OPINION
THE UNIVERSITY DARY KANSAN
7A WEDNESDAY MARCH 12 2008
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 12, 2008
COMMENTARY
Lunar nemesis orbits through crosshairs
A couple weeks back, the military launched a missile into space to destroy an aging weather satellite. While many world leaders viewed this aggressive decision as a military statement to China, hence flexing our muscles (via missile) and exploring our military capabilities (by exploding), I saw what was really going on here. The whole scheme is an elaborate tune-up.
A tune-up for America's eventual mission - blowing up the moon.
I've thought about the concept of moon destruction before, and frankly, I'm all for it. Heck, my audition column to get a position on the Kansan was about this very topic. The only reason you haven't seen it is because the idea was stifled by my viewing of an old "Mr. Show" clip where they farcically advocated blowing up the moon.
Good reasons exist to nuke the moon, and most of them will bring mirth to adults and students alike.
Naturally, I sued the producers for traveling through time and stealing my idea. The case never gained much leverage. But given recent current events, my opinions have been resurrected.
Why nuke the moon? We don't need it. Simply put, it's man's ultimate menace. Constantly looming, haranguing our attempts at greatness, providing scant reflective light but not enough to save us money on light bulbs, the moon needs to go.
We already blew a weather satellite out of the sky, and isn't the moon just Earth's most elderly satellite, devoid of any real function?
Sure, the entire country trembled
at the edges of their LA-Z-BOYS when Neil Armstrong first strutted across the moon's dusty surface. Subsequent trips were also revelatory, specifically about the nature of the moon and its terrain.
The moon—the galaxy's easiest hole-in-one!
If obliterating the moon isn't exciting enough, we could easily enhance the whole project with America's most across-the-board passion — fireworks.
However, we got bored with it. Once, astronauts even brought golf clubs and a moon cart up there and worked on their short game.
If my assumptions are correct, and they usually are, considering my mind works through only the most logical and efficient processes, it would be easy to embark on several prerequisite trips to fill the moon's craters up with Black Cats, Smoke Bombs and those annoying tanks that look like they'll do something cool, really, but will just flame out in about two seconds. That would make an already awesome explosion extra astounding.
Now, I know the conservatives out there are going to raise a big hullabaloo about my proposal. But I can defend this idea on an economic basis as well. I am an economics major. Yeah, that's right. I'm legit.
the cosmos. Let's give it one last hurrah, a way of celebrating how many times it has ruined our depth perception, brought in hordes of jellyfish to beaches during vacation and watched us taking a shower (the moon is the
In my economics coursework, we have often discussed the concept of a positive externality, or a benefit received from a good, product, or service that is not reflected in the price of the good. Since everyone around the globe would see the destruction of the moon for free, nuking the moon symbolizes the epitome of a positive externality.
So when would I propose to do this?
Max Rinkel
The moon has always been inferior to the sun, the New York Mets of
July 4, the greatest day in American (and therefore world) history. You saw "Independence Day," right? Now you're with me.
universe's most notorious peeping Tom).
We'll figure something out to replace its minimal presence in our lives, possibly a new washing machine, a new throw rug or maybe
just a candle.
Candles smell better anyway.
Goble is a Mission Hills senior in English and Economics.
» LETTER TO THE EDITOR
Instructors must remember students' right to privacy
1. witnessed something I never should have this Monday afternoon.
I was in Fraser Hall around 1 p.m., waiting for my next class to start. Another class let out, and as the students left and the new class began, a professor pulled a student aside, and started speaking to her.
The professor started berating her for an assignment. The professor claimed it was plagiarized and that she was only giving her half credit for the assignment, and then continued to explain that this was illegal and that she was lucky to get the grade she did. She was condescending and at times just plain rude.
This went on for a good 20 minutes. The student seemed to handle it remarkably well. In the end, she said, "You're the teacher. I'm just a student"
She may be a student, but she's still entitled to certain rights.
Like the right to privacy.
I don't know whether the student actually plagiarized the assignment. I don't care, either. I care about the fact that the professor had the nerve to take her into a public place, and share the conversation with the world.
This is what office hours are for: to allow students to discuss problems with their professors privately. To prevent students from having
@KANSAN.COM
Comment on all columns, editorials and letters to the editor by signing up for an account at Kansan.com.
Submit a letter to the editor by e-mailing dykman@kan-san.com.
to share their humiliation with other people.
Sincerely,
Melissa Johnson
Joliet, Ill., sophomore
English and journalism
I applaud the student for remaining as calm as she did. I would not have.
COMMENTARY
Bored in April? No sweat, take the T-shirt challenge
I'm a pretty clean guy, and when I say clean, I mean all-around clean. You could take it in a hygiene sense. I shower daily. Or a sexual sense. I'm STD free. Or even that I don't like clutter in my kitchen. I'm tempted to break my cleanliness for a month however, all because of one ridiculous challenge—the T-shirt challenge.
The T-shirt challenge bears a striking resemblance to the pants challenge, where participants wear one pair of their own pants every day for a month without washing them. On the last day, everyone trades pants with someone else and goes through a day awkwardly apologizing for someone else's stench emitting from their trousers. This is
My friends invited me to try this with them, and I'm not quite sure if I can commit.
what the T-shirt challenge is, except everywhere the word pants appears above, you just replace with T-shirt. We're all in college; college is full of one-month challenges (note: see no-shave November) so this should be easy enough.
