relationship expert and author of What's Your Dosha, Baby?, says that the longer a couple has been together, the more gentle and sensitive the person initiating the breakup needs to be. If you've been in a relationship for more than a year; you definitely want to do it face-to-face and give some kind of explanation. However, if you're only on a couple of dates, it's okay to do it over the phone.
"Never break up with someone on a message machine or through e-mail," Coffey says. "A breakup at least warrants a conversation."
Ciera Roberts, Horton freshman, got a breakup message on Facebook from her boyfriend of two years. Along with the message, she realized that he had already ended their relationship status." I was pissed, and we didn't talk for at least three months," Roberts says.
Brittney Raybern, Lawrence freshman, broke up with her boyfriend in a note. She was planning on giving it to him while she was walking beside him before class. Her friend, who didn't know who her boyfriend was, came up and started talking to the couple, letting it slip that Raybern was going to break up with her boyfriend that day. Embarassed, Raybern handed her boyfriend the piece of paper and walked off after saying, "Sorry, it's all in the note."
Coffey advises people to never name-call in a breakup, and to never do what she calls the ABCs: assuming, blaming and complaining. If you place blame on someone, that only makes him or her feel worse about the breakup.
"We're all looking for that life-long relationship, because it's part of human nature," Coffey says. But if you don't think your relationship has a future, you'll eventually break up no matter the reason, whether you fight too much, don't feel respected, or you don't feel like you can be yourself around that person. In the end, a breakup usually has more to do with you than the other person because it's based on what you're looking
for in a relationship, Coffey says.
So, if you're looking for something else and contemplating breaking up with someone, make sure to do it either face-to-face or over the phone. It's a hard thing to do, but it's even harder to read about it in a note or a Facebook message.
tips
- Be kind and be honest.
- Don't make up any stories or come up with excuses.
- Use "I" phrases rather than "you"
phrases. For example: "I think our
relationship has run its course and I'm
ready to move on," rather than, "You are a
lazy slob."
- No name-calling.
- No ABCs: assuming, blaming or complaining.
14 04.17.2008 VOL.5 ISS.28
for more information: www.wikihow.com/Break-Up
Photo illustration by: Mindy Ricketts
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