OPINION
7A
FRIDAY MARCH 7 2008
THE UNIVERSITY DAILY KANSAN
COMMENTARY
Students save lives by looking to others
JOSH ANDERSON
After finding my seat in Budig Hall for the first time, I realized that the scene was probably very similar to the one that preceded Seung-Hui Cho's rampage at Virginia Tech last year, and I resolved to find a seat closer to an exit. A few weeks later history repeated itself, this time at Northern Illinois University, in a lecture hall like Budig.
Following the Columbine shootings in 1999, experts quickly whipped up a grocery list of explanations of how this could happen: violence in video games, TV, movies, bad parenting and Marilyn Manson were all subject to public castigation. The nation is grateful for the insight of experts, whose analyses are hardly ever as short-sighted and predictable as they were in the wake of Columbine.
What we might find in hindsight exceeds what we're willing to accept about ourselves — that apathy and disdain for difference is so entrenched in our culture that people feel there is no other way out than to go down in a blaze of glory and take as many people with them as they can.
Perhaps our educational communities have become too much like the dog-eat-dog world of the businessman, where relationships must always ensure personal gain. The value of an individual is assessed by what someone can gain by association. We associate with people we feel are going to ensure our desired status and shun those who endanger it.
What is needed is a radical approach: a counter-culture tearing down the walls that an apathetic world forces us to build. We should reach out to each other with understanding and compassion. When we do this, we chip away at the mortar that hardens as a result of a culture of general apathy and rampant individualism while simultaneously laying the foundation for a better future.
Problems arise when people fall outside of the social system and when they perceive that the system — the same that dictates the popular morality that has classified them as "bad" — is an all-prevailing reality, and rebellion is the only option.
Instead of joining in the hubbub of the hows and whys and how-could-theys, I respond by reaching out to my fellow students.
Anderson is a Perry senior in creative writing.
EDITORIAL BOARD
I do so because our lives are at stake. Not in the sense that we should behave in a nice manner because we are afraid to die, but because we all deserve to live rich, full lives without the fear of being shot down by someone who has been. The solution should come from the students because we're all in this together.
Tyler Doehring
COMMENTARY
Life began nine months earlier
If life begins at conception and not at birth, we must consider the consequences of changing this belief.
Let's start small. People alive or dead is approximately nine months older than their current age, so we must solve the problems this creates.
After finishing this task, we will need to start building a database of every person with a known birth and death date, so we can add nine months to his or her life span.
U. S. Census figures for every 10-year period beginning with 1790 will need to be revised. We cannot have demographers across America using inaccurate historical information.
Following this, Congress will find the need to take a stand to stand against those who insist life begins at birth. The Speaker of the House will say, "To those of you who believe life begins at birth, you are simply wrong. Life begins at conception — didn't you know that? If you disagree, we will give you a free T-shirt to persuade you."
The day we decide life begins at conception will be a good one for conservative political commentator Ann Coulter. She will applaud the 5-4 Supreme Court decision that women do not have a right to an abortion. Justice Antonin Scalia will write the majority opinion: "We could not find the part of The Constitution guaranteeing a woman the right to choose. We have decided that Jefferson was right when he wrote. 'All men are created equal.' Sorry women."
Once Congress announces the human race has simply been mistaken in its definition of life for the past 6,000 years, a panic will sweep the nation.
Teenagers will mob convenience
stores nationwide requesting packs of cigarettes. Society is not ready to handle such a rapid-fire increase in high school students trying to become "cool." We must smash this excess self-esteem before it leads to bullying and a tragic shortage of respectable, single, young women.
This is why we must station fathers, columnists and other realists at convenience stores nationwide. Outside the great windows filled with artificially-flavored snack foods, these brave volunteers will carry offensive slogans to humble the arrogant teenagers.
The more belligerent the signs, the better they'll be. Slogans like, "You've accomplished nothing" "No one likes you" and "You've made Phillip Morris proud!" should work.
We must not forget the 20-year-olds though. We can team the National Rifle Association with bar and liquor store owners across the country.
We will arm them with 9mm pistols and Uzis — for self-defense only. These business owners will need all the help they can get as hoards of
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20 year olds descend locust-like on our alcohol emporiums, shouting, "Life begins at conception. Gimme a Budweiser!"
As the chaos in the streets unfolds, fetuses across America will rejoice. Kicks of joy will reverberate inside the wombs of pregnant women. At the same time Fox News will air an exclusive interview with a fetus. After five minutes of silence Bill O'Reilly will proclaim, "Ha, what now, you liberal bastards! Looks like the rights of the unborn have triumphed over your communist ideals."
While The Factor's music fades, so will Roe v. Wade. In its place a struggle will begin — again for a safer, less ashamed and less dogmatic society.
Mangiaracina is a Lenexa senior in journalism.
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Can we just skip the pool people, Delta Force, etc. and just elect Barack Obama as Student Body President?
Girls of Wescoe, how hard is it to not pee on the toilet seat? Come on now!
--me.
The University's answer for the dumbass athletic department campus planners losing a couple hundred parking spots? Raise prices on parking permits. Sounds completely logical to
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I swear Darrell Arthur gets more parking tickets than anyone on campus by parking in front of the Jayhawk Towers.
The election is between the Pool people, the old Ron Paul supporters and the Wiki People formerly known as Delta Force? What a lose-lose situation.
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What if I don't have horses?
How do you expect me to hold them then?
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The fact that you want to throw up makes me want to throw up. Barf-o-rama.
Hillary Clinton scares the sex out of me.
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You know what's bullshit?
Everything.
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Here's a novel idea: Read the text book and teach yourself what's not mentioned in the lecture. It's called responsibility.
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I'm beginning to hate my roommate more than the sorority girls in microbiology.
I used to know one of the people in the latest Spangles commercial. I feel so dirty.
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