The cons being that I'd lose all female interest in my life, catch a nasty rash (I'm assuming), stink to high heavens, possibly lose my job and probably get sexually accosted by a number of wild and domesticated animals, including Baby Jay. Baby Jay can't resist this musk.
I've been mulling this opportunity of utter griminess for a few weeks now, weighing the pros and cons.
The pros being that I wouldn't have to wash any shirts for a month.
For some odd reason, I can't seem to shake the idea that doing this challenge could be a good time. When in my life will I have the opportunity to wear the same T-shirt for a month without washing it?
All logic has eluded me.
When I'm homeless?
these." And I usually respond, "why not?" as I'm holding up a shirt that is as stiff as a saltine cracker. I ruin shirts, so I'm thinking I'd ruin the gladiator of a G=T-shirt I wear for a month in, oh, about three days.
I've got one major worry, though.
I sweat. I sweat a lot. I sweat so much that when I take in clothes to Goodwill they say, "Uh we can't take
Also, in the rulebook for the T-shirt challenge nothing is mentioned about what can be worn if you'd like to go to the gym. Or what can be worn to a funeral or wedding. I suppose layering is always an option, but I fear my shirt will be so putrid that attendees may fear that the corpse is rotting when really it's just my sad, sad T-shirt.
If you're at all interested in the T-shirt challenge, take part in it from April 1 to April 30. This article is published in advance because this takes planning. A participant must choose the right T-shirt, the one that could last a month, and the right deodorant as well.
Just don't forget that, on the last day, you have to switch with someone else who's been wearing the same T-shirt for a month, too. Just watch out for that rash.
Stewart is a Wichita junior in journalism.
FREE FOR ALL
To contribute to Free For All, visit Kansan.com and add the Facebook application, or call 785-864-0500. Free For All callers have 20 seconds to talk about anything they choose.
To everyone who has complained about Johnson County kids or the greek system: Maybe you should research your school a little bit more before you come here.
--chicks.
--chicks.
Why is underwear sold in packages of six when there are seven days in a week?
To the guy who almost hit us on Jayhawk Boulevard: Thanks for apologizing.
--chicks.
Free For All, I just wanted to say I miss you, and if you don't print this in the paper, I just wasted $1.39 because I'm calling from Australia.
--chicks.
To whoever ran over that skunk on Monday on the hill: I hate you. I really hate you.
If the History 129 midterm had an ass, my footprint would be on it.
--chicks.
I'd say that the University of Kansas is home to the worst parkers in the country. Or people just come home drunk too much.
--chicks.
I guess the people in the paper didn't get the memo from 15 years ago that skin cancer is bad for you. Or maybe they think skin cancer will increase their chances of picking up
---
---
Video Free For All sucks. One of the main attributes of Free For All is the anonymity.
No wonder liberals can't win the White House. They prefer nationalized health care over the fair tax, Stupid.
---
I remember when I had friends. Now I just have homework.
VIDEO FREE FOR ALL
Look for us in The Underground every Wednesday from 12:30 to 13:00 p.m. Check out Kansan.com every Thursday for new Video Free for All
TALK TO US
Darla Slipke, editor
864-4810 or dslipke@kansan.com
KANSAN.COM
Want more? Check out Free For All online.
Matt Erickson, managing editor 864-4810 or merickson@kansan.com
Diane Smith, managing editor
8644-818 or of kdmanjskans.com
Bryan Dykman, opinion editor
8644-029 or of kdmanjskans.com
Lauren Keith, associate opinion editor 864-4924 or keith@kansan.com
Toni Bergquist, business manager
864-4358 or tbergquist@kansan.com
Dianne Smith, managing editor
CONTACT US
Katy Pitt, sales manager
864-4477 or kpilt@kansan.com
Malcim Gilson, general manager and news adviser
864-766-791 or msbaltan.kamaan.com
Jon Schmitt, sales and marketing adviser
864-7666 or jschitt@kansan.com
SUBMISSIONS
The Kansan welcomes letters to the editors and guest columns submitted by students, faculty and alumni.
The Kansan reserves the right to edit, cut to length, or reject all submissions.
For questions about submissions, call Bryan Dykman or Lauren Keith at 864-4810 or email dykman@kansan.com.
General questions should be directed to the editor at editor@kansan.com.
LETTER GUIDELINES Maximum Length: 200 words
The submission must include Author's name and telephone number; class, home-town (student); position (faculty member/staff); phone number (will not be published)
The submission must include: Author's name and telephone number; class, hometown (student); position (faculty member/staff); phone number (will not be published)
The Kansan will not print guest columns or letters that attack a reporter or another columnist.
GUEST COLUMN GUIDELINES
Maximum Length: 500 words
THE EDITORIAL BOARD
Members of the Kansan Editorial Board are Alex Doherty, Bryan Dykman, Matt Erickson, Kelsey Hayes, Lauren Keith, Darla Slipe, Dianne Smith, Ian Stanford and Zach White.
---