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> Tackle the sticky world of relationships
KANSAS IN HEAT // BRAVING NEW GROUNDS
**Q.** I'm trying to get my partner to experiment sexually, but she is not having it. How can I convince her to try new things?
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A lot of people ask me how they can get their partner to try anal sex. My answer is start experimenting with other positions or acts. Incorporate sex toys and try different positions.
Once your partner feels good about the changes being made in your sex life, he or she will be more open to trying new things. So move gradually — don't push too hard. Get them to warm up to it. Nagging someone about sex and the sex you want will never work.
Sexual experimentation can be addicting and fun. Once your partner begins to associate experimentation as a good thing you can move up the experimental scale.
Let's say on a sexual experiment scale from one to 10 (one being ordinary sex and 10 being extremely kinky or taboo sex) you want to get your partner to a nine or 10, but they are at a three. Move gradually. Start doing sexual acts that are a five or six and let your partner know how much you enjoy them.
A lot of times people are fearful of sexually experimenting because they think they'll be really bad, or won't know what to do. Praising someone for their sexual abilities will make them feel a lot better about having sex, and will make them potentially open to trying new things. If someone sees themselves as good at sex and knows others see them as good at sex, they will have the confidence and knowledge that sexual experimentation is an obtainable step.
Besides praising their sexual ability, you also need to make your partner see sexual experimentation as a good thing. Try smaller experimenting and show a lot of excitement. Let your partner know that this new technique, position, toy, whatever, feels great, and that they are
MIKE ANDERSON
doing a great job.
A. I'm glad to hear you are willing to experiment sexually. Sexual variety and experimentation is linked to sexual satisfaction. To convince someone to experiment sexually, gradually get them to think positively about their sexual abilities. If you want your partner to sexually experiment you need to get them feeling good about the sex you are having.